Welcome to the House of Fun (and positivity!) - It's dating thread 100

[IToldYouIWasFreaky]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP.

Handy are you worried that he hasn't any concrete plans to see you again and he will eventually slow fade? Is there anything about his text style that's changed?

Oh. Why do you think you fucked up Handy? Sounds like you had a nice chat?

I just get the feeling he won't be texting tonight. He normally does by now. Plus something he said on the phone. Just made me think I'm a nice 'idea'. He's difficult to read (understatement of the century) despite his tactile ways.

What did he say on the phone? I hate that guy feeling that you know they won't text. My gut is usually correct

I haven't deleted tinder, typo in my earlier post!

Jolly communication is so important, I would be tempted to ignore Maple further and see if he ups his hand.

waving yes it's Scot.

jolly I may have called him verbose and thanked him for helping lull me to sleep!
Hmmm. Re maple. I'd reply with a simple 'what can't be good news?' And see if he bites....

alaugh nowt wrong with wanting sex! I'm talking about the big 'R'.....

handy why on earth would you feel that way??? It's a phonecall....seriously don't give it another thought. I don't think he is....

It's a stupid thing but our dogs are kinda going to be difficult to integrate but by no means impossible.

I mentioned that my friend could dog sit if we wanted to take advantage of 1st week in April when my kids are abroad. Which is only a week away. Yet felt like I offered another mooseburger. He said 'ah yes, the dog problem' like he was starting to think of negatives. I feel like I keep thinking in advance (which to me is just how it is when you have friends/family/hobby/kids/job) and offering to accommodate us but he is just floating around with the 'idea' of it all.

I thin the fact that I feel I'm giving away mooseburgers is quite telling...

More typos! Bloody phone!! Gut not guy. Ups his game not hand.

Just a thought - maybe Twix isn't texting because the call fulfilled his need for communication today?

And yep Foxtrot that gut feeling that no text is coming for the first time in 4 weeks.... That's the ominous feeling I have this evening.

Handy, I don't suppose you are over analysing are you? I wouldn't worry too much if he doesn't text tonight because you've already spoken to him today. If I were you I would try and sleep on it and see if he texts you tomorrow. Easier said than done, I know!

Handy is there any chance he was being tongue in cheek about the 'dog problem'.

Also, very few people could take time off on such short notice. I wouldn't worry about it. You did a good thing extending the invite. Ball is in his court. Listen whatever you said won't impact the outcome of the two of you.

Don't freak out. Have some

I thought since I proposed yesterday's pint/called him today/mentioned dog sitting and stuff that I would not make any further moves to be proactive with him.

But it's not like that's lot. Is it. That shouldn't feel like too much. Yet it does.

I think I've had a lightbulb moment. It's making me feel crap....

Re the week in April I just meant maybe stay at his a couple of evenings. Not have time away from work.

Am proper proper freaking out... Wine = a good idea. Except that I'm in bed and brushed my teeth....

Handy, it's normal to feel insecure in a new relationship, you did nothing wrong - chill!

handy STOP! Must stop freaking. Your behaviour is normal. End of. It's fine to try and plan another date. Sleep on it. Wait to see what tomorrow brings

It's so hard trying to stay calm . You are going to have to see what happens tomorrow and I would try to let him text you first. I don't think you've done or suggested too much, but if you're wary, I'd channel MH and just pull back a little. Let him come to you. And he will, probably not even realising there was anything to worry about.

Yeah I'm sorry guys. I also think what I'm doing ought to feel normal but with Twix it feels like I'm pushing things along way too fast. And the phonecall tipped it over the edge. So I'm not feeling any better about 'us' despite the fact that we got naked together. That's what's all wrong. I'm prepared to be proved wrong and receive a text explaining that he's been busy or out somewhere. But my gut says all this normal stuff is coming across as Mooseburgers and he will now cool off/ghost/call it off.

Maybe he just values a life of not thinking to hard about stuff or only ever planning stuff 24hrs in advance. That's not for me.

Handy, how long ago did you get naked with him? Have you had many texts from him since?

The negative feeling...do you think it is because of what Twix does/doesn't OR is it because of you are feeling a bit vulnerable and more prone to angsting? Is it the situation or him?

If it is him, yes you would be better off by ditching him. But if it is the situation in itself, it could be worth working on it on your side.. I am guessing from older posts that it may be the fear of losing him that is making you freak out, isn't it? Would it help to focus a bit on 1) what makes you the great catch that you are (aka why he is not going anywhere) 2) your "completeness" as a person with or without him (aka if he does fuck off, you will be sad and hurt, but you will live) 3) reminding yourself this is early days ...etc?

And don't worry about those moose burgers, I think you are very far from delivering them to his doorstep! These were just little clues on the moose's whereabouts..

He hasn't got kids, right? I sometimes feel that I go too far with the planning stuff, and it's partly because I have DS, so childfree nights are limited and I need to make the most of them! But I am a planner by nature anyway, and like to have nice things to look forward to. And combine that with feeling insecure about a new relationship and it's crazy-making. I do understand where you are coming from and really feel for you!

You know he's probably just not texting because you've already spoken, right?

Please try not to freak out. You did nothing wrong! I think phoning was a good thing. If you want that to be part of your relationship, it's good to introduce it early, I think. And it was just a 6 minute call, hardly an imposition. HE LIKES YOU. He would have liked talking to you. He'll be looking forward to seeing you again, promise.

Follow MH and ease back now. For your sake, so that you can get your sense of normality back. Find a distraction, anything, tinder swiping? This is the time when things might get ruined if he does sense that you are panicking about his reduced communication. You can't change what he's feeling but stepping back will allow him to make the moves again to pursue you. Your best bet is to step back, try to relax. It's win win, if he's into you he will be there. If not and you're starting to have doubts, then you can get yourself back to normal Handy without him.

'clues to the moose's whereabouts'

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahaha!!!

Oh god I so needed to laugh like that. Jolly you are a godsend.

I know I'm a catch. I don't know what's the matter with me!!!

And guess what... He just texted.... I just told him I wasn't sure if the call was the right thing. He said he liked it and was chuffed.

I don't know what the hell its all about. Am heading downstairs to open a bottle of white wine...............................

Ladies...
Apologies for abandoning the thread for fb.. I had a lovely date with Mr nice yesterday... He asked if I'd spend Easter weekend with him....
Communication was good when I came home..and this morning...
But that's it...nothing since 9 am..I sent to messages later in the day...nothing
He has seen the messages....
Think this is another ghoster...
My 6th now....
It's hard getting myself back up...and really question why men do this ...a simple don't want to see you again would do me...
Be nice if there is a logical explanation for this and I hear from.him.tommorow

But not looking good is it?

Hooray Handy that's brilliant! He was there the whole time with it not occurring to him there could be a problem!

Dee I've been there, frustrating, upsetting, bewildering. It is hard getting yourself back up again. I don't know why they do it. If I don't want to see somebody again, I always tell them. I might bend the truth a bit as to save hurt feelings but certainly wouldn't ghost after meeting someone.

I have unmatched etc without warning but not if I've actually met them.

Handy, that's great news! I hope you sleep well tonight!

DeeDee, it's hard to say whether it's looking good or not but I don't think you should text him any more. Leave it for him to contact you and hopefully he will contact you tomorrow.

Oh that's good Handy! Really good. Enjoy your wine!

Dee I don't understand the ghosting either. Especially after saying something like let's spend the weekend together. Maybe he hasn't...he could have a valid excuse....