Tonight found keepsake card in DP wallet

[Haribogirl]

So tonight snooping!! Yes I no but I have reason too

I found this keepsake plastic card that you give people with
FOR MY SOULMATE
with all things on it like
You are the only one for me
It really means so much
knowing that you care
And I love our life together
And the happy times we share
I LOVE YOU

SIGN TO HIM .... From HER .... On the back

What the fuck!!!!!

He's out tonight, and I want to text who the fuck is ...... But he'd have a story ready
But then I want to see his face when I confront him!! See what lies he can come up with!

Still part of me tells him he's not coming home, but I want to see his fucking face when I throw it at him

What would you say,

[BoneyBackJefferson]

Given you've been living in your house while he pays all the mortgage for the last decade or so, and you protected your initial deposit with a deed of trust, you're hardly likely to come out in a bad financial position, are you?

I'm not convinced about this, you need to see a solicitor to find out, It may well be that you get your initial deposit back but are still liable for some of the mortgage that he is paying. (I'm not saying that you would be hence going to someone that knows)

[mumsonthelash]

Hi there. He's obviously from what you say been cheating. It doesn't matter that he denies it that is up to him and he is showing you who he is. And who he is is a man who thinks he is so superior to you that he can gaslight you and tell you and twist the truth. So no point asking him.
I have been through all this to the point it made me ill.
Until I realised I had to stop engaging with him. Only then was he remorseful and by then it was too late. I didn't give a shit because he had made it worse and looking back it was my fault for listening to the bullshit or being stonewalled.
Like you he wouldn't leave.
Ignore him till you decide what you want to do. Detach, detach, detach.
You don't deserve any more upset.

[mumsonthelash]

See a solicitor .asap and ignore him. Do not tell him your plans. He is not your friend.

[Marilynsbigsister]

Ok, so back in the real world...

Away from possible paranoia (but also accept acceptable paranoia ) your distrust in your OH says it all. You actually don't need a reason. There is no 'reason' needed. If you don't want to be with him, don't be with him. It's that simple.

If I was your oh , I would leave, move anywhere, parents, siblings friends... You sound completely bat shit crazy, that is to say, he may have made you that way, you may be naturally that way - either way - all is not as it should be and you both need to separate for your own mental health welfare. Please just stop all of this behaviour. It is serving no one any good.

[WeDoNotSow]

She absolutely doesn't sound 'bat-shit' crazy marilyn
She sounds like someone dealing with the fall out of being deceived.

[AcrossthePond55]

As good as it would be to have him admit it and give you confirmation, he's not going to. So you may as well just save your breath to cool your porridge. Don't ask him, don't mention it again. There's no point. As I've read "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result".

See a solicitor about the financials. Make your 'exit plan'. Doesn't mean you have to do anything right now, but it's a good feeling to know that you have everything lined up for if when the time comes.

[GooseberryRoolz]

The point of gaslighting is to make some feel (and maybe sound) a bit crazy Marilyn.

She is NOT crazy; She's on the receiving end of long running mind games.

[GooseberryRoolz]

someone^

[starry0ne]

OP...It sounds completely like he is having an affair... However regardless of if he is or isn't your relationship does not sound in any way happy/ trustful so now this becomes a business deal where you need to protect yourself.

You need to get yourself to a solicitor. make plans based on his/her advice.

[Haribogirl]

Marilyn

What do you know of me! You don't know me personally, so please do not say such unkind words !!

Why are you defending OH when YOU have not had to live with him!

Perhaps YOUR the OW of somebody!!!! How does that feel
About as horrible as
I'm bat shit crazy

[SuperFlyHigh]

To be honest with you OP you do sound a bit unhinged... That's not to say any one of us would be otherwise in your situation.

Personally I don't know if Marilyn had read your other threads which to be quite honest are very insightful into you having doubts about your DH's fidelity.

I think and can't quite remember why or how but your name stood out for me, maybe I thought "unusual posting style" or something.

Like everyone else has said get yourself to a solicitor quick on Monday and sort out this sorry mess.

I am sorry this is happening. Like I said a page or so back I think my mother is dealing with this but has turned a blind eye.

[Haribogirl]

Yes I'm not far of retirement age, we both finished work

He's upstairs now, back from the event he went to.
Not said a word ! But don't expect him to
The stonewalling as started from him.

I will not be bringing it up again EVER, he's had more than enough time to tell me
If if thought anything off me.

He's a stubborn as a mule, and can keep it up for weeks no problem.
Where as it does my head in, I can not do with atmospheres at all.

[Haribogirl]

Please tell me WHy I seem

Unhinged/ bad shit crazy ???????

You may be right, it hasn't happened to you!

I am just very angry, with the way he's treated me(even though only last night said he loves me) and me for letting him treat me like this

[GooseberryRoolz]

You just sound a bit understandably frantic haribo, that's all.

And maybe, if some readers have read this thread but not your others, it seems a bit like you are over-reacting to one card. But reading several of your threads, it makes perfect sense.

[ProfessorPickles]

I think what's making you come across unhinged is the way you're writing your messages OP, I don't know if it's intentional or not but you use a lot of exclamation marks and capitals so take this sentence displayed in two different ways for example:

• I'm sick of this now.

And

• I'm SICK of this now!!!!!

Terrible example I know
But the second one looks all unhinged and shouty and full of anger.

[SuperFlyHigh]

I think posting on here you may and may not get the support you want.

I haven't had this happen to me no. But have had a man cheat on me and lie and I found out.

You need to decide whether to get out etc.

[ProfessorPickles]

I feel like you're maybe not aware of how the exclamation marks and capitals make your messages come across, or its intentional and you are actually raging and going off on one constantly

[SuperFlyHigh]

Professor yes you're right it's the way the sentences are phrased...

I'm not saying OP should be all Eliza Dolittle but it just comes across as... Bizarre.

I am not surprised OP is full of anger etc I've said that before. And I am sympathetic.

[Haribogirl]

It's anger, that's all, but then I've just had another shock so to say.
Perhaps it's because I can't get through to him and I'm venting it on here

He's just ask
Am I watching film on tv, I said yes
To which I got, well I want to watch something
This is the start of it, to then be told ok you pay the sky rental
He thinks he can be out all day and come in and do as he wants, because I've had tv all day.

Really don't know how to handle this, and his cruel way he's treating me verbally just short little digs here and there. It's really upsetting, to think this person loved you.

[Haribogirl]

I can't sit in the same room without feeling tearful

I know I sad and need to get a grip, but it's just not my nature to be hurtful

[Makemineacabsauv]

My ex was similar. Go and get all
Important documents - birth, wedding certificates and passport etc - us mortgage and other financial documents. Anything important. If you can transfer some money into your own account from a join then do do - not all of it as that would make you look unreasonable. Phone bank and freeze joint account. Hide all these things with a friend, relative, anywhere safe then go and see a solicitor on Monday. You cannot live like this. If you need to, go and stay in a hotel or with friends/family for a few days. Good luck, you will get there.

[brighthouse]

Have you any family or friends you can stay with ? You need to be way from the situation so you can clear your head and make logical choices.
good luck x

[Marilynsbigsister]

OP I am the same generation as you. I do understand what you are saying but sad to say, you cannot make someone love and care for you.

That's all I'm saying. What you have posted , does make you seem bat shit crazy (sorry, but all the CAPITALS !!!!' Marks and general language is not normal) so all that is left to say is that either that is your natural way, or he has driven you to it.

Either way, it doesn't actually matter. All that matters is that this is not a heathy atmosphere for a child. To live un. Pleas move to useless tuit suit..xx
,

[Haribogirl]

Marilyn

This person (partner) told me last night. He loves me
So I don't think I'm making him love/care for me, I just saying what he said.

As for child ?? What do you mean

Yes your right it not a healthy atmosphere, sat here right now in silence is horrible

Family live quite a way a way, yes they would take us in without a doubt
But I have a son 26 that still lives at home, and his work would be way to far as he leaves at 6.30 now to get there.
Thing is today he acts all is well with my son, even saying yes I'd got eye infection
(Because eyes were really puffy, from crying last night) even putting pizza in oven for him
Yet last night to me was slagging him off left right and centre,saying how he helped pay for him when he didn't have job 4 years ago and how he paid towards his food. Sorry thought that's what family's do, not being nice to there face then calling them behind it.

So tomorrow when I don't do his tea I will get called all the names under the sun again and that son and I are ganging up on him. Nothing like this.

He's just letting me play right into his game.

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

Hi Haribo.

We talked a bit on your thread about his watch.

Physically and mentally, you won't be able to continue this. You've suspected his affair for months, you've been on high alert searching for clues and questioning him and then trying to hold it all together afterwards until the next time. You can't go on.

It's possible that he's having an affair. It's also possible that he's doing these things to wind you up - badly hidden chocolate bars with cheesy messages, cheesy keepsake cards with a woman's name on, a receipt... He could well be leaving things for you to find, and then acting like you're crazy when you mention them. The condoms, for example - they aren't used, they are almost bought for you to find.

They could be real, of course, but you'd imagine that if he was having an affair, he'd have stopped bringing keepsakes of the affair home as soon as he knew you were searching for things. He'd have hidden the keepsake better, and eaten the chocolate. He'd have left the condoms with her.

He leaves something for you to find, you find it, you accuse him, he denies it. He blames you for constantly causing arguments, and creates a horrible atmosphere. You don't like atmospheres, so you do what you can to give in to his demands and fix the atmosphere, and he rewards you when your behaviour is good by telling you he loves you or looking after you and generally behaving like a nicer man.

You need to stop looking for evidence now. Accept that this is over, whether he is having an affair or not, and that he will never admit it to you either way. Then seek legal advice. Find out what your overall position is on the house, make a plan for the future. Find a plan that lets you leave in a strong position but leave as soon as you can, because you simply can't take anymore.