I am supposed to be meeting a guy tonight for our second date. He hasn't even told me at what time we are meeting or where yet

[SoleBizzz]

Am I supposed to wait for him to message me or just make other plans?

This is weird.

Sounds like a nice date, I'm pleased it went well!

What does stropping mean, exactly?
You sent a message and he got it Fri morning instead of Thu night - so he deliberately didn't confirm the Fri night date on Thu because he was in a strop?

Watch that - big red flag.

You've already had an angsty uncomfortable uncertain day leading you to post on here... and all because he thought you hadn't replied the same night, when he himself was only texting every other day?

Hmmmmm...

No he didn't do it deliberately he said he just didn't think as he was preoccupied by his new job.

I'm more worried about inviting him to my house (when DS is overnight at respite) as his place is so lovely and my house is a dump.

Something to keep in mind Cabrihna. Who knows how this will pan out.

I'm glad to read that you had a nice time, but a couple of things here are bothering me a bit.

He cooked for you? Originally you were going out for dinner. When did he change his mind about that? What did you do for your first date?

Also, yes the 'stropping' is definitely something to keep an eye on.

can't a man cook for a woman without it being an issue! Sole has already said he doesn't have much money as he has been out of a job for a few weeks.

I wouldn't read anything into someone deciding to cook for you.

He wanted to cook as he is skint. Going out woukd be too expensive for him.

I don't understand if he stropped or not. You said he did, then said not deliberately.

Cooking in is lovely!
If you weren't already staying over it would be wrong to make it a staying in date without checking - but you were already staying.

Because he thought I hadn't replied to his text.

But what did he do? that's what I'm confused about - you said he stropped. A strop is always deliberate

What you did "wrong" to "cause" his strop might have been deliberate or not, but the stroppiness is deliberate.
Can't be doing with stroppy types.

Glad you had a good time Sole, if anyone deserves to have some fun and light relief, you do.

With that in mind, try and relax and go slowly taking this for what it is and don't be drawn into getting giddy too soon, or trying to second guess everything.

My phone and/or network can be a sod for long delay of messages and if someone's a bit twitchy or insecure that can cause stress. There's also nothing wrong in staying in when money's tight. So good luck, I hope you're on to something nice here.

That said, getting a cob on (having a strop) or miserly tendencies (like you mentioned earlier up thread) can be an early indicator not to over invest. Just bear it in mind and make sure you protect your feelings without smothering your feelings

I should've explained, my concern about miserly tendencies isn't only financial, it's that those types tend to have no generosity of spirit and that's crucial for me.

He sent me a text on Thursday night to say he had got his much wanted job. I sent a reply but his phone didn't receive it until Friday morning. He was stripping as he thought I hadn't replied

So where does this leave you for the future? Do you double check every text you send him to make sure it's been sent? Do you send an extra text to make sure he's received your earlier text, or do you give him a call to make he's got it so that he won't go into a 'strop'?

You've said he got the text he thought you hadn't sent in the morning, so why didn't he bother to tell you where and when you were going to me until sometime in the afternoon, and more particularly, when all he had to do was give you his address?

If I'm under the impression I'm going out to dinner with a guy, I would be somewhat miffed to find he changed the plan and had cooked for me without at least checking first that I was happy to spend the evening in as it may have made a difference to what I was planning to wear for the occasion.

He's not only inconsiderate but he also sounds like hard work and, as this is first guy you've dated for a considerable period of tiime, I suggest you take your eggs out of this one basket and date other guys for comparison otherwise I can see you settling for considerably less than you deserve.

Sad to say your desperation is obvious, OP, and as it's coming across through the ether of t'internet, I dread to think what vibes you're giving off in real life.

Fwiw, you're not under any obligation to invite him to yours just because the cheapskate he entertained you at his place.

He thought I hadn't replied and as my nan is ill though it was because I was busy about that. He then thought that Friday wasn't happening g as he hadn't heard from me until Friday morning g when he received the text I sent him on Thursday night. Then Friday morning he received the text I sent to him on Thursday night congratulating him on his job and sent me a text but no mention of the time we were meeting or address so I asked here what I should do.

I don't feel positive we will be a couple tbh.

I expect you're already planning what to feed him when he comes to yours next week and are no doubt wondering whether you can slap a few coats of emulsion around before he shows up.

I don't want to rain on your parade but I can see this settling into a once a week booty call for him event where you alternately stay at his and he stays at yours, and you don't get to have any of the fun of being squired around either town.

This is not what dating should be about and you should be taking steps to ensure that he doesn't take your home comforts you for granted.

OK, but what was the strop?

I imagine the 'strop' was that, having not received a fulsome text of congratulation from the OP when he thought he should have done, diddums decided that he didn't want to see her and that when her text came through the next morning he changed his mind, but still felt sufficiently aggrieved to deliberately avoid giving her the time and place by way of punishing her for something she hadn't done.

As it happens, I don't believe that he went to his prospective employers on Friday morning to complete paperwork and his text to this effect was his way of keeping her on edge until he was ready to send her the necessary information.

I suspect that he didn't intend to tell her until considerably later that day, but he then thought he may be facing the prospect of an evening alone if his withholding of the vital details had led her to make other plans, hence his text at c1pm.

That's my theory, Cabrinha, but, like yourself, I await clarification from the OP.

All this headwork for 2 dates?!

Precisely, Daenerys. Ludicrous, isn't it?

OP, you're not the only poster who does this, so please don't take it personally, but I find it disturbing how passive women are supposed to be at the beginning of a relationship (and maybe setting a precedent for the whole thing).

Look at it this way - you're a busy woman who needs to know who she's seeing and what she's doing in advance so that you can plan the rest of your fun and busy life. Texting him isn't desperate - it's a necessity if you want to live an organised, orderly existence with some control over the world around you. If having a relationship with him is dependant on you not wanting anything or asking for anything what does that tell you about his personality? And is that in keeping with what you look for in a man??

Blimey! All this headfuckery for a stroppy game playing miser! You sound desperate for a man OP, this guy doesn't seem right for you (or anyone). Why so much drama?

Always ready to put the boot in, aren't you pinky

Sole, I think you've had a bit of a grilling on this thread but I suspect this is because a lot of the posters on it know you well and are looking out for you. I hope you get the relationship that you deserve. Best wishes.

Lying Wtf are you on about? How the fuck am I putting the boot in? Have you read the other replies on here? Jeez!