Yes, Isabelle, in my experience at this stage it's completely normal to be in the state you are, in. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Forgive the pragmatism of this but I wonder if it's useful to look at a timeline for what often happens after an affair. What tends to happen is that the completely natural impulse is to keep everything together as the news is so huge and shocking that the mind goes into survival mode. Therefore anything that can preserve that status quo and prevent more damage is felt and believed, like the lies a cheater comes out with (we have an honesty bias towards people we love, it's essential!) and also projecting the blame, evil and anger onto the party who can most easily be rejected, the OW. Or even sometimes the betrayed, themselves, who immediately starts saying, I can see why they did it, etc etc. We've had a bad patch, I denied him sex etc etc.
All these feelings are totally right and valid, they're not wrong. I'm just saying that in a lot of cases, it takes a long, long time for the full truth to emerge and the scales to fall from eyes and the other sort of scales to be righted. In those years, many many cheaters still keep in touch with the OW, often even continuing an affair, or never fully commit back to the relationship, or cheat with others because the full truth and reasons and extent of the original betrayal were never brought to light, faced and resolved. The betrayed does the 'pick me' dance in the short term, believing herself to have 'won' (the language itself framing a cheating, lying man as a 'prize', which is continues exactly the view of himself that enabled his cheating in the first place). And then, months later, the betrayed collapsed from the complete lack of support, love and real resolution and understanding of what has happened.
The betrayed finds herself in a worse relationship than she was in before, but with someone she also does not trust. The cheater, having given up someone he loved on the side, looks at this collapsed, moping, suspicious betrayed who has stopped wearing the make up and making the effort she did for the first few months and thinks, 'was this what I stayed for?' He disconnects further, the relationship stutters along in mistrust and recrimination for another year. HE gets back in touch with OW or another, to salve his misery. She maybe has her own little fling. They grow further apart and begin to hate each other but now feel too old and broken to go through all this awfulness with someone else so stay and 'try' for one more year out of fear no one else will want them. Repeat til death.
Do not let this be you. This is the moment where you stop, demand to know the whole truth and nothing but the truth about what has gone on, get some distance from him and try and reframe him a bit as not the catch here that two women are fighting over, but a temporarily toxic causer of pain who needs to do everything to examine himself and make changes. I'm actually one of the few who is open to contacting the OW in the immediate aftermath as I think it bursts bubbles and often releases much truer information than the husband will admit to, which at least gets you to where you want to be quicker. But I appreciate that others feel differently with experience.