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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

what the hell do I say to that!!

159 replies

fireflys · 23/02/2016 16:35

My husband says (during an argument) that we aren't really married because we didn't consummate our marriage by having sex!! Therefore if he divorces me the judge will do it straight away without even talking to me or considering my side of things because he will tell the judge we didn't have sex that night!! Apparently we are not legally married??

OP posts:
pissingmyself · 23/02/2016 17:40

My fathers second marriage was annulled for non-consumation. Somehow she took him to the cleaners & got everything. In fairness he deserved it.

Canyouforgiveher · 23/02/2016 17:49

annulment would actually be a lot harder to prove in court than a simple divorce. I have acted for someone to get an annulment and it wasn't a straightforward application. And the marriage is voidable not void - doesn't mean it is automatically annulled.

I wouldn't be impressed with him (neither his attitude nor his grasp of the law)

Jux · 23/02/2016 18:09

Woah, get rid of him now. This is a once in a life time chance to see what sort of dh and father he'd make, and now you know!

Jux · 23/02/2016 18:10

I don't think annulment would work assuming he is the father of your baby. The marriage was merely consummated early.

DustyBustle · 23/02/2016 18:17

What an unbelievable twat.

RiceCrispieTreats · 23/02/2016 18:48

Apply for an annulment or divorce yourself, ASAP, as he is a nasty nasty man and you should not remain married to him.

314Romaniac · 23/02/2016 19:01

You have a baby, so I think that he would be laughed at.

He sounds an arse though.

ImperialBlether · 23/02/2016 19:02

Oh I would love to be in court when he has to explain himself to a judge.

314Romaniac · 23/02/2016 19:03

I don't understand what an anulment is. It's not a legal thing, so it doesn't mean anything does it. Just to make catholic people feel OK about being divorced? they'd still need to go through the legal process of a divorce wouldn't they? Because catholicism couldn't trump the law could it?

Really can't understand what it means (anulment)

Original poster
fireflys · 23/02/2016 19:05

Thank you for all your support. I have 3 children now, two with him and 1 from previous. I own my own house and it's in trust for my children, it's in their name so he won't be getting their home. Il agree I haven't had sex with him, I'm not having that said to me, my privates still bleed and I have to sit on ice still, it hurts and I cry to sit, walk, go to the loo or even sneeze, Iv had endless infections and once it turned sepsis and I was in hospital on IV. He's so bitter and selfish recently and nasty to me. I got mastitis 6 times and have to express breast milk rather than latch baby on and it really upsets me. When I told him I couldn't go back to work yet being sore and breast feeding he bashed me and said well you don't really breast feed do you. I threw him out and his his house key. He's been staying at his mates and fried and begged me every day to come home but he can sure as shit leave me to it. I can look after my own kids, I always did anyway he never helped me just slept and are me out of house and home, Iv had enough now, I tried to support him and get on with it but I don't want my children to grow up thinking that's how you treat another person. Maybe he wants out.. Go for it, all he had to do was say so and I would have helped him pack, I would even have driven him a million miles away in MY car that's in MY name. He doesn't own anything because he doesn't work, it's all mine so he can now enjoy being lonely and skint and shag whatever skirt he wants, I'm not being treated like that!! Really hurt my feelings and I'm not ok with that, my children saw me cry and it upset my eldest. Not a chance is that happening again. I bagged his stuff and left it on the drive way and text him to get on his friends push bike and bring string and maybe a towel as it rained quite heavily Hmm he's threatend to take me to court for access to the kids.. That's cool you have £3.65 to your name, hope you find a cheap solicitor.. I was quite offended he thought I would spite my kids and stop contact.. No sorry but that was never my intention, my children's emotional well being comes first that's why your gone and once you find a suitable home to live on that's clean and safe, once you can provide food and their own beds then by all means you may see them.. But he said I was a cunt and that he hated me and wished he fucked about when he had the opportunity.. He said he had girls chasing him but he said no out of respect for me?? Hmm respect ok, his loss not ours, we are happy and my children know I live for them and I will never ever walk out of that door.

OP posts:
314Romaniac · 23/02/2016 19:11

You poor thing. I'm so glad to read you own your own house. I would tell him to please, please divorce you. And in the mean time help him pack.

I bet he won't go though. He would rather hurt you emotionally and physically just to have sex.

You will be ok.

ImperialBlether · 23/02/2016 19:11

Oh that's a good joke, that he's had girls chasing him.

Get rid, OP. He's showing his true colours now and he's a really awful example to the children.

AliceInUnderpants · 23/02/2016 19:18

fireflys I'm so sorry you've had to find out what an absolute wanker he is.

We are here. Keep talking Flowers

Cabrinha · 23/02/2016 19:21

Thank god you've kicked him out.
Go and see a solicitor ASAP, as you have higher earnings / more assets.
If annulment means no asset sharing on divorce, then thank him for the tip Grin

Original poster
fireflys · 23/02/2016 19:26

I ahoeing a bit of a front to be honest but inside I'm still very hurt and upset Sad I feel sorry for my children that Iv picked an absolute disgrace to be their father!!!! But I will pick up the pieces and love them always.. Why is is so mean, he's said awful things to me just lately, he called me fat last week because I said I felt hungry still after tea. It really upset me xx

OP posts:
Original poster
fireflys · 23/02/2016 19:26

Thank you so much for being so kind xx

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 23/02/2016 19:39

Well done on kicking him out. He has no redeeming features. I hope you can begin to heal now x

Blue2014 · 23/02/2016 19:54

He's a knob, you sound brilliant. You'll be much better off without him, honestlyThanks

Flanks · 23/02/2016 19:58

Annulment and divorce are different things, he has them confused.

That being said, I doubt you would qualify for an annulment anyway as you wouldn't be able to claim no relationship prior to the wedding.

So divorce it is, and all the legalities which go with it. He is incorrect albeit he has a partial truth to run with to his stupidity.

(All based on my understanding of church law rather than UK law!)

firesidechat · 23/02/2016 20:00

314Romaniac of course annulment is a real thing and a legal process. In this case it has nothing to do with religion or being a Catholic. The couple I know weren't Catholic either. It is also different to divorce.

iyamehooru · 23/02/2016 20:11

I hope you can get it annulled please go and see a solicitor.

JennyOnAPlate · 23/02/2016 20:27

It sounds like you have nothing to lose and much to gain from removing him from your life.

Thanks for you op.

314Romaniac · 23/02/2016 20:28

Only catholics get annulled though right??

Never heard of a jewish person getting annulled so..... are you sure?
Confused

jillyarmeen16 · 23/02/2016 20:29

You are an amazing strong person. Well done you for realising you are worth so much more than that pathetic excuse for a man. Why doesn't he work? You don't need him by the sounds of it. Use the anger you're feeling to get him out x

RandomMess · 23/02/2016 20:33

I know of people who had their marriage annulled - big row after the wedding so never had sex again - Plenty of sex and a pregnancy beforehand.

I guess the thing of being annulled means that you are not "divorced" because in effect it's as if you never married.

Hope you get it sorted quickly Flowers