Sorry to hijack but i wondered if anyone will reassure me I am doing the right thing too in not contacting.
My circumstances are a bit different and there has been a death.
In a nutshell, my husband and I worked together in very senior roles at a company. We had a grim year where he was quite EA but refused to leave. I suspected an affair with a junior girl at the place where we both worked (I was five or six layers senior to her and was basically her bosses' bosses' boss etc). At the mention of this (denied) he changed totally overnight and became super attentive. I then discovered shortly after there had indeed been an affair and threw him out and changed the locks. He spent a week begging to come home and try again, saying she had been an ego boost and he was mortified and wanted to change etc. I was not convinced I had the truth by any stretch (he had claimed no sex) and was beyond livid with him. Refused to speak to him. Our boss stood by me and told H he would need to step down from his position and also told this girl to go (she couldn't be fired as had been the younger and 'more vulnerable' one but was sent home to work remotely and told not to return).
H killed himself after a week of living in a hotel and fretting about his job, life without a family and the future, as a result of the affair (he had told me he had felt like he had ruined his life by doing this and wanted to die, but I dismissed it as self pity).
Girl long gone now and whilst I had focused my rage on him before he died, I can't help but think she's obviously vile. She had known me (even if not at all well), I had been a company leader and on maternity leave when it started, and it carried on when I came back (she sat 20 yards from me). They had been flagrant in the pub I am told, when I always left on time to look after our children.
I am told her partner knows nothing about any of it and she simply went to a new job. It depresses and enrages me that she seemingly gets away 'scot free' with no change to her life. I have three young children with no father and I now have to go back to work with everyone knowing all (to be fair that's because I was livid when I first found out and did not keep it quiet) and as a widow. My boss told me she tried to hang on to her job and wouldn't resign for weeks even after he had died, so is clearly quite crass. I'd like to think she is also scarred by the experience and maybe even a bit sorry, but her behaviour after his death makes me think likely not.
I still don't know the truth about what happened with them (he admitted in a last ditch attempt to work things out that it had gone on a year and had been sexual and he wanted to confess all and start again with a clean slate) but for all I know he had also been trying to keep options open with her and she ditched him! Who knows. I couldn't trust him at all by the end.
I KNOW there is nothing to be gained from contacting her. He is dead and I don't want to grub the situation further or give her any satisfaction. And they had both lied in a bid to keep their jobs about the extent of it so I won't get any truth out of her anyway. And I am still in that very senior role so feel like I cannot be heard on the grapevine by any staff (some of the junior members of which are her friends) to be having any slanging match with her. And of course, he behaved revoltingly throughout and told her God knows what nonsense about me (he may even have said we were already split, leading separate lives etc, whilst in fact I was repeatedly asking him to leave and he wouldn't). But part of me would love to tell her boyfriend or turn up at her house to see her squirm like the low life she is. Or ask her what he told her and what happened with them in the final week. Or ask does she even care that a man is dead and three kids have to live with that forever. I am a bit tortured by hashing it over and over.
I am hoping in time I will stop wondering as he was a twat anyway and if I am honest, I had fallen out of love with him.
Sorry for the long post and hijack. I just need to know that my silence and focus on my kids and rebuilding my career is the right to do. Or am I a giant mug?
