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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

would you?

552 replies

hurtandconfued2016 · 15/03/2016 22:48

Just wondering my ex asked (more like demanded) me today when we where registering our daughter when he could see the kids again. Hasn't seen our son in a month and only met his daughter today (2 weeks old). I said that he couldn't take new baby away on his own I would need to be there whilst he is seeing her. He went mental at me and has now not bothered to make plans to see them tomorrow.
My question is would you give your 2 week old away for hours? I suggested going to soft play or something and we could rotate with the kids so we didn't have to sit near each other but he said no to that too..

OP posts:
PhoenixReisling · 06/04/2016 21:37

Flowers for you hurt

Please, don't doubt yourself. Ever.

I recently had an op, my DC were as you described after....so I understand how hard it is.

Keep posting xx

Iamdobby63 · 06/04/2016 21:48

They are not within their rights to take back gifts.

Try and stay strong, you are your sons rock and when that rock flounders is when they can act out. You come across as a wonderful caring Mum and I'm sure you are giving him lots of reassurances, it's up to you whether you discipline the bad behaviour or ignore it but make sure when he does something good, even the small stuff, give him lots and lots of praise.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 07/04/2016 10:44

Thanks everyone today he is supposed to be going to his dad's he has thrown the biggest fit in the world telling me he doesn't want his dad.
I hate it! With the house I am angry that this is what is happening I never in my life imagined this would be the way it was even when we broke up everything was okay it seems that the second him and ow became official me and the kids got put to the back

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 07/04/2016 13:29

What was the arrangement today for your son, is he meant to stay over? Is it him on his own?

You have every right to be angry, you are being treated appallingly. Shame you can't see your solicitor earlier. What do you think of sending a text or email asking that nothing else is removed from the house?

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 07/04/2016 14:46

Yeah he is to stay over I am here at the moment with the 2 and then will leave with baby. He is actually speaking to me regarding the kids which I think he has maybe been made to do by his parents.

I said to him about social work getting involved and he said well can we not deal with it together? I nearly lost my shit and said what do you mean together you only want them one day and can't help me any other time!

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Iamdobby63 · 07/04/2016 14:56

Have you mentioned the belongings in the house?

If he starts being more civil and reasonable then of course you can deal with the kids between you.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 07/04/2016 15:26

No I don't want to mention it when I'm here on my own.
Yeah I don't see that happening unfortunately he still can hardly speak or look at me

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Iamdobby63 · 07/04/2016 16:30

What did you say when he asked if you two could just do the access between you?

I understand your reluctance with social services but it probably would be better for you to be removed from being on the receiving end of his attitude.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 07/04/2016 17:31

Well everyone that's me home...
He went from being civil and talking about the children to telling me at the door that he is taken me to court if I say he's not seeing the kids. He is not there for emergency childcare as he has other obligations and work. He hates the fact he has to sit and look at me. Many other horrible spiteful things! I lost my temper and told him he is a child he has never grown up because mummy and daddy do everything for him and he has his priorities all wrong!

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 07/04/2016 19:34

Well in that case he doesn't get to see his daughter until she is old enough unless he wishes to see her at YOUR parents house because you are no longer going to subject yourself to that environment and abuse any more.

He should be grateful that you are even prepared to put yourself out.

Good for you standing up for yourself!

Did your son witness that?

Iamdobby63 · 07/04/2016 19:40

So, in short you won't stop him from seeing his daughter but until she is old enough he can either.

A. See her at your parents house (and you won't enter the room)
B. At a contact centre, with you in a different room.

ricketytickety · 07/04/2016 20:00

They are all treating you badly. His parents have absolutely no right going in to YOUR house and taking YOUR stuff. They have broken the law. You would be well within your rights to call the police and record all of what they have taken whilst you are recovering from your csection and the subsequent health problems.

If his dad is violent, tell the police if you are afraid of him. Go to the house and change the lock. I cannot fathom why anyone would dismantle the bed of the woman who has given birth to their grandchild.

Do not facilitate any of the visits at all. Tell them to take you to court.

Have a look at antisocial personality disorder.

They are all seriously affecting your mental health and your physical health. Bastards.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 07/04/2016 20:58

I am - I have just told him that I will no longer be taking her over to him from now on I will meet him at the local shopping centre and he can spend an hour there and then I will take her home! No my son wasn't there he waited until we where away from everyone to say it too me
Rickety - I spoke to his mum today and she was disgusted with him on Saturday and is still very disappointed in him she said she was going to have words with him tonight as she is not happy with the way he is acting.

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Ledkr · 08/04/2016 08:05

But she's happy to ransack your house and take furniture from the childrens home?
Don't be fooled by her, she's a snake in the grass.

Iamdobby63 · 08/04/2016 09:08

The problem with the shopping area is that you are still in a position to be on the receiving end of his verbal abuse.

She may have been disgusted by him on Saturday, but she didn't insist on looking after your son or even contact you to see how you are. Be very wary.

PhoenixReisling · 08/04/2016 09:18

Yep, agree with PP....I wouldn't trust anything she tells you.

She may still want a relationship with her grandchildren. However, she is OK to tell you to leave your home, steal your property and act as though the house isn't yours. She also did not offer to look after her grandson, when you were in hospital.

OP, let them take you to court re: contact. You don't deserve the verbal abuse and bullying from him.

If his dad becomes violent, then call the police.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 08/04/2016 10:59

Ledkr - yeah I'm not trusting her 100%. Apparently he has told them to empty the house and gave them the control to fix it up and sell it!
Iam - yes I know he can still cause problems at the shopping g centre but it means that I don't have to be in his company at all which I am hoping will make things easier for me.
It turns out she was in work on sat so had no idea what had happened until the following night when she finished work and her husband told her.
Well he is dropping my son off tonight at 6 and I am not looking forward to it! He never relied to my text about not taking the baby over. His parents on the other hand replied saying thanks for bringing the kids over if I need anything.

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 08/04/2016 11:16

Who told you he gave them permission to empty your home?

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 08/04/2016 11:19

Aw he also said I only got taken into hospital to try and ruin his plans with his gf!

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Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 08/04/2016 11:20

Him and his parents last night. He said he wants nothing to do with it so told his parents to deal with it

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 08/04/2016 12:09

What did you say about the house?

Hope you told him you not to flatter himself and that his gf is more than welcome to him.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 08/04/2016 12:38

I just told him he will recieve my reply about the house from my lawyer I didn't want to have that conversation with him yesterday because I was already getting upset and angry at the door. It was that bad my dad could hear him shouting at me (my dad's nearly deaf) and was going to come out to him.

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 08/04/2016 13:23

Best reply, although they may quickly run around to finish emptying the house.

If he shouts at you again in that manner then just walk away whilst he is in mid flow.

Iamdobby63 · 08/04/2016 13:26

Ps I think they have done that with the house to make it impossible for you to move back in so forcing you to agree to sell.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 08/04/2016 13:35

Yeah I can't stand him right now! He showed his true colours yesterday being all nice to me infront of his parents and then when no one was there have a go! Had he done it in his parents my reply would have been the same so he's obviously just a coward!
When I spoke to his mum last night she knew nothing about the argument at the door at all which is obvious he's not going to tell her. She was angry at me for saying he is a child unable to look after the 2 children at the same time but it is how I feel I'm not sugar coating anything with him now!
I also think this he wants to sell the house right now so he has money to have a life! I think his parents have offered to give him the early sell fine because he doesn't have a penny to his name apparently.

OP posts: