Curious to hear from people who have left marriages that weren't AWFUL but just unsatisfying

[All0vertheplace]

Have you made the tough choice to leave a marriage -- not because of abuse or an affair, but just because you were mismatched and things weren't working out.

If so, how was that decision, and how have your life and relationships been since?

As my move-out looms near, we've gone into a kind of polite frosty silence. Very weird and sad. We're telling the kids on Friday. As I mentioned earlier, despite all the sadness and swirling uncertainty, there is genuine relief to be found in the fact of having made a decision. Change is coming. We just have to do what we can to shape it and nudge it in a positive direction.

Stay strong over you are at the beginning of an extremely emotional tunnel where you sometimes cant see the wood for the trees, but when you start to see a chink of light everything will start to fall into place.

I still think of my old life wondering if I've made the right choice, but I'm a stronger person now and I don't live with regrets just decisions which open new doors xx

to all of you.

Text from STBX: "Want to meet up for dinner in town? One last night out as a family?"

Gut-punch. All of a sudden I'm shaky and weepy.

Hello everyone.

AllOver - so sad. I am so up and down these days. I've had days of calm and positivity and then yesterday and last night I was in a complete miserable funk. (not helped - or perhaps caused - by drinking far too much on Wednesday night)

I'm annoyed with myself for sniping and getting drawn in this morning. P asked for some documents - I asked what for and he is seeing a mortgage advisor. I am genuinely pleased for him that it looks like he is finding a place to buy as this could all work out well for him. I was just stupidly congratulating myself on being such a mature and well balanced person when he came back from finding the documents, taking the piss out of some of the things I had filed.

Like a fool I was drawn in - that's the sore point. It has driven me nuts all our time together that literally at the same time as benefiting from my hard work and competence he takes the piss out of me as some hilarious little joke. "Oh yes, filing is hilarious" I snapped "so am I, oh yes I am just hilarious looking after everything and knowing where everything is and giving YOU what YOU need to go to YOUR meeting"

Someone on fb has posted a really lovely post about their 10th wedding anniversary and how they have always had each other's back. I feel sad but not because he is leaving. But because I never had it. No one has ever had my back. I've always been on my own and mocked at the same time, for getting shit done. He has no respect for me.

I did a spreadsheet to see how I'll get on alone and it looks ok if we're careful. I pulled up old ones out of nostalgia and remembered doing them. By myself. Feeling sick with pregnancy and worry. Putting the figures in, hoping to make things work, all alone, all the goddamned time. Alone again, alone still. Pregnancy was so lonely. I was so worried all the time.

"this is why we're splitting up - because you have no sense of humour about me teasing you" he said
"no, it;s because you have contempt for me, I don't have to have a sense of humour about your contempt for me" I said. I REGRET IT SO MUCH

Someone please give me a kick up the ass!! Still not really talking here and I just need to initiate the big talk and set things in stone.. stage 2 talk. I've got 3 whole days looming ahead of us stuck together and need to do this but I'm so scared
It's definitely what I want. 10000%. But it's just starting 'that' talk again

HowBad, I think what you said was fair enough tbh. I'm sorry you're feeling down

Thank you welshrarebit, that's helpful

misswhattodo, would writing it all down help? Either to give to him as a letter/email or to help you figure out exactly what you want to say

Well my H is drinking again tonight, and so I'm the verbal punchbag again. I told him I'm too young to live like this he said so is he, at which point I said don't then! Then he told me to leave the house.
I'm not prepared to do so because it's a perfect house for the DC schools friends etc.
I hate this! I'm now trapped into choosing to stay in this misery or uprooting my kids just such a short time after they've settled in and made friends etc!
What a selfish prick! His behaviour makes me regret ever marrying him in the first place!

Hi All. I confess - I need to read up a couple of days but wanted to post quickly to say this is make or break week for me. I was going to cancel my leave but decided not to. I also wanted to post this article: http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/may/24/marriage-kids-children-relationship-suffers-research it spoke volumes to me today. I identified with so much of the content.

Anyway, I'm not saying this week will bode well, but I'm going to give it a last ditch attempt. I'm going to try and address 'my' issues and try to enjoy this time.
I'll try and catch up with everyone's posts hopefully Tom am.

for all of us.

Hello ladies I've read the whole thread. So sad but also so happy for you all in a way, that you are so close to freedom.

Have a look at the wikivorce website.....

Hi all,

Well, it's official. We-ve told the kids. There were a few tears but I think it went about as well as could be expected. We're now looking at move-out options and timelines and the dreaded division of assets.

So. It's happening. Over the cliff I go.

It's my birthday next week (big 3 0) and H said he has booked a night in a hotel for us and a meal, I just told him to cancel it, I now feel bad but at the same time as soon as he said it I felt a horrible dread at having to spend a night completely alone with him.
I really need to get some guts and have "the talk" but I've had it so many times now and I've never managed to break free that I feel it's a bit pointless, never felt so trapped or alone in my life!
Allover well done you!

Thanks, I guess. Weird to be congratulated on something that feels so horrible and scary, but this thread is a reminder of how hard it is to NOT do this.

Hugs to all.

Well done, Allover! I agree with you- the dread and anticipation of Having The Conversation was far worse- a bit like a root canal filling, I guess!

I have a pre-booked evening at the ballet that I've agreed to go to with H, now he's added dinner onto that. He was away with work last week, which was great for my sanity, although punctuated with stress when he texted.

He says he's still accepting of the fact that we're separating, and indeed has started sorting things out in the loft etc, so maybe it'll all be ok.

I know telling ds2 will be hard, but I know I can get him through it .

to everyone still in limbo.

anyone have tips about making the chores and stuff not matter so much? me and dh separated although its more complicated than clean break for the foreseeable.

I wish I didn't get peed off (internally) when he drones at me about the housework he's done - expecting a medal I think. I wouldn't mind but he's totally shit at it; everything is half-arsed.

(I don't subscribe to the my way or the highway school of chores btw)

Always puts waaay too many of kids clothes in the machine meaning they rarely wash properly

Tried and tried and tried to talk to him about it. In one ear and out the other. I find it hurtful that he still cares so little about my thoughts/opinions etc.

Hes fucker's not going to change. How do I rise above it and not give him ammunition?

PS - long history of EA on his part. Nasty, passive aggressive excuse for a man tbh.

Can I you tell I'm peed off?

oh, and a thousand million gazillion trillion (squared) good luck vibes to all of you going through the same thing.

its bloody hard. i've never felt more at sea in terms of up one day and down the next. however, ive maintained a one step at a time approach and remained relatively suspicious of exDH motives in general. That way I'm stopping the thoughts of "have I don't the right thing?" in their tracks.
It's a combination of the strangest feelings.

be prepared to feel sidelined and emotionally battered but also know its going to be ok. you will be ok. we all will.

I believe in love, which is why I'm leaving the fucker.

Just been for a lovely family woodland walk in the sunshine. Everything feels quite functional and friendly. So weird. I guess nice to see that we are still capable of that. And hope it will continue after I move out.

Marking place😒

Morning all. How are we doing today?

Morning allover, and everyone else as well.
how are you all?
I think my H can sense the talk coming and has started being extra extra nice to me, which then makes me feel guilty and like I'm pulling the rug from under his feet
Other than that I had a great night last night H took kids to his dad's and I had friends over for a girls night

People today have higher expectations than they did in the past.
They used to be held together by society ,shunning divorced women
and the Church especially life after death ,putting children first etc
Now with religion diminished etc people living till 80 plus
the thought of possibly 50 years of misery is too much to bear
The average LTR only lasts 10 years with many having at least
2 of these . Society views many things now as disposible

Post 800 on a thread that I started on a whim, as I sit up late scouring Gumtree for stuff to put in my kids' rooms at my new house. Scared, mainly.

Just in case I forget: H and I received £5 voucher each from M&S. I suggested we get our kid school socks with those vouchers, ready for september. He refused, saying: it's MY voucher, why would I give you MY voucher?
Another jewel in his prize idiot crown.
Oh well.