Got what's coming to me [CN added by MNHQ: possibly triggering content]

[Fairydust7715]

I don't know how to link my last posts but am more of a lurker on here than a poster but in short over a year ago I lost my fwb who I was actually in love with but never told him before he died, I then posted months later about sleeping with anyone who would have me.
I have carried on doing this and have lost count of how many men I have slept with but it's probably in the 100's which I feel sick about.
I meet these men on a hook up site and so far it's been ok, I don't enjoy it that much which is disgusting in itself but I feel I need it.
Tonight I have met with a man who has really hurt me, I don't have anyone I can speak to about this in rl because it's embarrassing and it would shock even my closest friends.
I am bruised and bleeding although not life threatening but I hurt everywhere but can't even cry, I really don't know what to do.

Well done for going Fairy. You're an amazing woman and I really think you are doing the right thing by going. The police can certainly see you at the hospital if you choose to. All my healing power thoughts are going your way this evening.

You have done nothing wrong. You did not consent to what this man did to you and you have every right to report him to the police. Unfortunately, this could happen to anyone, so please try not to think about how your profession impacts on the situation. It doesn't and shouldn't. You said no and that was ignored, which is a crime he should be held accountable for.

Get yourself to A & E, speak with staff there about contacting the police and call a friend if you need support (I have young children but would not hesitate to go and help a friend in your situation). Take care

Holding hands fairy. Well done for going to the hospital.

Please get the bleeding seen to as soon as possible. I have surmised here to try to work out what has happened to you. I think I have something in mind which is possible. This sort of injury needs to be dealt with by a specialist. You need some good care tonight/immediately after the physical injuries are dealt with you can look into counselling.

It's just worrying that I may come face to face with police that I have worked with, it's shame more than anything.
I am going to make my way there now, luckily it's only about a 5 minute drive so won't have much time to talk myself out if it.
Thank you for believing me, it's one of these things that happens to other people and not yourself, maybe it's time to change things.
My phone has pretty poor Internet so doubt I will be able to update further till I get home but once again it's nice to know that someone or a few are there even if it's in the background.

fairy so glad your on your way to the hospital take it one step at a time. This is not your fault, good luck.

Good luck with the hospital. Take all and any help offered and remember that you did not deserve this at all. You are one brave lady. Hand holding by remote here

Oh Fairy

I would also feel safer seeing he police at the hospital be they will call them ifmyounask them to.

Rape victims have anonymity for life. So if it did ever go to court, your name would never be released to anyone outside of those people in the courtroom or those who are directly linked with he case.

It's very common for people in your position to feel as though it's their fault. It's not. The Jason Lawrance case last week that was all over the papers showed that judges believe women like you and they uphold the law. He was given six life sentences. There was no ambiguity about the actions of the women involved there. They were entirely innocent and that was never called into question.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

Can totally understand how you feel about facing people you've worked with Fairy but your need for treatment trumps everything else in there circumstances and I would think you can rely on profession discretion in any case. Think how you would deal with this if the positions were reversed, I'm sure you would be discreet and non judgemental if you had to deal with a colleague this had happened to. Will be thinking about you

You did not have this coming. Even if you have showered there maybe identifying things still at your house? Did you exchange photos before you met? The police maybe able to find him from that? A mobile or whatapp contact? How did you make arrangements to meet?

CCTV cameras of him on the way to your house - the police maybe able to find him from any number of ways. Please don't think they would care how you met this guy, hook ups happen in many, many different ways they will only care able details that will help them find him.

You should feel outrage, not shame. Who cares what site you were on? The police won't - they will care that you were attacked as Everyone here does. Your day job is irrelevant to how you spend time out of work or who you choose to be with.

You really should contact the site and perhaps log on now in case there is a picture of him on your profile you can screen shot to identify him?

Take care of yourself xxx

Pleased you are going to the hospital, OP.

We're all ordinary people on here, too. Doctors, nurses, police, you name it. We're not judging you, because there is nothing to judge.

Fairy, you have done nothing wrong, I hope you get all the support and help you need.

my kids are with their dad tonight but are back tomorrow, maybe for their sake I need to speak to the police

I didn't know you had dc. OF COURSE you need to speak to the police and you MUST put the safety of your dc before your pride, or sense of shame as the case maybe.

Your story is one that the police will have heard many times and won't be at all judgemental about. Many women join one, or more, of the numerous hook-up sites that cater for lonely singletons and many don't fully realise what they may be letting themselves in for. In any event, you imagined that any sex that occurred would be wholly consensual but unfortunately it wasn't, with the result that you were sexually assaulted and left with bites, bruises and vaginal and/or anal bleeding.

If you don't want the police coming to your house tonight go to A&E and ask for your injuries to be recorded and reported to the police. Take whatever clothing you were wearing and bedding or other material that may have traces of his/your DNA with you.

As I'm sure you know, you'll need a number of tests to rule out diseases that can be transmitted by bites and penetrative sex and it's to be hoped that the "bleeding down there" will be resolved without surgical intervention.

As I've said, the police can be exceedingly discreet and there's no need for anyone to know outside of you and them. Be prepared for a long night and call in sick in the morning.

I'm sorry to say that you haven't only put yourself at risk. By allowing this man into your home, you've compromised the safety of your dc and you MUST report this assault to the police. You don't have a choice in this matter. It HAS to be done and, hopefully, this will give you the impetus to seek bereavement counselling as well as whatever is offered to you by specialist police officers who work in conjunction with Rape Crisis.

It's just worrying that I may come face to face with police that I have worked with There's every chance that you won't encounter any police officers who are known to you but, if you should, I can't imagine that they'd be anything other than concerned for your welfare.

Glad you are getting some help. You are not in the wrong here. If you choose to sleep with 2000 men that's fine you didn't choose to be raped.

So sorry this has happened to you, and best wishes for A&E this evening.

In case it's useful to anyone, from the recent Shetland episode I've learnt about SARCs:

A Sexual Assault Referral Centre (SARC) provides services to victims of rape or sexual assault regardless of whether the victim reports the offence to the police or not.

SARCs are designed to be comfortable and multi-functional, providing private space for interviews and examinations, and some may also offer counselling services. Sexual Assault Referral Centres have specialist staff that are trained to help you make informed decisions about what you want to do next.

There's info and links for centres across England, Wales and Scotland on the website. Also a central phone number and other ways to contact.

The Survivors Trust: 01788 550554
Twitter: @survivorstrust
Facebook: Survivors.Trust

Write to us at:
The Survivors Trust
Unit 2, Eastlands Court Business Centre
St Peter’s Road
Rugby
Warwickshire
CV21 3QP

This was in no way your fault. Please believe that.

I'm so glad you're getting help.

Ok I won't go on because I would be repeating the very good advice and support here already but and I want you to listen ok.

If this was any other crime you wouldn't even consider trying to blame yourself!

If you had to go to a&e because a man you invited into your home stabbed you would you feel like you couldn't let the police you've worked know what had happened? No I don't think you would. well this is no different

he is to blame not you

fairy
Noone in their right mind would think you had anything coming to you, love.
You are grieving. You are vulnerable. And you told this rapist to stop.
Makes no odds whether it was a hook-up, whether you have slept with one man or a thousand you said stop and he didn't and he hurt you and you won't have been the first he has done it to.
Hope hospital give you the support you need and the police do too.

More hand holding here.

Hand holding and love being sent from here

So sorry this has happened to you fairy, hope you're getting the help you need x

Thinking of you X

hope all went ok with the police/hospital.

amd I hope you believe us when we say it doesn't matter what you do before or after this and with who. it's not important. you did not have this coming to you!!! this is not karma. this is not your fault. it's his.

I hope you got help last night. You are a brave woman and you've done so well in all that pain and shock.