Still moving forward. Bank/fraud now sorted but everything else still the same

[HoppingForward]

I now have access to my own account online with his access removed.

I've changed passwords to everything and a new name here. Please don't write my previous NN on here paranoid feel free to PM if you have an idea of the back story for needing to start this new thread.

Still lots to do appointments wise and he is still a stupid bastard playing mind games. But in his mind it's all my doing.

I admit I laughed a bit at the 'you have wiped me out of your life' comment. Wasn't he the one on your case to get the debits moved in the first place? Idiot.

'Mr Nice Guy' was bound to disappear at some point. At least now you know you're strong enough to face him down.

I've been told he has been messaging the barmaid at the pub he oh so liked to frequent far to often whilst we waited at home for him every Friday and Saturday night.

I can't say I'm not hurt. He has been sending me emails declaring how he can change and how much he loves me and all the while lining up his next victim. Why do that? Why not leave me alone, why chase so soon ready for the new Mrs Hopping.

I'm trying to hold it together but it's so hard

There are just some men who cannot bear to be alone so they start lining up 'Ms Just in Case' whilst still trying to hold on to a dying/dead relationship. I seriously don't think it means they 'love' Ms JiC, just that they want/need to have a 'fallback'. Pretty shallow, I think.

I'd be tempted to print the emails and give them to the barmaid. Tempted, but I wouldn't really do it……I don't think.

I've texted her. She is a mum from one of our local schools, married, with 4 DC. Mutual FB "friend" told me about it.

She has said "they are just friends" she has been very nice over text but is still messaging each other.

I've sent him an email, I won't send anymore. I'm heartbroken all over again just like the last time I discovered "just friends" text messages to a women at our work. I feel like I've been dragged back by 4 years, the pain that he really doesn't care. The embarrassment that I wasted my 30s on him. I'm hiding from the DC, they can't know. She has a daughter in the year above our eldest in the same school.

The pain and hate is too much

Leave it go. Please, leave it go. Remember that your marriage is over, by your choice, because of his horrible behaviour. Don't give him more ammo, don't stroke his ego by reacting.

No, he really doesn't care. But I think you knew this already. Let this be a real 'wake up moment' for you.

I agree. At worst tell him to save his breath with the dedicated husband, as you know he's fishing elsewhere and it's definitely over anyway.
But I'd try not to give any headspace to what he does and with whom.

I've made it very clear that I have caught him out yet again and to never contact me again.

I am raging in fact I'm just going to go to bed. I've sent him screen shots of the messages he tried to delete before I saw them. I've never felt hate and rage like this, I was doing so well.

I need to crack on with sorting a solicitor appointment.

I'm not so sure that feeling hate and rage isn't a good thing. As long as it builds determination in you to get out and to not allow him to jack you around financially.

Good morning.

I slept really well thanks to an extra diazipam and my music on.

I've had nothing from him and he better stay that way. I'm taking DC to school and then popping in to the solicitor my friend has recommended to book an appointment.

He is dead to me. If h sends anything other than an email to see DDs I'm deleting without reading.

Hopping.
He has form, you know he is taking the simple road with promises of changes in order to come back, he wants the "comfort".
You know he is a lying feckless cheat & that he isn't going to be alone for the rest of his life licking his wounds.
This is the LAST slap in the face. The barmaid probably isn't even interested in being friends (shag) anyway.What a Tosser

BUT, you don't want him let this be your Mantra.

I really don't want him and yes this has been a very harsh slap in the face but I'm over it.

Solicitor appointment booked for next week. Weirdly, even though I know she has arranged to meet up with him after we text back and forth all day on Monday ad she said she wouldn't "hurt you, by staying in contact Hun" she sent me a text yesterday morning asking if I'm ok.

I have no need to reply to her as my issue was with him, but why do that? Some people are fucking weird.

He called to speak to the DC last night. Asked DD3 if he could talk to mummy so I took the phone and ended the call without saying anything. I've had no contact since sending him the screen shots to prove he is a fucking cheating liar and I made the right decision.

My guess is that she sees this on some level as a competition and this is drawing her in. At the same time she's indulging in a bit of cognitive dissonance in order to preserve her view of herself as someone who wouldn't be disloyal.

She's messing with your head, not necessarily deliberately, so it's best to disengage.

sounds like they deserve one another
Jog on

I've de friended her on FB and blocked her on my phone, he has been blocked etc on both for weeks now.

Let them get on with it, I don't care.

I still have his un wanted items due to lack of space in my garage but I've taken them all out of my lovely suitcase and put them in bin bags ready for when he sees DD on Saturday. I'll leave it on the lawn and if he don't take them they are going straight in the wheelie bin.

Oh, I'd forgotten about the infamous suitcase in the car boot! About time you got rid of that!

He isn't having the suitcase. He asked for the 3D TV as his new pad of this week is unfurnished. I agreed at the time but now it's a big fuck you, he is getting nothing but a bin bag of flip flops and suit jackets.

And I've found Netflix on the nice new 3D TV I'm watching orange is the new black, so tough shit.

haha love the new attitude hopping tell him to go round to the 'FB Friend' and watch her tv if hes so bothered!!
and deffo wheelie bin the stuff he hasnt collected if it doesnt go on Saturday!

Quite right! (About the TV) glad your fury seems to actually be helping you.

Don't think her husband would be very pleased shoe

oh well if its all so innocent im sure her hubby wouldnt mind him popping over to share the TV?!!
You keep that 3D tv and maybe buy some lovely new films for the DC to watch on it too!! :D

I finally feel we have turned a corner in the house today.

DD2 didn't handle what happened that night very well, no reason why she should at the age of 11 really.

She caused massive problems at school and at home and ended up ohysically assaulting me DD1 told the school, social services drafted in, I've had weeks of meetings with the school and SS etc.

DD2 finally started talking to me, home life is better. We had a welfare meeting at home today and she spoke to them with me there and whilst I went off to deal with her younger sister.

She has text her dad, they are talking, she is happier and it looks like they might all meet up with him this weekend.

I'm pleased for her and for her sisters, it doesn't matter what he did to me, he still loved them in his own way and the very much love him. I think this will really help set the calm in our house.

I'm seeing my solicitor next week and then will arrange informal (or formal) contact every other weekend, no over night. And let the DC decide if they want to go or not.

What do you think?

Hopping, I think your doing amazing!
Having followed your original thread and now this one I can honestly say you are an inspiration for anyone going through any situation like this.
You have handled it admirably and continue to do so and clearly that's helping your girls come to terms with the situation too.
I feel you are absolutely correct in formal contact, no overnights and certainly not until he has a furnished place suitable for them to stay, and let the children ultimately decide if they want to see him or not.
I hope your solicitor meeting goes well and you are able to start with the next step of living on and formalising all the arrangements of the split.
How is star by the way? Is she still with you as you were fostering for a few weeks weren't you?

That's great. :)

Having said that, you are their mother and responsible for their welfare. Don't be afraid to step in and limit contact if necessary. I don't think it should be left too much to children to decide on what contact to have. An opinion, yes, but not the final decision. It may lead to internal conflict. The key is to keep talking and being alert to their feelings.
But you seem to be doing well in that respect.

I'm on it Lweji it's early days but I'm ready to pounce when needed, mother tiger and all that.

shoe star is doing amazingly well, we are nearly 4 weeks with her and I fear I need to start saving up to pay to keep her. She is still terrified of men. I tried to take her into town to the cash point last week and she had a complete melt down.(I think it was the shopping trolleys) I didn't look like a total idiot sitting on the floor outside Asda coaxing her out on her lead from a parked car, oh no

She is now on natures diet - no more dried food, her coat is amazing and she loves her marrow bones, she has stopped burying them as soon as I give them to her.

She has her good days and her bad days, just like me

Oh gosh yes, keep everything you want (Netflix is a boon! Try Amazing Grace when the dd's aren't around) and dump the crap on him.

Be angry. You have every right to be.