I am supposed to be meeting a guy tonight for our second date. He hasn't even told me at what time we are meeting or where yet

[SoleBizzz]

Am I supposed to wait for him to message me or just make other plans?

This is weird.

No offence, but staying at someone's house who you have met only once, feel might be a bit of a selfish prick and who you definitely DO NOT want to shag....seems bonkers.

Just curiosity killed the cat. Bonkers is offensive.

Its unsafe and not a good idea, then?

I'm sorry if you find that offensive, but it is what I would tell a good friend.

Unsafe? No I don't feel he would hurt me physically. Who can guarantee that anyway? I feel he might hurt me emotionally that's why I'm not shagging him

If you don't want sex with him yet, you'd really be better not staying over at his place, surely? After a few drinks you'll probably think shagging him is a great idea, especially if you fancy him loads!

I dont get it. You've only met him once and feel he might hurt you emotionally. Why are you seeing him at all? Let alone staying at his house?

I dont mean that in a hostile way...genuinely interested.

There are nice guys out there. Seems a shame to waste time on a prick.

This will not end well. I predict that you tell him tonight you won't be played. He says all the right things that you want to hear, because he knows he has you staying over if he does. You've said he's sleeping on the sofa, because that's always a guarantee that you won't sleep with him, isn't it? It's the oldest line in the book. He will know already that you're going to shag him if he says the right things.

You will then sleep with him and won't hear from him again.

Here endeth my predictions.

I knew him and his family from when I was two years old to eighteen. Recently reconnected on Facebook. Because I watched Matthew Hussey. He said if he hasn't text he not that into you.

Who is Matthew Hussey?

You dont need anyone else to tell you that, anyway.

If someone doesn't treat you with respect or in the way you want to be treated, you can either a) tell them (but preferably not when you are in the weak position of relying on sleeping on their sofa) or b) sack them right off . Its your choice. You dont owe him anything.

If you didn't like the fact that he didn't text you with arrangements (which does seem quite off) - you can make the decision not to go.

If its pure curiosity, arrange a quick drink some time instead?

Texting aside, that's another issue.

Staying at somebody's house on a second date when you think he's selfish, inconsiderate and will hurt you is not a good idea.

Tonight, he will woo you. You'll have sex. You won't hear from him again, expect minimum contact to keep you interested, until he's needing to get his end away again.

But I thought he text this morning, although he didn't mention the plans for tonight, or am I confused?

I'm not sticking up for him btw, as I tend to see it playing out as Teapot just described.
As someone pointed out upthread, he said in one breath he didn't want to play games but the very next sentence out of his mouth was admitting to game playing.

I think when you have been single a long time some time your instincts can be a little off add in some much needed time out and low self esteem you can go hurling in to a fuck up.

Op this might be disastrous, it might not. I'd just stay sober so you can actually gauge if you want to see him again. He proberly will be expecting a shag, most men would if a date was staying over and he will probally play it cool untill the drinks were flowing.

If you think this guy is going to fuck with your head just stay sober so you can get the measure of him

Eh? Are you sure about this OP?

I'm on date 3 tomorrow and we have already established a time he's picking me up and where we are going. He did that when he asked me, which is normal?

Also if he hadn't I would be texting him saying wtf is happening tomorrow douche? Yesterday we exchanged 10 messages. About normal for our daily contact (went on our first date a week ago, saw him Weds, going out tomorrow) this is about the amount of communication I would expect to establish if someone likes me? Also establishing where you are sleeping on a second date is odd too. Surely you can go with the flow (again standard?!)??

You are both either overthinking this or you are both desperate for a shag? I'm confused

shame is right

Yrs shame he seems normal. This guy had better understand what normal arrangements are after tonight. Won't mention games etc just ask why he contacts me every other day and uses the excuse of busy.

He can't be that busy, you said he was unemployed and only just got a job today?

That said, for me daily contact at this stage would be too much. But it seems like it's the norm for most people after one or two dates.

Are you still planning to stay over? What time is the table booked for dinner? If you're going to his first, he's probably hoping for a shag when you get there and you won't end up going out!

Oh don't go in with 'why don't you message me every day'?

It will make you look like a bunny boiler!

It should be something that he does naturally

Just lay it out to him. If I was you I'd say something along the lines of:

'I am not happy with the lack of communication and the last minute date arrangements. It suggests your heart isn't in it, which is absolutely your call obviously, but if that's the case be upfront. I am an adult, I can handle honesty. What I don't appreciate is game playing or being messed around, I can't be arsed and if you do that I won't stick around pal.'

I'm pretty direct about my boundaries.

This guy had better understand what normal arrangements are after tonight Aren't early days of dating supposed to be about finding out if you are mutually compatible? If you think he's inconsiderate, if he wants less contact than you and if he doesn't meet your expectations for setting up the next date, then don't try to change him to fit what you want. Walk away.

You don't have to quantify how many messages he sends of course! That's not what I meant. I just mean, if you are not happy with what you perceive to be a lack of communication, say it.

I think it can be unrealistic to sleep over at somebody's house (if there's an attraction) and I think he might be planning to capitalise on that.

Don't sleep with him. As shameandregret and I were chatting on another thread, if you can't ring a man spontaneously and know with certainty that your call is welcome, then don't sleep with him!!!! and you were nervous to send a TEXT

OP, say "you go very quiet in between dates, which doesn't seem logical given how attentive you are when we're together''. or you could say ''we get on well when we're together but no communication between dates throws me/seems inconsistent to me''.

When I lived in Birmingham I did a course at Walsall tech. No probs driving there and back every day. Just saying.

Yep! I think he is also a miser