Well personally speaking, I would most definately say something to the bitch. I wouldn´t be able to resist! I wouldn´t go in, all guns blazing, out of control and kicking off. I would actually think about what I wanted to say to her, not just rant and call her all the names under the sun. Cos then you really are behaving in an undignified way and giving her the satisfaction of seeing you like that.
But what on earth is undignified about confronting the woman your OH had an affair with?
It´s how you do it that counts. You don´t have to behave like a screaming banshee you know? I don´t think the OW is necessarily waiting to twist the knife at all, I reckon she´ll be bricking it in anticipation that you will make contact at some point. And you would be fully entitled to get this off your chest.
People who say stuff like ¨Well I wouldn´t give her the satisfaction of confronting her¨ or ¨ If I say nothing then I will be the bigger person in all this¨ are often just trying to talk themselves out of it and rationalize not having the balls to actually confront the OW at all!
It´s a very personal choice though but if this feeling towards her is just gonna sit festering in your gut like a burning ball of resentment then surely it´s best ( and cathartic too ) to speak to her. But if you do it in a calm and measured way, getting across everything you wanna say without losing your rag, I think that would psych her out more than yelling all manner of abuse at her. Then you would have the satisfaction of getting rid of this anger in a controlled and rational manner plus you´d maintain the moral high ground.
MInd you, I wouldn´t stay with my husband if he had an affair, so that too is a very personal choice.