would you?

[hurtandconfued2016]

Just wondering my ex asked (more like demanded) me today when we where registering our daughter when he could see the kids again. Hasn't seen our son in a month and only met his daughter today (2 weeks old). I said that he couldn't take new baby away on his own I would need to be there whilst he is seeing her. He went mental at me and has now not bothered to make plans to see them tomorrow.
My question is would you give your 2 week old away for hours? I suggested going to soft play or something and we could rotate with the kids so we didn't have to sit near each other but he said no to that too..

So paying the mortgage and council tax means that he can't have a life? Yeah right, more worried about their loan.

I'm not an expert but I would imagine you would be entitled to more than 50%.

You must see your solicitor, and do that list.

What do your parents say about their antics?

If his parents are gonna be like that, I'd be sorely tempted to move back in and claim the bloody Council Tax Benefit myself!!

If he has a problem paying the mortgage then tell his he can stop but he has to contribute what it says he has to for the kids or you'll be going through CSA for Child Maintenance! (Thus using that to pay your mortgage instead)

Gobsmacked by them all. I thought his parents sounded reasonable at times - apparently not!

Phoenix -I have an appointment on the 18th to see her couldn't get one any sooner.
They think because he paid the mortgage when I was with him I'm not entitled to anything but if that was the case the car that I paid for and all his clothes I should have kept!
I was planning on moving back but after the recent trouble with my section wound It will need to wait again it's an upper cottage with lots of stairs :(
I have just started claiming for all my benefits that I am allowed so just waiting on the letters to let me know how much I will be getting.
Cms we had originally discussed that he would give me more than the basic as I was on mat leave but that has now changed and he is saying he only wants the basic money taken off him. He was supposed to go on csa to see that I wasn't lying about how much I should be getting but again nothing!

I am - my parents are livid!! It causes a lot of arguments between us because I was giving him mum the benefit of the doubt and being normal with her. They say he doesn't have a penny to his name and can't go out and enjoy himself yet the parking tickets the car has received tells me otherwise.
The other thing is we can't actually sell the house till September as we haven't been in it for 2 years!

That made me laugh 'can't go out and enjoy himself'! Poor baby. Lol

I can imagine it's caused friction, I'm afraid I would be like your parents. It does seem like his folks are as controlling as he is, they need to butt out.

I am concerned you are going to come home to an empty house, can you not email your solicitor asking them in the interim before your appointment to send off a letter asking that nothing else is removed. I don't know where the law stands on this but it's not right and it's not their place to do this.

It doesn't matter what THEY think you are entitled to - what matters is what the law says.

Listen.
I got most of my house, you really need a good brief.
I know you are sad and vulnerable at the moment but dig deep and find your fight and get what you and the kids are entitled to for your future.
He is pond scum and his parebts deserve to suffer every day for the rest if their lives for treating you and their grandchildren like shit.
In fact, report him for claiming for a house he doesn't live in.
Fuck them all.

You might be tied in with a mortgage penalty till then but you could do everything I need advance and market it as soon as September huts

Typos! in advance and hits

Petals - I don't know if I'm selling it though this is the thing I have still to go to the lawyer and see about finances and that.

Hi, hope you are doing ok today.

Make sure you do that list because it's all part of the distribution of assets - including the sofas as they were gifts.

If you lose your keys then you can change the locks

And do make sure you claim with CMS now - it can take months to receive a penny and they don't backdate. So get your claim in immediately.

Are you actually married to him?

No we aren't married

Surely if you change the locks you only need to give him a key, not his parents abd he will have to ask you which he probably won't.
His parents definitejy cannot go helping themselves to stuff from the house until a court settlement is reached.
How can u move back in with no bed or sofa?
This is one of the worst things I've ever read on here, a massive twat behaving like this fully supported by the parents who made him like it!

If you are not married, who actually owns the house? The parents? Him? Both of you? Whose name is on the mortgage?

I ask because if you are a tenant, do you have a tenancy agreement or not?

You position sounds quite vulnerable if you aren't married. You should get some legal advice about your position.

I can hear these two claiming they are removing furniture from their own property.

Ledkr - I can change the locks but would have to give him a key which no doubt he will hand straight to his parents!
Lulu - the mortgage is in both of our names his parents have nothing to do with it at all.

I don't think there's a court in the land that would grant him 'full custody' of the children. Especially a tiny baby. If you don't feel you can go no contact, at least go 'low contact'. Meaning no arguing, no discussions. Texts and emails stating dates/times of contact, period. Anything else gets handled via solicitors.

I'm confused as far as the house. Is it in both of your names? If it is it can't be sold without your consent (or a court order) no matter how hard his parents push the issue. If it is only in his name, since you aren't married unfortunately there's nothing you can do to prevent it being sold out from under you. This is something you really, really need to get a handle on. Don't depend on him or his parents to do the right thing by you and the children. You need an order for financial support for the children and you need a contingency plan for housing in case the house gets sold.

As far as the locks, are there two doors? If so, change the front door lock (because you 'broke the key in the lock') but leave the back door lock unchanged. Then leave a key in the back door lock when you are gone. They won't be able to get in and yet you haven't technically removed his access as his key still works on the back door.

Although I think it goes against your nature, you're going to have to get (for lack of a better word) 'sneaky'. His parents are bound and determined that their little baby boy-child should lack for nothing ("doesn't have a life", well fuck me Marietta!) and it sounds as if he's only too willing to let them put selfish ideas in his head and then do his 'dirty work'. I don't mean you have to start doing sneaky things, just that you are going to have to start thinking like they do to be able to protect yourself. Sounds as if you're in a nasty game of chess with them and it's all about thinking ahead.

X-post. The mortgage is in both names, but what is the titling on the deeds?

They sound awful. You need proper legal advice about your position in relation to the house. It sounds to me as if they have no legal right of access at all. Acrossthepond offers good advice about the key. You must sort that out as they should not have access.

So ladies just back from another councilling session and it hit me hard. Told her all of this stuff going on like I need to get taxis when he picks the kids up, he's not here for emergency childcare and she was disgusted.
She is wanting to get social services involved not that I am unfit but to help deal with ex and also my son for the behaviour change!
Also getting help for the "eating disorder".
The house is in both our names I'm sure I will look at the mortgage and check (I took all the paperwork when he left)
There is only one door unfortunately.
I have been looking at houses (private rent) and also put my name down for a council house.
See across you already know the way I am I wish I could have been sneaky unfortunately I'm a bloody people pleaser as much as I wish I wasn't! I hate doing things that people don't want me to do.

You counsellor can join the long line of people disgusted by the (in)actions of your ex.

How do social services help with your ex? Would have thought that was more like mediation.

How has your sons behaviour changed? He has had to accept quite a lot of changes so would be understandable.

You do need to try and think only of yourself and your children when it comes to financial matters, you need to dig your heels in. This is your future.

Social services would be the one to supervise his visit means I wouldn't need to see him. Also they would help support me when he isn't supporting me. They would essentially be a mediator when it comes to the kids it just scares me getting them involved.
My son has became so frustrated and violent. Loosing his temper a lot more than normal.
Yeah that's why I'm saying I'm keeping the house if I have to work 2 jobs I will just to keep a roof over their heads!

hurt in regards to your DS.

Remember, that behaviour is a form of communication. The poor thing, has had a lot of change....the move, not seeing ex DP that often, your complications with the c-section, your frustration/sadness etc with this situation and a new sibling. I would as you probably are anyway be as consistent as possible, maybe create a visual timetable (so that he knows when things will happen) and possibly get as much support as you can for yourself.

I know SS involvement is scary, however the fact that your counsellor has validated that both his and his parents behaviour and complete disregard to your children is appalling.

Maybe also post in legal (or is ask if anyone has knowledge here) about the removal of items without your agreement etc. IMO, I would be calling the police as regardless of if these things were bought as a gift, they were a gift to you both and the children.

In theory I think for you mental health and emotional well being him having supervised access is a way forward, hopefully someone will be along who has had experience of this and who can give you the pros and cons. Maybe start a new thread?

Lots of changes for your son plus a new baby to contend with.

Phoenix - yeah I know the poor little mite has been through a lot I just feel I need help to understand how to help him really I want the best for him and what him to see that it's okay to be sad and angry at times but to not lash out the way he is. Yeah he tells me on a daily basis that he is sad it's heartbreaking!
Yeah my councilor is completely backing me in it and if he tries to use it if he takes me to court she has said she would get involved!
Well everyone my mum has just been up to my house and it seems the curtains have now been taken too (these where a gift also)