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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

would you?

552 replies

hurtandconfued2016 · 15/03/2016 22:48

Just wondering my ex asked (more like demanded) me today when we where registering our daughter when he could see the kids again. Hasn't seen our son in a month and only met his daughter today (2 weeks old). I said that he couldn't take new baby away on his own I would need to be there whilst he is seeing her. He went mental at me and has now not bothered to make plans to see them tomorrow.
My question is would you give your 2 week old away for hours? I suggested going to soft play or something and we could rotate with the kids so we didn't have to sit near each other but he said no to that too..

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 15/04/2016 18:33

Stop - that made me laugh!! That's not all that needs to happen to him!

Yeah I know it will take its toll on the little fella just what's annoying me is I'm the one that has to watch the hurt in his little face and see how it's changed him! Where as the babysitter (he is no longer a dad he is a babysitter in my eyes) gets the fun happy hour or so and then walks away!

I just want my babies to know I tried as much as I could to shield them from it all

X

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 16/04/2016 00:30

Okay ladies feeling a little good tonight! I went out had a good drink (might be drunk but it's okay) I managed to talk about what has happened/happening without crying this to me is amazing!!
It makes me feel a little more healed from everything!!

OP posts:
Tartyflette · 16/04/2016 01:25

It's really nice to hear you're feeling better and had a good time tonight.
Alcohol has its uses!

Ledkr · 16/04/2016 08:40

Great news hurt. Be prepared tho to feel a bit down today from the alcohol. Just chill, eat nice hangover food and tell yourself you will feel better once the alcohol has gone!
Hope u don't get affected but I used to Grin

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 16/04/2016 14:25

Well ladies I have woke up and I have never felt better! I'm feeling very positive and great about myself too!
Hearing people say how good it look last night I think gave me a kick up the bum!
Time to start looking after myself and getting back out there!

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Iamdobby63 · 16/04/2016 14:37

Good for you, I'm really pleased to hear that. This is the first step, don't let him get you down any more, you will still have stressful times but if you are feeling stronger in yourself then they won't effect you so much.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/04/2016 14:49

I'm so happy to hear that! Perhaps you've turned a wee corner?

It's always good to have confirmation from others, but remember that it's what we know about our own worth that matters. I think you're beginning to remember that you are a worthwhile and important person

Ledkr · 16/04/2016 15:30

That's a really good thing when it suddenly hits you that "I'm alright" actually. This wil reflect I'm how you respond to the twerp too.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 16/04/2016 22:46

Well I took the kids out today to a local attractions had a nice big walk took my son to the park with a friend. I felt great!

I came home had a nice bath with the kids I'm feeling really good about things! I even think I've made a decision about the house for the time being so need to put it to the lawyer.

I just feel really positive today!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 17/04/2016 14:17

Well today I bumped into his mother and she was talking away great to me like there was nothing wrong!

Apparently he's stopped seeing the baby because meeting in a shopping centre is going back 2 places!! Having him shout at me sent me back 10 bloody places!

But she said we really need to sit and have a good conversation and get everything on the table! My reply was no no he can see all my cards when he receives my lawyers letter next week!

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 17/04/2016 14:46

Brilliant reply!!!

I think his mother wants to run with the hares and hunt with the hounds on this. As a mum who is old enough to have grandchildren (but none yet) to an extent I guess I understand where she's coming from, but unfortunately it's just not going to work in this situation. Her son (whom she loves) is being an arse and she knows it. But she also knows that if she wants to see her grandchildren frequently, she'll have to be on good terms with you. She knows he has other 'priorities' and that her times with the DGC will be very limited if she has to see them only when he has them.

It's just too bad for her that she can't see clearly that she can't have it both ways.

2ManySweets · 17/04/2016 14:54

OP; you are getting stronger with every post. GO YOU!

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 17/04/2016 15:15

I have tried to sit and speak to him and any time I suggest it he tells me I have nothing to speak to you about! So instead he will have to pay for his lawyer to reply to me.

I have already explained to her no matter what I would allow her to see the kids even if we met at soft play or anything I hold no grudges with her. It was his brothers birthday last week and I sent a card and a gift from the kids because in my eyes he hadn't done anything wrong either.

2 many - I am trying for my babies and for me we deserve to be happy I just wish I could cut him out and move on.

OP posts:
summerwinterton · 17/04/2016 16:44

His mum is clueless if she thinks he will sit down and talk to you nicely like an adult. Lawyers is the only way to go. You have done your best but he is impossible to deal with and him and his mother sound deluded quite frankly.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 17/04/2016 20:26

Yeah I know she knows how stubborn he Is he doesn't speak to her with respect so how does she expect him to speak to me with it?
In a way I do feel bad for her because she hates what is happening and can't even bring herself to tell any of her family! The only reason she ever seen the kids is because I would force him to go to theirs! Now she's missing out even more it's a shame.

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Iamdobby63 · 17/04/2016 20:45

Hi Hurt, wow you sound so much stronger, so good to hear.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 18/04/2016 21:25

Well everyone went to the lawyer today that was fun 8-)

She received a letter today from ex saying I was stopping contact with baby because he couldn't watch the 2 kids the day I asked him at short notice! He doesn't see any other reason why the contact became a problem.

Fuming doesn't cover it!

  1. I didn't stop access to baby I just moved it to a public place.
  2. I didn't ask him to have the 2 babies I asked dim to keep the eldest that he already had!
  3. It wasn't bloody short notice it was 9 hrs before he was supposed to be dropping the kid off also my crystal ball didn't tell me I was going to be taken to hospital.
  4. Maybe it was because he said he can't stand to look at me and that I disgust him??

So I have been advised that contact should happen in a contact centre now and that she will be telling him his lawyers letter previously is a lie!
Also with the house she is making that I might be returning to the house and It should be in the same condition it was when I left.
Also he needs to unblock my number.
She was going to say mediation again as she feels that we need to have it out and discuss everything but she said she won't put me in that situation as it's horrible.

But on the plus side I got my new car tonight ♡♡

OP posts:
2ManySweets · 18/04/2016 22:17

This is PROGRESS. Actually bowled over - good on yer. Stand firm, your corner is being fought for by the peeps in the legal know 👍

Iamdobby63 · 19/04/2016 16:00

Oh well he will make any excuse to justify it in his head!

I think the contact centre is the best route for you, as you won't have to sit there and be insulted. He should have been more respectful, nobody would have done more than you and he should have appreciated it.

Did they give you any indication on the financial matter of the house?

AcrossthePond55 · 19/04/2016 17:26

What an idiot. Everything he whined about is the equivalent of a 6 year old pointing a finger and saying 'She started it!!!' when caught in wrongdoing to deflect blame. He'll never admit any type of fault nor will he start showing any sense of responsibility for caring for the DC. And as long as his parents let him get away with it he'll never change. Why should he when he has it cushy on Mummy Easy Street?

Contact centre all the way. And as far as mediation, let your lawyer suggest 'shuttle mediation', that way Mr Scaredy Pants won't have to face 'big bad' Hurt and you won't have to hear his antics or see his sneery face. What a putz!

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 19/04/2016 20:31

Well I got my lawyers letter she is sending today and OMG! She doesn't hold back!

Goes in about how his letter from the lawyer was a lie!
About how he has been so disrespectful by saying i am disgusting I have just had his baby etc etc
How he has reduced his contact. How the shopping centre right now is the only option!
If he threatens me with court again she will start the court proceedings herself!
Also if this goes to court she will be objecting to him having legal aid and also objecting that it goes to court because no matter what the judge says he will not do and she will not waste anyone's time with it!

With the house she has stated the house must be in the state it was when I left. I think I'm giving up the house anyway but we are not permitting his parents in doing any work to it the house mist go on in the state it is in as I can't afford to do all the fixings and stuff. Also they will not be getting any of the money they put in.

OP posts:
2ManySweets · 19/04/2016 22:14

party horns 🎉

Ledkr · 20/04/2016 22:47

She sounds like one shit hot lawyer, good.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 21/04/2016 04:26

Yeah.shes one of the best ones in Scotland :)

I have had a great few days this week so feeling good :)

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Mellowautumn · 21/04/2016 05:38

Glad you have turned the corner!!!!

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