Police just left :-(

[PestilentialCat]

The testosterone fest of the last few months culminated in DS & DH coming to blows tonight & the Police being called. DS is sleeping at a friend's down the road. We have filled in the DV paperwork. No-one has been arrested yet. It's been fairly crap for years, but nothing like this. . My big tough 18yo was in tears

Yes, after extreme provocation?

Are you not unhappy that the man who bit your son after acting the way he was in staying??

Xposts.

Whether your DS is legally an adult or not, he is only 18, he still lives in your house, he is your child, and your husband is the adult. Do not try to minimize this by placing ANY of the blame at your son's feet. Your husband provoked him into punching, and then gave back to the extent the police had to be called. That is not "from both sides". Your husband is a bully.

I'm not unhappy with DS's having to leave - it was the easier option

Doesn't make it right. You'll lose your son.

I swear if my DP bit my son I wouldn't hesitate to leave and to have him charged. That is horrendous. Your son is 18, your DP is a grown man. Please do not put up with this any longer.

I am not placing any blame at my son's feet - AT ALL. He was provoked & lashed out. DH's response was disproportionate, as it usually is. However DS is an adult & according to the Police could have been charged for his response, though they're not going to take it further. Agree DH is a bully.

Is this is a wind up??
Your poor son has had to leave his house whilst your bastard of a husband stays put???

I hope that this will increase your urgency to leave.

I know how difficult it is in your position. But I am sorry, once the abuse started to shift to your son, action was needed.

How can you expect your son to come back tomorrow into the house with this monster, and a mother who isn't protecting him?

Chipped I shan't lose my son, but DH may well lose his.

If you are frightened of him you can ask the police to help you get him to leave.

I can understand wanting to plan. I did the same with my Ex-P for many years, eventually I just gave up and left. No plan, no funds, nothing. I threw myself at the mercy of the local HA and charities. I couldn't take any more. It's the best thing I ever did.

There will never be a right time.. How many more years do you want to waste on this arsehole?

dalma not a wind up.

Liz don't say that to me - you have no idea what goes on here - I am protecting him

Your poor son. How awful that your violent husband has been allowed to stay as "top dog" and your son has had to give in and leave the house because it's "the easier option". That's so fucked up.

ItWill I am not frightened

I am running out of years to waste - plans are being made

Can you please all stop haranguing the OP!! It sounds like she has handled a horrible situation very well. She needs support not criticism.

Grow a pair, stand up for your boy and get help to remove that arsehole from your house ASAP.

You're not protecting him!

Of course there's a chance you'll lose him. There's every chance he won't forgive you for this.

Thanks red

Believe me, this has been dealt with in the best way possible, for now

What's your plan? We might be able to help/signpost you to RL support.

I have all the relevant Info, thanks very much

Oh no your DH must leave

Chipped I didn't allow him to be violent FFS - he was bloody violent all of his own accord

Sorry to hear this.
Your poor ds I hope he will be ok.
Your husband sounds like a horrid little man, who treats there child in this way it is a disgrace. He should be ashamed of himself.

Your son shouldn't have admitted he threw the first punch and your asshole H should be in a cell.

I'm not sure you do. I was able to leave within days once I asked for help from the relevant agencies.

If you have all the info and support you need why are you still there? Why is he still there?

He abused your son to the point that he has had to leave his home. That's not okay. That's not dealing with things.