Still moving forward. Bank/fraud now sorted but everything else still the same

[HoppingForward]

I now have access to my own account online with his access removed.

I've changed passwords to everything and a new name here. Please don't write my previous NN on here paranoid feel free to PM if you have an idea of the back story for needing to start this new thread.

Still lots to do appointments wise and he is still a stupid bastard playing mind games. But in his mind it's all my doing.

I would be making sure I had lots of one-to-one time with DD2. Doing something you both enjoy and use it to talk about feelings and about what you are both going through.
I don't really think you should go the way of punishing her at this stage.

She is clearly angry at something. The problem is that I would guess she is probably channeling her anger where she can.
It may be that she is confused, not in control, or letting go repressed feelings she had while dad was at home.
A therapist will help, but you could also allow her to talk about how she feels and let her know you are on her side, regardless.

I was watching your other thread and missed the meltdown till just now so am happy to have found you.

She is clearly very angry, I've managed to get her to talk to me a couple of times with silent tears where she told me she doesn't mean to be so nasty but she just can't help it.

This isn't a new thing for her, we have always had low level problems. We sent her to a new school when started juniors and they asked me to take her to the DRs to be assessed. We have done all of that, fallen. In and out of the NHS system, last person saying there isn't any aspergers etc she has always steuggled with friendships, empathy, anger problems.

Maybe staying together for those last 4 years really did her more harm than good, I don't know.

Lweji I'm going to take your advice, she will be angry at being put on report at school, she hates school, they have been very supportive for me and kept me up to date daily.

Let's see what happens today.

Remember that the workplace will give you another layer of protection. There, he isn't just your stbx, he's your coworker and subject to all rules regarding workplace harassment. Don't be afraid to use those rules.

I'd let DD2 bide until she's seen the counselor and you've had a chance to talk to him/her.

I've purposely only told one of the senior managers I PA for (out of 5) that we have separated, I haven't told him about the reasons why, just the facts.

Everyone else thinks I'm off with anxiety/gynae problems. I want to be back in my working environment before people start to find out so I can deal with any nosey buggers questions face to face.

I've had lots of FB friend request from people I supervise and people from previous schools that I haven't spoken to for years I've ignored them all. I only have a handful of work friends on my Facebook and that's just because ive been there a long time.

I can carry out my working day without needing to have any contact with him and plan to go back with work and personal life firmly separated.

Off on the school run soon, it's horrible out there 😯 and then hopefully DD2 will just come along to this appointment with no fuss, im just planning on making no fuss about it and have made spag Bol in the slow cooker so we can eat as soon as we can get in.

I'm going to leave the phone internet thing for now and see what happens.

I agree with keeping social media contacts to a minimum. At this point you don't really know what he may or may not have said to whom, but all of a sudden getting friend requests from 'semi-random' work & school people would raise my eyebrows. It's just good to know that if he calls you during work regarding personal stuff or you find out he's spreading shit or trying to find out shit you may have workplace rule protection to stop him.

I hope the appt goes well. Remember that often you don't hit the 'right' counselor the first time. If DD2 doesn't 'click' (other than just being a child) don't be afraid to ask for her to see someone else. But honestly, I think once she realizes the counselor is a safe place to just vent and let it all out, she'll actually feel good about it.

I haven't had any contact, email, text from him since he had DD3 on Sunday.

He sent an email during the week about a holiday we have booked (UK caravan 3 days) asking if he should continue paying it for me to take the girls.

I ignored it, it pisses me off that he doesn't think that in Aug he may be able to take his children away, I wouldn't be able to afford the spends, petrol etc and he knows that.

I took the girls out last night to a friends surprise party and he texted at 8pm.

Really demanding, wanting to know about the holiday, when am I taking over the bills for the house, when am I taking my name off of the joint (mine first) bank account. Not asking about the children or anything.

I haven't heard back from WTC or CM. Do I reply or continue to ignore until I know what's happening.

I bet he expects to see DD3 on Mother's Day as well.

Good news though, the boiler is in and working

I read your other thread but had nothing to contribute. Just want to say now you're doing fantastically.

Thanks strictly I've had a text just now about not replying and the DC being just like me and let's all do it.

Hopefully that's a promise he can keep ie not contacting me. I've told him time and time again to email so the D. Don't see his text messages. DD3 uses my phone to watch YouTube videos and he knows this.

Such a control freak.

I saw my GP yesterday and I'm going back to work next week

Excellent news that you're back to work.

Fingers crossed he can do as he says and leave you alone. I'm guessing you'll have more of it yet but you're far better able to handle it than you were in the past

He just pisses me off to no where end and back that not once does he ask about his children.

Nothing to ask how DD2 is doing with the school problems, nothing about missing them or asking if they are ready to talk to him yet. It's like, they aren't talking to them so he isn't talking about them.

Arggghhhh

I'm going to try and fit a new Emerson heater cover now with my music on, this should be fun!

My vote is to ignore. He isn't listening to you anyway. It's all just to keep that thread that attaches him to your life in place.

I know you are right Across he knew we were out last night because we have 1 FB friend in common (I defrended him last month) and they tagged me in a "looking forward to tonight" post.

That is why he sent that text last night, to take my focus away from my friends and the party and put it on him, all about him.

And that is why he text in the morning, it's all about him

I sent a message to the FB friend and they have De friended him for me.

Good! I don't 'do' social media. I find it intrusive and, what's the word?, trouble-brewing? It seems that any time a friend or relative has a 'tiff' with someone it always starts with 'I saw this on FB' or 'Did you see what XX posted on FB'. I have to admit that part of it is also because it seems that people from the past start to crawl out of the woodwork! DH has FB and it's amazing the people from his mis-spent youth (not criminal, just mis-spent) that find him! I do NOT want that!!! But I digress.

Yep, he has a need to keep himself on the forefront of your thoughts. Because he is so important and because he knows it upsets you. Perhaps next night out or special event you should block him (on all phones) before you leave?

If he continues, you can always let him know that you will not respond to texts about general needs/schedules, that he needs to email about those. And that you will ONLY respond to texts when the DC are with him OR if it is a true emergency.

I would also change your settings on Facebook.

If a 'friend' tags me on FB, I have to ok it before it appears on my timeline. If you were to do this, it may reduce him seeing the events/parties etc that you are attending to spoil it for you.

Ah, you are here :o)
You don't read his messages or check fb when you are out. make it a rule.

re finances, tell him when you get replies re various finances he will be told what is his monthly contribution for the 3 DDs & a roof over their heads, (thus yours also ?) will be.

tell him if he doesn't want to pay for the holiday, he can cancel it & tell the children himself.

Hello mix

I'm inclined to just ignore him for now but I'm forming a reply to send tomorrow when he no doubts requests to see DD3 even though it's Mother's Day.

I'll start by reminding him that I've asked several times that he emails me so DD doesn't see any messages and then I can ignore them until I want to read them I don't need him to pay anything again this month as all the direct debits have now gone out of the joint account. I won't be removing my name from my own bank account and will be transferring direct debits to my sole account once my and the DC new finances are calculated.

I really, really want to add something about not asking after the DC but it's pointless

I don't need him to pay anything again this month…...I won't be removing my name from my own bank account and will be transferring direct debits to my sole account ....

I wouldn't be saying anything about the joint account, nor about any further deposits to the joint account this month one way or t'uther.

"As today is Mother's Day I would prefer DD3 to be with me to celebrate, just as you will want her to be with you on Father's Day. I'm sure you understand."

Oh, I'm just going to ignore him, I really can't be bothered tbh.

Thank you as always Across DD3 asked if she could call her dad and see if he wanted to meet up today instead. She called his mobile and left a message.

That was at 5 and he hasn't called her back fucking bastard we are having pizza a sweetie night instead.

Best plan, to ignore him.

Wanna bet a piece of that pizza he calls tomorrow morning in response to DD3's message? "Oh, sorry! I didn't see your message until just now, dear. Let's do today, ok? Daddy really misses you." Wanker.

Across, I would not take that bet. Its a dead cert.

Wanker indeed, whoops, you didn't see his message either !

Looks like he is sticking to his promise so far. He hasn't called DD3 back and I've luckily heard nothing from him.

How fucking childish is that, to ignore your own 7yr old? Totally his loss

I've had a lovely Mother's Day so far and can't stop myself thinking that I know it wouldn't be so nice and relaxed if he was here, that helps me stay strong. His lack of presence makes our home a happier one.

Happy mother's day. :)

It's sad for your DD, though. I hope she is ok.

Thank you she is fine, we are watching Edward Scissorhands and eating watermelon (her favourite) he has just called the house phone and sent a text asking for her to call him.

She hasn't mentioned him all day. I'm tempted to send AcrossThePonds Mother's Day text but 99.9% of me wants to ignore until she asks to call him again, not sure what to do?