Welcome to the House of Fun (and positivity!) - It's dating thread 100

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Oh 314 am willing your period to come! And waving too!! Very happy you are seeing Canceller and Bear. How you feeling about Canceller?

Thanks for your very wise words. It was my own therapist who said about the inevitability of uncertainty. After sharing my insecurity in a very straight and massively understated way with Twix and him sharing a bit back last night - am feeling properly calm. For the first time. And for the first time feel that we are actually a thing. Hoorah.

Where is tanya nowadays? Has she taken a break?

Thinking of you ocelot and hope you are going to make that call soon.

314 I need to take some responsibility too... He did dump me out of the blue... But I think he felt it was moving too fast (though didn't SAY before he made the shock decision)
I just tried phoning (with my heart in my mouth!) but he didn't pick up...don't know if he knew it was me :(

Morning everyone! Dee I hate those late night messages, I always feel they are designed so you cannot reply or strike up a conversation as its late. It's a token reply but shutting down any chance of a conversation. I would probably not reply at all today. Leave it until tomorrow and keep busy if you can. If he read your messages earlier in the day, why couldn't he respond earlier?

I have a couple of potential new tinder irons but they live so far away. Today is they day I'm properly binning the inappropriate social media iron.

Positive thoughts to everybody who is searching, swiping, pining and dating this weekend .

Agree those late night messages are non messages.

Eek ocelot I guess you didn't plan for that scenario (I wouldn't). Guess you have to leave it for the weekend?? Well done for executing the plan. That was brave. Enjoy Wales.

Handy, hello! I am still lurking, but not getting any interest from men, and mostly ignored if I initiate chat. So bad for the self esteem! Xx

Oh mate!!! Shocking.

Bastards. What's the matter with them! Hope you're ok!

Well phew, deliberately talking like David Brent now, but upon going to the bathroom it seems that the P situation is presently concurrent with the 60 hour countdown, :-p the Eagle has landed and will have ceased to be a relevant issue by late Sunday.
Wishing you the same good fortune for your three day date waving
I am still planning to shred now though!

Ocelot, did you ring on your mobile? I find that I have to really dislike somebody to delete their number. I'd suggest holding off on a follow up call for a while now because it'll get him thinking.

I got through...it didn't go well. :( ... I said I wanted to think we could chat...

He said we have very different ways of dealing with stuff - I thought he meant s* childhoods but he meant ending relationships - I said (to explain my reaction to the breakup) that I had been so shocked how he'd changed from one day to the next but he then said I'd reneged on not asking him to explain himself!!
Wished me a good weekend & rang off....

I'm going to get ready & go to Wales.... Its. bad, not what I wanted to hear after all this time of thinking only of him....but perhaps it will force me to move on...

Oh Ocelot I think this will now help you to move on. Have a good time in Wales.

Ocelot

I loved a man I saw for 8months 2014-2015 (despite there being issues that meant it was never a long term prospect). He was a wonderful friend to me in that time. He showed me what a warm and loving relationship could be like.

When it ended he asked that I never contact him again. It was brutal. But you know what, if helped me move on.

Some men just like to kill it stone dead when a relationship ends. It hurts like hell. And I'm sorry he feels this way. Because it's awful.

Have a good cry then get yourself off to Wales. Pat yourself on the back for executing the plan. You can never control what another person thinks.

More

Oh no Ocelot

You are really brave. Plenty of people would have wondered for ever. But now you know. Brutal, in the moment. But I hope that it does help you move on. Have a really good time in Wales with your lovely friends. You deserve it.
x

I'm sorry Ocelot. Really sorry. You have been so brave to do that, and I hope that it helps you to move on. Try and have a good weekend with your friends and do post here as much as you need to...x

Ocelot and

Thx all....
Pretty sad here...but getting my shit together & off to lovely friends in Wales :) So glad I prearranged stuff for aftermath.... & that I have you lovelies here too... :)

Hi everyone!

Anna good luck on the date (love his nn!) and well done you for ditching mrNiceArse.

314 Eeeek sober date.. I would totally cheat and have a drink by myself first . Hope it goes well. And yay on Bear weekend.

Waving so MTG besides being lovely is both a Midwest guy and a sailor? Argh. Am very jealous and would be pining hard too.

Handy this thread is also the Freaks Safe House, do not worry about pouring your angst out on here! That is also why we are all on here and FWIW I am learning a lot from other people's dramas. Glad you are feeling better! And I agree with Twix I think you are a a master at breezily Matthew Husseying him. That un ain't goin' nowhere

Dee I do not think he is a ghoster/slow fader quite yet. But because of what happened yesterday, it may be worth it to pull back a bit and see what he does. You will learn a lot more by doing that than by engaging.

Ocelot sorry he did not pick up the phone. Go enjoy your weekend now! You will see if he calls you back. That and channel positivity: you did what you could, if he wants you like he should he will get back in touch. You are getting some power back here, enjoy!

I still haven't decided what to do with Maple. I can see we got wires crossed so I am tempted to lay my cards on the table and tell him I have better things to do than play games or be his fluffer. If he does want me I am happy to give it one other shot but that is it. If he just wants to be friends that is ok too. Just fucking tell me where you are at. Yes am a teeny tiny bit pissed off.

Snap Ocelot it took me bloody ages to catch up and I have x posted with you. I am sorry hit turned out this way but at least you went ahead to get your answer. You were very brave to do that indeed! Did he actually refuse to explain why he was dumping you - both when he did it and today? No wonder you can't get closure.. What kind of coward does that?!

Ocelot can I ask how long you were dating for?

Trying to work out which I hate more Xmas or Easter not much in it actually....

He is messaging again...put yesterday down to being busy..also he is scared of hurting me!!! I know red flag... Still wants to see me tommorow... And knows I have a period.... I'm.undecided as to will I go???if I do I can leave at any time...
Why are they all so complicated?

Jolly I didn't ask him to explain today - just said I'd reacted out of shock (sending flurry of shocked messages the next few days)- cos he changed from one day to next & pulled the rug from under me..
At the time he said 'niggles'...& thought that was enough! ...After we'd been to dinner, very tactile as usual till last half hr & he'd given me yet another v.personal mix cd...

Being brave my speciality but it doesn't get me anywhere...
Going to keep off pof for a month or so -cos dont want to know when he's on & wonty be able to resist checking :(
Will do tinder - but plan to delinkfrom personal fb &set up a dating one as someone mentioned way up thread...

I've a jar of anti-pasti roasted red peppers and I cannot open them. CANNOT
So I thought, I'll ask Bear to do that. :-p (Although, he doesn't need to be made feel like a man though. He knows he is one. hmm, but still, might be xesy)

That "I'm scared of hurting you" is a weird one isn't it?
Do they mean "I suspect I'm keener than you are"... maybe.
Do they mean "this fling will keep me entertained for a while and then I'm out of here and you will be hurt, like all the other ones seemed to be"

Baffling isent it mag
Could be any of these 2 really