Morning everyone. I have just read each post back again.
How do you feel after putting all that down in writing Floundering? From what I can make out, you haven't sent the email, but writing things down like that sort of put things into more perspective doesn't it? I did the same, wrote a letter, even posted here about whether to send it or not. I did send it, but not the same day... I went back and read it over and over again, and sent it a week later. When I read back what I had written the previous week, and could see that I still felt the same way, it became clear to me that it wasn't just a bad day on the day that I wrote it, it wasn't pms affecting my mood, it wasn't the stress of dealing with everything on my own day to day... it was how I felt.
I am glad now that I did to it. Because it was the only way that I could actually say what I needed to say. Why, because I couldn't say what I wanted to because H wasn't capable of actually discussing something that he didn't want to.... every single time I tried to talk, he would walk out, storm off, leave the house and I would sit there, not even having got half the stuff out that I wanted to. And then when he came back, the little bit that I did manage to say, would all be twisted... however he processed what he thought I said, stuck in his head...as that. Saying I said things that I didn't and that sort of thing. So for me, to write it down and save the document, so I could re-read again after he had, just to be sure that it wasn't me going insane, as he would make out all the time that I said things I didn't, it really even started to make me think I was going insane. I started doubting every single thing I said, and actually started believing that I had said those things, but just couldn't remember. I was so sick and tired of being told that I have a memory problem, and could I not remember anything correctly, I started to believe it.
Even now, although we are separated, he is still doing it. Just silly things, like he said he told me he had taken a day off work today, so will come to see the dc later today. He didn't tell me that he was off, so now I get the rolling eye emoticon on the message again, saying, 'but I told you all this'. No, he didn't. I know he didn't otherwise I would have reminded him that the dc wouldn't even be here this afternoon as they have things on at school today. So, although I was again doubting myself, if it weren't for me knowing that the dc wouldn't be here, I would probably have believed him and wracked my brain for days trying to remember when he told me this.
Argh, again just needed to get this off my chest.... thanks for this thread again OP. If I had to say what I have posted here to any friends, I am sure they would just think wtf, as unless you are in the situation, other people just don't understand.