hi all.....brand new member so please be gentle:-)
Im a dad to three junior school aged girls and my partner of seven months, has two boys aged 6 and 3......all the kids get on really well with each on the whole and my girls love my new partner, they also love their mums new partner too.....i share custody with my girls mum and I usually see them every day in some capacity.
My problem is predominantly with my GF's 6 year old old, although the lack of respect he shows has a trickle down effect on his younger brother. As time has gone on, I find him to be very disrespectful to both his mother and myself (.....im very big on respect and discipline, i know my girls arent angels, im aware of their flaws and i would be very quick to come down hard on them, if they were ever disrespectful to another adult in my presence)......i also find him to be very sly,calculating and whiny
The 6 year old is clearly her favourite and he is rarely held to account for anything he does, like deliberately hiding my car keys/cash cards when im over there and lets us look for hours before he is found to have been hiding them!!......he has peeled off massive pieces of wallpaper in my home and isnt punished for it, other than a quick telling off.......he is very quick to get his younger brother in trouble with fake crying after a squabble, yet gets away with it loads of times when he does the hitting......im convinced she sees all this but perhaps fears the knives are out for him so tries to play things down....my GF allows me to discipline both boys as i allow her the same with my girls, but i know from instances with members of the public, she hates anyone attempting to tell them off for anything, even when she knows they have needed it......where as i would totally accept a stranger or friends and family telling my kids off for misbehaving.
The oldest walks past the bathroom during the night, to use our en suite sometime 2 to 3 times a night and wakes us up with lights on and talking,often trying to get in with us afterwards and takes the hump when my GF says no (...which then often prompts him to start coughing in his bed for the next half hour, till my GF thinks he needs some asthma meds and starts worrying if he needs the doctors in the morning!!!!).......all attention seeking and purely because he hasnt had his own way.....the cough may continue all night, or come back in a few days......sometimes very voilently and she insists hes a sleep when he does it, but im not convinced!!
i have sleepily raised the point of how coughing fits always follow a no answer to getting in the bed, or a no answer to " can i play on the kindle? " at daft o'clock in the morning!....and my GF doesnt deny it, or admit it...i think she is embarrassed........these broken nights effect everyone the next day and along with the genuine wake ups during the night for sickness,bad dreams etc....take their toll the next day
Acting up at the table, back chat, moodyness etc are all common place and punishment is threatened by their mum often...but they both know really that it rarely happens, especially for the older boy........my GF works in childcare and is very strict with those kids, which seems to baffle me even more!!
she wont usually tell her boys off if we are in public because she doesnt want to embarrass them, but if its serious enough, you shouldnt allow kids that luxury surely??......she talks a lot about not wanting them to be fearful of her, but i think my girls arent fearful of me, they just have a healthy respect!!!......her eldest even tells her off for shouting at him after he has done something and she just kind of takes it!!
im sure its plain to see he's got under my skin, i'm annoyed with my self for this but cant seem to do much about it........very sorry about the length of this post, i could have filled it ten times over with more frustrations:-).......i love my GF and want this to work otherwise i would have called time on the relationship before now, just looking for some input please...thank you