For those of you who have fallen accidentally or accidentally on purpose pregnant, what effect has it had on your relationship?

[DarrellRivers]

i am interested in your stories, postitive and negative.
for those of you whose DPs have wanted a certain number of children, and then through whatever circumstances, more children than expected arrive.
We have 2 lovely children and i would love a 3rd. DP feels we can only afford 2. I respect his decision on this but we are due another chat re this in a few months, and I would love to hear some stories about expectations being altered by real life circumstances , and I suppose stories from both good and bad sides of the coin would be helpful in discussing this decision with 2 v different viewpoints.
Thanks in advance

good god

Golly, life in black and white there

I'm pregnant with our second "surprise". In fact we had sex one time in two months, so it was a big surprise.

Dh is nothing but supportive and happy, a little worried at first though. He's one of 11 kids and most of his brothers and sisters have 4+ kids so the idea of a big family is in his head anyway.

This year is make or break time for me to have number three, dh says no he is quite happy with two for mainly financial reasons, ie education etc and it's a little bit irrelevant discussing it as I have a lot of weight to loose before I could think about getting pregnant again. So that's my task for this year loose the weight so we can begin to have sensible conversations about the possibility. I just feel I am not finished at two, got quite emotional today sorting out the toys to put some of the more baby ones in the loft, not ready at all to think that is the end of babydom.

DS2 was conceived while I was on the pill. I had taken all my pills, but had bad IBS that month.
H didn't react well at all, but my H never wanted children & was adament he would have no more than 1!
He was not supportive of the pregnancy & didn't want to know at the birth. He made horrible comments when I was in hospital following the birth & described the day he brought us home from hospital as the second worse day of his life. (The first being his fathers death)
He first held DS2 when he was 4 days old & I ended up with PND.
He now adores DS2 - infact he is quite the daddy's boy!
My story is a pretty negative one, I guess, but I think reactions like my H's are pretty rare.

I was 20 when i had dd not planned and a complete i was still at home and so was dh we had spoke about children but nither of us wanted them untill we were in are late 20's.

2 years later and ds was born very much planned this time.
Dh said that was it no more.
2 years later i got that broody feeling and dh was having none of it. Like you ladytophamhatt i pleded and begged and it was when i cried he realised how much i wanted another baby. Ds2 was born in september

Reading your thread LTH had me in tears i already know that i would love just 1 more baby but would never ask or beg again he gave in once i do not expect him to do it again.

Well you guys have completely re-educated me tonight. For somebody who had trouble TTC I always thought about these "unplanned pregnancies" and thought
But obviously these things do happen and you guys are living proof.

close friend had two teenage kids. Husband dead against having more. She hgot pg again and he said it ruined his life and he went off with another woman when the child was about 3

wicked

just thinking should we shouldnt we have another?

dh is sound asleep next to me looking so cute

ds's are now 9 and 10

last comment of the lady with teenagers has put a dampers on my thinking

my dh ex got pg with his baby by tricking him and he now has to support a child that he really didnt want, what is wrong with women who do this?

DS#2 was very definitely an accident. Neither of us wanted another. DH was better then me when we first found out - I was miserable for the first few months and had a horrible pregnancy as I was told there was a chance he had Downs and I worried about everything. Since DS was born he is very much loved but undoubtedly he has put a huge pressure on our relationship and the family in general - no 3 was a child too far for us. I could never imagine getting pregnant 'accidentally on purpose' in our situation - it would have been a real betrayal.

Accidentally on purpose is SO morally wrong. I know someone who is half way through such a pregnancy. Her OH has always said he will never marry her or father a child.
They have been together for 6 years. He is not amused at all. He has left her over christmas to go away with friends even though she has had a difficult pregnancy and has been in hospital twice. He is still not back and who knows if he ever will be.
Luckily for her money is not an issue . She is a professional 32 year old but I think she had a silly school girl fantasy that he would fall on his knees ,propose marriage and say it was the happiest day of his life. It didnt happen.

LLS
no its not morally wrong. Everyone, man or woman should accept that every time they have sex, it may result in a baby. Contraception only swings the probabilities.

But if one party deliberately fails to use contraception to swing the odds firmly one way, isn't that wrong?

db3 due in feb was an unplanned pg, in as much as we didn't decide to try to conceive BUT we weren't using any contraceptive and knew that I might, didn't really discuss and left it up to fate. We could do this because we were completely happy to have another and it was a nice way to do it I found

Everyone should take their own responsibility for contraception. So this guy thought he was getting free sex, and she would take care of her feelings and the contraception, and then its all her fault, blame the woman when she gets pg....pah.

free, condomless sex presumably.

Everyone? So he should use a condom and she should be on the pill? Just to be on the safe side and to make sure they are both taking joint responsibility? I am assuming that in the situation LLS was describing the couple (established, not brand new fling) had discussed the issue of contraception and babies and knew where they stood. Of course intercourse can lead to conception but most methods of contraception are fairly reliable if used properly, and in any relationship there has to be an element of trust.

Why is only one of them getting 'free sex' btw?

Xenia, you're a headcase.

Message withdrawn

This thread shows what anecdotal evidence shows - that women, more than men want the extra child/children. That wouldn't matter if they could financially support them and indeed the 32 year old who in essence used the man as a sperm donor and earns a lot is not burdening him except then there's the guilt for him of a child he didn't want. Those who don't want children can not sleep around, guard their sperm jeaously etc. My sister could have done it this way but she did it perhaps the morally better way of importing the sperm from the US and having her children by IVF on her own.

The cases of frozen sperm and men not wanting a child after a break up etc but that being the woman's only chance are very difficult. It is a fascinating area.

The comment that the man said it was the worst day of his life when the child was born was like my ex's reaction. He wasn't at that birth for example.

noelallie,
because she obviously wanted something more than sex? dont lets perpetrate the cosmopolitan myth that women sleep around as casually as men.

If he was adamant that he didnt want a baby, then yes, he should have taken his responsibility. It was up to her whether she took hers.

wwjd - I see your point. I had assumed that it was some sort of grown-up relationship where matters were discussed openly and there was trust. Seems not.

IME (being ancient and probably old-fashioned) I don't see women as being the same as men in their sexual proclivities but others here (and elsewhere) seem to think otherwise.

yes, I think that is realistic, and not old-fashioned (once past the teen stage when you're immortal, anyway).

Cosmopolitan myth?

FFS.

Where's morningpaper?