DRY 11

[TeapotDictator]

Time for a shiny new thread.

Old thread here

Sorry to disappoint Matron but not as far as I'm aware. There is one blogger who has gone for long stretches of sobriety and then gone back to drinking thinking she can only to decide that it's not working and goes back to living alcohol free. She's done this two or three times now in my coming up 900 days.

Lucy I'm so angry tonight at the unfairness of it all. I'm clutching at straws. What an indulgent, childish plum I'm being.

Must remind myself of what I was doing this time last Friday. Trouble is I think I have done repenting for that particular episode. I've got a catalogue of shame to draw on but that's too painful in the main to conjur up.

So it's anger with a side of denial for me tonight.

How are you getting on jojo?

jojo and matron - this is your first weekend AF? And you're over your hangover from the last time...Your body is ready for more, and the memories are less raw.

This is the hard bit. Would you believe me if I told you that now (and for some time now) I wouldn't choose to drink even if I could guarantee I would stop at 2 glasses?? There is light at the end of the tunnel, and you need to go through some serious readjustments... But it is there. Hang tight, and keep on. IMO even relatively moderate drinkers pay the price - just most of them don't know it as their alcohol levels are usually kept topped up, so they really never get to experience life without being a slave to alcohol!

And would you really REALLY only want one or two? How boring would that be I couldn't moderate however many tricks I tried, and things were only getting worse. No more!

Matron I went through it too so go easy on yourself But I also agree with everything Fuzzy said & I wouldn't chose to drink now either. This is bargaining pure and simple as your internal addict is getting ansty and throwing a fit to try to get you to relent. If you resist and stay strong you will have won tonight's battle and we're already at 9pm so you're doing great! :)

Matron I can highly recommend reading reading reading. :) Read Caroline Knapp's seminal book 'Drinking a love story'; or Sarah Hepola 'Blackout: Remembering the things I drank to forget' as well as the FANTASTIC book by Ann Dowsett Johnson 'Drink: The Intimate relationship between women and alcohol'.

Brilliant books all, and each deal with anger and grief as well. But they also deal with why women drink..... what leads women to use alcohol as a coping mechanism, as an escape etc. Also, have you been on Mrs D's blog yet? She is a NZ blogger, and she describes the first year of getting sober month by month so brilliantly. She is 4 years plus now, but at the top of her blog page you can instantly click to the first month.

livingwithoutalcohol.blogspot.co.uk/

I may have replaced an obsession with drinking with an obsession for reading sober memoirs. but the truth is I find that the more I learn the more it helps me.

Alcohol is an arse.

Hope everyone is okay.

I hoover up sober memoirs too Cheesy even this far down the line - I know I really need them. Not (I hope) in any sad kind of way, but in order to remind me that this is my truth just as it is their truth. The more I remember that I identify with others treading this path, the more likely I feel I will keep to this path. Otherwise there is always that little voice (often an extremely tiny voice) lurking within that will try to convince me that "just one drink" might be a good idea.

I am deranged with stress at the moment, so much so that I feel half-mad. Apologies for being absent, I honestly feel as though this is the lowest point of my whole life. I am focusing all my energy on trying to keep it in the day and not catastrophise about the future. Good wishes to all X

Big hug Teapot
Agreed Cheesy Ann Dowsett Johnson & Caroline Knapp are required reading. Haven't read Sarah Hepola yet but hear lots of good things.

And ah the lovely Lotta - aka Mrs D - too :)

matron I don't know if there are many of us on this thread who managed to go dry and that was it. I've had a few wobbles (as in drank)
On my first 'slip' at Christmas, I ended up throwing up (empty stomach not a huge amount of wine)
Then I sipped over Christmas. Really sipped like great Aunt Edna on the annual sherry. I was terrified of taking it too far There is absolutely no fun in moderation. There is no fun in getting hammered either. Its a tough one to get your head around.
Its such early days for you and at your stage I was white knuckling too. Its not until you have a good stretch of sober behind you that your mind feels better about it. Ill post again tomorrow my phone is playing up!.

Morning all, Happy Mothers Day! Am afraid I zonked out early last night again, I seem to be exhausted this week!! Up now with coffee, toast and chocolate from the kids and about to head out for my early bird swim. Feeling good that I got through yesterday which is the worst day of the week for me. Thanks for all the support and sober reading tips - I find books and blogs etc very helpful and also hearing that moderation really doesn't work. It's such a seductive idea though!!
matron how are you feeling about your big lunch today? We are all rooting for you!

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

My DS just came in and told me that for MY mother's day gift he has decided he can eat pringles for breakfast.

Fair enough.

Matron hope the lunch goes well.

Morning All, it's time for me to delurk and introduce myself. Longtime mnetter, new name etc. I'm in day 13, so am just completing my 2nd sober weekend.
The last time I was drunk was 2 Fridays ago, and I got up on Saturday morning, I knew that I had had sex. My DH rolled over in the bed and said something like, wow, that was great last night, you were like a woman possessed. I staggered to the loo, sat down, and sdmitted it to my self that I couldn't remember a thing about it. Why do I sit in my own lovely home, with my fab kids and my DH whom I love so much, and drink myself into oblivion? I tipped away at booze over the

My DS just came in and told me that for MY mother's day gift he has decided he can eat pringles for breakfast

Love it!

Greetings to all my fellow sober sistas on the fine sunny morning (well it is here darn' sarf). I'm not expecting anything from my (grown up) kids today - may get a bunch of flowers from the daughter but she stayed out all night so I haven't seen her yet this morning.

However, she did something midweek that is unheard of in our family annals - she cleaned her shitehole of a room of her own volition.

In fact she did it with enthusiasm - sheets were washed, windows were opened, floors were mopped, rugs were scrubbed, and it's like a little palace in there now. So yesterday, taking her lead I decided to blitz the house - which I did - from top to bottom with my new found sober energy, and it looks fab!

So today I shall just be lounging around in my lovely clean house sipping mixed berry tea (my new favourite beverage).

Have a great day all!

Font
x

Sorry, posted too soon! I tipped away at booze over the weekend and on Monday, after school drop off, went on Amazon to find the Allen Carr book. I ordered it and spent a few hours reading all the reviews of it - even those were enough to change my mindset. It helps me to think of it not as having given up alcohol, but as giving up the awful hangovers, the insomnia, palpitations, night sweats, the rats knawing at my toes the next day, the self loathing. And the dumbing down of my own brain.
I panicked last week, and booked an appointment with a therapist,( my booze money is piling up!) but don't know what I'll say.
Anyway, to close on a high note, my skin is glowing, my eyes are whiter, I have deflated. I was at a big birthday party last night with enormous boozers, and I was composed, in control, and a wee bit bored by 11:30,so we left just as it was getting really messy. And I drove home! And I drove the babysitter home! I'll meet all the party goers at rugby training later, and they'll all be dying, and regretful, and planning their cure. Kids are coming with breakfast - and I don't have a hangover !!
Thank you everyone for sharing, and showing me it can be done X

Cheesy, I like your DS! That's very funny.

Nell, welcome. I recognise the blackout worry, trying to piece together what went on the night before but having no memory of it at all. It's shocking how we can seem to function whilst not actually being quite all there. Been there, done that.

X post, Nell. Yay to all that positivity!!

Morning everyone and welcome Nell

I devoured Mrs D's blog last night. It seems my feelings are not unique at all but just new to me. This is so comforting to know that you have all gone before me and confirms that sobriety is absolutely the right route for me.

jojo I've got determination today (but it is only 10.30)

Nell my drunken sex skills are also legendary thank goodness they have been confined to my marriage for the past 10 years.

Ps I'm off to have my Mothers' Day Pringles

Just quickly dropping by.....Thirstynell just want to say I love, love, love your post!! Welcome your experience sounds very similar to mine....had a similar experience in the bedroom with DH last year. Took me a while longer and a few more pissed up stupid antics before I quit, but still....... I also love your analogy about the "rats knawing at your toes" ... If you aren't a writer, you probably should be xx

To all the new posters and anyone else really.....what has worked for me is finding things I want MORE than drinking alcohol and the inevitable oblivion it WILL bring. So, things like the glowing skin, the joyous mood, the shrinking tummy, the pride, the ever increasing self esteem......... The lack of anxiety when I wake. No self loathing or shame. Wonderful deep sleep. I could go on and on but there's a full day of sober fabulousness waiting for me to grab it!!!
Teapot I feel for you my love I'm sure you already know this but it WILL get better. You should be proud of yourself for the way you are focusing on the now, as that is all that you can do with most things in life. It's just that a lot of people, (me included a lot of the time), can't do it as its not easy, really not easy. Take care and please remind yourself that you are strong x

Yellow hi are you feeling better after your lull?

Welcome nell I'm loving your positivity.
matron my phone was playing up last night but the gist of my post was that if you get to enjoy sobriety moderation holds no appeal! I was going to post that if you haven't read Allen Carr yet I suggest you order it now
nell sums it up pretty well. Your not actually giving anything up. Its just getting your head around it which isn't always easy in the early days.

Happy mothers' day all

Welcome Nell! Sounding good. My last piss up involved a blackout as well; I still don't know exactly what happened that night...

Matron how is your lunch going? Hope all ok.

Loving all the determination on here today, welcome nell!

Went swimming, 30 lengths!! Scales say I am 5 lbs lighter than when I started Dry Jan so there's a motivation (and have eaten loads of chocolate so it must be the lack of alcohol!). Am now 'enjoying' a trip to the soft play centre and will soon be 'enjoying' a trip round Tesco's with the DS's

Only bad point today so far is my own mum sounding very elderly and ill on the phone - they are a 9 hour drive away - am always worried about them.

matron hope all is going well, stay strong

Morning sober lovlies :) won't come too close as still v poorly ( day 6 in bed ) but wanted to say hi.
matron hope the lunch is going well xxx
I have had a lovely Mothers day card and gift but all other plans have had to be shelved due to me being ill.
But waking up hangoverfree never felt better!