Ordinaryman, I'm so sorry, I owe you an apology, I totally did get the wrong end of the stick when I read your message - Sorry to everyone on the thread actually, I know we can all do without someone being all narky on here . I am a total psycho at the moment, I'm in a bad place with all that's going on and I'm finding I'm very quick to get on the defensive and jump down people's throats. Sorry, Ordinaryman, genuinely. Your relationship sounds much like mine in reverse, and you have my complete understanding and sympathy, it really sucks.
Re the problems still being there, allovertheplace, yes, I totally get what you mean. I'm finding myself now worrying about dh when we split, because I know the things that he will not do that I usually do - maintain and decorate the house, make an effort with health and curb drinking and so on. I worry that he will totally let all that go when I leave. I really hope he finds someone else in time that he falls head over heels for, I would like to see him happy. However, on the other side of that, I feel like although I will worry still about all the things that I found frustrating, I won't be in a battle with him over them any more. If he wants the house to disintegrate around him while he watches history documentaries, that will be sad, but not my responisbility any more and I can't wait for that. I think that for me, spliting will give me the freedom to make decisions about my life without knowing that I have a husband that will either ignore what I want to do or just flat say no.
He told his parents yesterday, they wonder why we aren't going for counselling, why were rushing into everything and why I'm so dissatisfied (after all, says his mum, "it takes two to tango" - Yes. Yes it does. That's the whole point, I've been tangoing on my own for the last ten years or so...).