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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Got what's coming to me [CN added by MNHQ: possibly triggering content]

156 replies

Fairydust7715 · 09/03/2016 22:16

I don't know how to link my last posts but am more of a lurker on here than a poster but in short over a year ago I lost my fwb who I was actually in love with but never told him before he died, I then posted months later about sleeping with anyone who would have me.
I have carried on doing this and have lost count of how many men I have slept with but it's probably in the 100's which I feel sick about.
I meet these men on a hook up site and so far it's been ok, I don't enjoy it that much which is disgusting in itself but I feel I need it.
Tonight I have met with a man who has really hurt me, I don't have anyone I can speak to about this in rl because it's embarrassing and it would shock even my closest friends.
I am bruised and bleeding although not life threatening but I hurt everywhere but can't even cry, I really don't know what to do.

OP posts:
prettywhiteguitar · 09/03/2016 23:24

Call an ambulance if you can't drive

Original poster
Fairydust7715 · 09/03/2016 23:25

wonkylampshade yes he came to my house so does know where I live, my kids are with their dad tonight but are back tomorrow, maybe for their sake I need to speak to the police.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 09/03/2016 23:25

OP please do report him.

Think of that man that was on match.com and got jailed last week. He might have done this to others too.

Report it to the police. This was a serious sexual assault and you don't deserve that, regardless of how many men you have previously had sex with, it's irrelevant.

Please go to the police, and get yourself checked out.

Flowers
wonkylampshade · 09/03/2016 23:27

Fairy you must call the police for both your own sake and your kids. I am so sorry this has happened to you Thanks

whatdoIget · 09/03/2016 23:27

You can't lose your job for being a victim of crime Fairy. Please go to the hospital.

Original poster
Fairydust7715 · 09/03/2016 23:28

novemberchild yes you are right, here's me sleeping around yet unable to say on here what happened, he got rough pretty early on and I did tell him that I wasn't happy with it, he stopped for a while and then it was like a switch was flipped, he just wouldn't stop, I really did try and stop him though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairydust7715 · 09/03/2016 23:32

If I go to a&e and tell them what happened will they call the police? I don't want anybody in my house but if there are people at the hospital then it's safer isn't it?

OP posts:
novemberchild · 09/03/2016 23:35

Doesn't matter whether you tried or not, no means no.

Was a condom used?

doesthatmakesense · 09/03/2016 23:36

Fairy, can you get to a hospital or sexual assault referral place safely? Please, please at last ensure that your physical safety is taken care of - it sounds like you have been seriously assaulted and that you may be hurt. Getting help will not be pleasant but doing nothing will be worse. Please, get some help tonight.

TheBouquets · 09/03/2016 23:39

I am worried about you having some bad bleeding down below. It is not good to be alone in the house with a lot of bleeding. I think you need to phone an ambulance or the police as fast as you can so that someone is on their way to you. They will know what to do.
Don't worry about any Police Officer ever telling anyone about tonight's events. It would be a serious breach which is much more likely to l.ose them their job than you being attacked is likely to lose you your job. I would hope that your Social Worker colleagues would be understanding and sympathetic.

You do not need to say to anyone how many meetings you have arranged before tonight.
Thinking of you

angielou123 · 09/03/2016 23:39

You poor thing. I think you need to talk the whole situation you have got into through with someone who can help you properly as theres a few issues going on here. Please take what happened as a wake up call and be thankful you didn't get killed. You must realise the endless one night stands are not doing you any favours at all, if you make just 1 change, short term, please stop meeting up with these losers. You are worth so much more than this.

AyeAmarok · 09/03/2016 23:39

They might do Fairy, yes, in the same way they should if someone has been assaulted some other way and turns up injured at A&E.

And I'm sure if you asked them to then they definitely would.

Error404usernamenotfound · 09/03/2016 23:41

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You have done NOTHING wrong; everyone deals with grief in their own way, and no amount of consensual sex is anything to be ashamed about, especially if it has helped you through a tough time. What this 'man' has done is vile; you told him you weren't happy, then you were obviously distressed and he didn't care.

Please report him; request to speak to a female officer if you need to. This is not your fault.

Flowers
NeedsAsockamnesty · 09/03/2016 23:41

They should not call the police without her consent.

getyourfingeroutyournose · 09/03/2016 23:42

I'm gutted for you that you've been through this. Whatever your reasoning for feeling you deserved this in any way, you didn't. Any consenting adult is allowed to sleep with as many people as they want as long as they consent. The amount of people you sleep with doesn't make you more deserving of this kind of treatment from anyone and the police do understand that.
Regardless, it would be good to go to the hospital now to have yourself checked over.
Explain to them what happened in confidence and decide from there whether or not you want to report it to the police. You don't have to report it even though you have gone to the hospital. But I would advise getting checked over. Not in the least because you will have some physical injuries and they can help with the mental anguish caused including offering counselling of some sort (which is confidential and can really help judging by my own experience).
Your employer and family don't need to know unless you choose to tell them and they certainly have no right to know any information regarding how many people you have slept with. The police don't even need to know that background if you don't want them to and decide to report the man.
Whatever you choose, remember how important you are. Your health is priority right now. I'm wishing you all the best xxx

smokedkipper · 09/03/2016 23:42

fairy , please get some help , -please.

novemberchild · 09/03/2016 23:42

angielou - careful. It's actually nothing to do with the OP having one night stands and a woman choosing to have them is no indication of her worth. She is, as we all are, entitled to have 1000 one night stands, and still not be raped.

Friendlystories · 09/03/2016 23:42

You did not deserve this Fairy, please try and get to a hospital, you really need to get your injuries treated first and foremost. I know you're worried about your professional reputation but you're a human being first and a social worker second and you need help from the relevant services and it's your right to expect absolute discretion. The only person feeling shame here should be the bastard who did this to you, we're all here to hold your hand Flowers

getyourfingeroutyournose · 09/03/2016 23:43

and if you don't feel up to driving to a hospital, remember you can ring 111 and ask for confidential health advice over the phone.

Original poster
Fairydust7715 · 09/03/2016 23:46

I meant really that I would feel safer if the police were to come to the hospital so if I told the nurses what happened they would do what's needed.
I'm not bleeding heavy heavy but it's quite a lot and obviously I'm pretty sore, I don't feel like I'm making huge amounts of sense right now so sorry if I'm hard to follow.
Going to get dressed and to a&e now.

OP posts:
Plomino · 09/03/2016 23:46

Fairy , please let me reassure you that the officers who would deal with your case , would absolutely NOT talk about you to anyone else , not even other police officers on other teams , let alone other departments . They just don't . It's a total professional no no . No one will vilify you , or think you deserved it , and nor will it be a problem because of your job . Honestly . I know you said you had a shower, but leave everything else , and get yourself to hospital . Tell them what happened , and they'll call police for you . You won't be the first , and you won't be the last . You are not to blame . Not in any way . I believe you .

Lynnm63 · 09/03/2016 23:48

Please get checked out medically op. If you're in that much pain and bleeding this wasn't just lack of communication you have been raped. You initially consented to sex but not to this assault. When you withdrew your consent he committed a crime. You are not responsible but he will almost certainly do it again.

getyourfingeroutyournose · 09/03/2016 23:48

Just to confirm the hospital will not call the police if you go there. They can only do so if you agree to let them report it for you. Nobody needs to know unless you decide and that's the important thing here, you hold the deciding power.

LoopyLily · 09/03/2016 23:50

I'm sorry this has happened fairy, you did NOT deserve this, please report this vile man, if you prefer the police to come to the hospital and not your house then yes ask a nurse at a&e.

amarmai · 09/03/2016 23:51

If you report at a hospital , you will be treated more carefully than if you do it on your own. Do not tell the police about the other men only the one you are reporting. This is necessary as he knows where you live and the police will put an alert on your address as it is the scene of the crime. For YOUR future safety, go to the hospital , ask to speak to the sw there and ask her to be present while you talk to the police. This will also open the door for you to get counselling as the hospital has links.Take this step by step and you will be safer and happier.