Support thread for stepchildren

[flippinada]

A place for step children, young and not so young to chat about our experiences, let off steam, and offer/give support.

My father has had some terrible GFs. I refuse to refer to them as DPs as they don't deserve the title. The worst was the Polish GF who my dad was with for almost 2 decades. She moved in when I was in L6. The first half term holiday my dad had to travel so he left us there with her (my gran lived around the corner). She was in bed late every morning and treated my sister and I like hired help. She thought it was funny to have us clean the house because we went to top tier private boarding school. She made comments all the time about how we were spoilt, should have weekend jobs and do all the work around the house.

They broke up because she realized she was never going to get a ring on her finger and my dad wasn't going to give her anything via the will. Once the grandchildren started arriving her ability to control my Dad was gone. My dad loves his GC, calling them on skype daily. He has a brag book of pictures that he keeps in his pocket as she would dispose of anything left in the house. The final straw was when my sister was having her baby over Christmas and my dad helped them out. The GF had a tantrum and moved out thinking my dad would run after her. Well he didn't.

No late no offence taken at all.

I was just explaining myself, in case I had offended you!

I hope the adoption goes well, and how lovely that your DSS, wants it to happen so keenly. (Although, tragically, because his mum is so inadequate in the first place)

Oh good sass

Thank you, fingers crossed. Bio mum is abroad and incommunicado i.e. blocked our phone numbers and emails so that we could not send her any more photos or updates online but I have managed to find a home address so let's see what happens... Either way, dss is very much my son and has brought so much joy to my life. I simply cannot relate to so many of the SMs out there who want to come between dds and their dc ...

You are obviously a well rounded, secure human being and they are so obviously not!

It is really strange how their thinking is the polar opposite of what myself and others (you) would think is the right way to get your new dp to fall in love with you and want to spend the rest of their lives with you, I.e, treat their dc's well.

It baffles me, that they must think, treat dc's like shit and alienate them to get dp to fall in love with me and spend the rest of his live in my clutches.

I wonder whether there was s any correlation between that way of thinking and how many times they read snow white or Cinderella?

My DF remarried although I still (30+ years later) have no idea when. I have a good relationship with DF and he comes to my house every week or two for a cuppa.
My SM hated the fact that I, as a young teenager, had a claim on my dad. Looking back, I think she was actually jealous. She got on much better with my brothers, and still does.

I have never stayed at their house, even when I was young. I remember dad complaining that we never popped round to see him so, when I was 13, I got my bike out, pedalled round and knocked on the front door.

SM opened it a crack and looked at me with one eye and said, "yes?"

"I've come to see my dad."

"He's not in."

"Oh!" (Genuinely confused) "he told me he would be."

"Well, he's in - but he's asleep."

"Oh."

Then I heard my dad talking in the background. She looked at me and said "I suppose you better come in."

I remember stepping around her, through the crack, because she didn't hold the door open. As my dad saw me - and beamed with delight - she said quietly, "you're not staying long enough for a drink, are you?"

I didn't know what the right answer was so I shook my head.

I don't remember how long I stayed or what happened next, but I never, never went back.

Yes you are right sass dss' bio mum married a very insecure man who wanted his wife all to himself. We saw some photos of their flat on Facebook and there was not a single photo of dss anywhere in the background. It was like he never existed

Love the fairytale reference Dss are so close that I sometimes crack wicked stepmother jokes about not wanting him around and dss just rolls his eyes and laughs "Yeah right, mum!" and gives me a hug. I have no bio dc but I genuinely feel no void in my life. I find some of the stories on here a bit embarrassing tbh

My parents are still together, though it was a second marriage and each had their children with them fulltime. Everyone gets on well, but as the youngest and the (only) between them - it has been very obvious at times that I have had some preferential treatment. I love my siblings and due to our age gaps, they have been very parental towards me and we are close.

My DC's dad had a GF who stopped him seeing them for 6 months as soon as she came on the scene - it was horrific and in the end I approached the GF, who agreed to visits as her family didn't like that her BF didn't see his kids

It lasted a matter of weeks after he started up contact again. His current partner (of 3 years) is fairly nice and seems to get on with my DC very well - they now have a DD together and she has a DC from a previous relationship. I often find myself worried about them splitting up tbh, she's nice and wary enough of me (I'm always super polite! but can be very protective of my children) and I know he would become spineless again and ruin his relationship with our DC. We all get on extremely well - but I worry about little unequalities that my DC may feel.

It's for that reason that when ex left, I committed myself to a year of no dates - just pure focus on my children. We had a smashing time tbh and even at 18 months when I met current DP, he didn't meet my DC for a year after that because I wanted to be sure. We all live together now and DP is very kind towards my DC (no kids of his own). They love him and I wouldn't settle for anything less for them. If he treated my DC badly - he would be gone no matter how many years I've been with him.

Sorry, just realised I've totally rambled there!!

sugar I had brass balls. When I called home I would record the call and play it back to my dad so there was zero mistake about what was said. My dad got the police involved (under the influence of the GF) and I told the GF I would think twice about that. Making a 17 year old homeless is quite close to neglect which is an offense. I was taken to the police station and told the officer everything that had happened plus my concerns that my father was a victim of domestic abuse. The police issued her with a warning over her behavior towards me. My dad was furious with me but I felt nothing but pride.

Quite frankly the GF was so evil and nasty to myself and my siblings that if she were dying and I could save her I would walk on by after reminding her how evil was to us (especially my brother). I wouldn't even put her out of her misery, I'd let her die as slowly and painfully as possible.

Evening all, hope I don't break the thread (which I seem to be very good at) but felt the urge to add. Whilst I'm aware that my own tale isn't as extreme as others, there are moments when I certainly want to explode / point out a few injustices but know exactly what the reaction would be -- anger from father, hurt puppy from mother. I'm also awar this may out me to individuals in real life but hey - if they read it then they might actually pay attention.
My brother and I were adopted but within the family - father is bio uncle, mother is his wife and there in lies the problems. From the second their own offspring turned up, there has been a massive difference as to how we have been treated, all seemingly minor in themselves but looking back there is such a difference. But when you live it you get used to it - no wonder my elder brother was out as soon as he was 18 and I was out by my 17th birthday. Silly little things : to this day I've never had a key to their house and even now my own DP doesn't feel relaxed going round - it's not home, or welcoming like other family members eg aunt etc.
I moved to England when I was 17 and in over 25 years have had 3 visits : 2 of which were for me getting married. Yet when kid brother got married, it was apparent that they knew all his friends, wife to be's family etc - it seems they visit about 4-5 times a year and have done for years. We can always tell because the texts / calls / FaceTime requests drop off for a week or 2.
Then last year there was life altering info about my older brother : family secret shit for 40+ years which they had withheld- it was left to me to tell him. And now they play the victim, because he is (righteously) angry...but off they pop to see kid brother and new grandchild, withdrawing from wider family because they have their own proper family..l

But what hurts is that I know exactly what will be said, how they will react and it's never their fault, they did their best etc, but if it was ever actually spelled out just how differently they treat us, they'd be mortified and in utter denial...!

Long and ranting, thanks if you made it to the end!

yes, if only you could hold a true and accurate mirror up to the people who behave like this. Not even the ones who know what they're doing, how they are driving the original children out; but the weak men/women who pretend it's not happening, who close their eyes to it all and then start finding fault with the child so they can justify their neglect. Then moving onto to dislike and blaming the child ...

Also yes to a previous poster, it's not only men who do this. More often men, but some women too.

I have 3 step children and 2 of my own. Mine were raised by me as their Dad worked away. My partners 3 were raised by his wife who then killed herself. The two boys (older) have complex emotional issues and often treat me badly, in a way that mine would never. They are 12 and 9 and I frequently find myself arguing with them about stupid things like screen time. Its total crap and I feel so unappreciated. I cook all their meals, take care of school things, get homework done, do the laundry and I am treated little better than a domestic drudge. I am fed up of being spoken to like crap.