Step right up, it's dating thread 97

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't half get through these at speed!

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)

I think it stands for I Don't Want A Relationship. Not sure about SAHP tho? Have to say I've learned so much from these threads. You girls are such a great bunch and so deserve to find someone amazing. I've not entirely ruled out trying again in my marriage down the line, fucking about now might not help that but just need to know if I'm still alive!!

Hope it all goes well Ladylou and Handy tonight:)
I've realised that I'm currently chatting to both the tallest and shortest guys ever at the moment!

I used that expression chatting to Bear last night, saying that if I'm dating a man and he seems interested whilst simultaneously giving me the IDWAR speech then I'm going to be ruthless and cut him loose instantly. He understood my abbreviation, and replied with new strategy = new results! but later I was worried that if he'd google it and land on this thread. But it is a name !!!! I just googled it and I think it's a first name! So phew.

Two men messaged me. I have replied to them both. Kind of politely though. Holding back a bit. I think. Because I didn't pick them, iyswim. I'm not so grateful for any attention that I can drum up interest. But they both had good profiles so I replied. I wish I had a date tonight. Looking forward to going out with mr canceller. I reckon he knows if he cancels this, that's it. But another date in the mean time would be nice, to stop me caring about how the date with him goes.

LadyLou am excited for you! Fingers crossed!

SAHP 'self-absorbed hipster prick' - that's a definite 'type' to be wary of. I was married to one. They're all cool and interesting and appear outwardly empathetic but on the inside in there is zero emotional depth and in fact it's All About Them. They are not relationship material but can appear the opposite. Lesson learned the hard way for me.

LadyLou, are you Scottish? Noticed one of your dates was called Bonnyrigg?...

I missed your post yesterday waving I was typing my own three posts on I think, otherwise I would have leapt on this post with great interest! so now, two days later than everybody else, I'm noticing it.

"Matthew Hussey - the 4 components of the formula for attraction -

visual chemistry
perceived challenge
perceived value
connection. "

From a man's perspective, number 2 is where I'm falling down because if numbers 1, 3 & 4 are there for me, I think well, let's fling ourselves forward and hope this works out!

To be brutally honest Del's perceived value was lessened by his living in a house share. At 48. I think I felt sad for him, even though studying for a masters gave him back perceived ''value'' . So that was a minus and a plus. I know it's crappy but women apply a list like this too, right?

Ladylou, hope you enjoy your date tonight! hopefully there be an happy ending! lol.

Had date with Mr Short last night, I cooked dinner and we watched a film. Was lovely and feel on cloud nine at the moment. He left early this morning and has already rung me. Only been 5 weeks but theres been no game playing so far thank god.

Remember ladies, only takes one person to make the frustration of dating end...

Ladylou, enjoy your date tonight!

Handy, Sunday is a funny day for a date! I must be so old fashioned but I'd feel like I was being extra brazen going to meet a man off tinterweb on a Sunday

Thanks Rebecca2014, yes, I tell myself that when I'm job hunting! I only need ONE job.

I'm fussier with men though. Imagine if I picked a man for similar reasons! well, I can leave him at 17.00 on the dot, I get two days a week off, the training he gives me is good and will benefit me in the next relationship :-p ha ha, he doesn't ring me when I'm not with him, his expectations of me are really manageable, the reward/benefit isn't overwhelming, but it is certain, permanent and secure. That man sounds terrible! but I'm happy with that in a job [confused must find more exciting job

So, the Anne Boleyning did not go so well. I can't resist that man! Still, it was good fun, gave me a bit of a confidence boost and the chat is archived again...for now. Ahem. I have a few Tinder matches to distract me for now. Good lord, that man is HOT though...And the whole "I really want to meet you but we really shouldn't..." thing is exciting, though I am fully aware that it's all BS until it actually happens etc etc.

I'm with 314 on the perceived challenge thing, if everything else is right, then why play games? Although that's not worked out for me so far, so I could well be wrong...

Scarf Sounds like a lovely evening. I'm going to aim to do that once a week I think.

waving Sorry you are feeling down. It's to be expected so soon after Soho though, right?

Rebecca MrShort sounds lovely and you are right, you only need to find one.

Steady and Lady enjoy your dates!

Born why do the wrong ones get stuck in our heads?! Are you going to meet up with him?

I'm just back from my Tinder date. He didn't ask me a single question the whole date! Successful and attractive, but zero spark.

My recent ex (Mr WTF is he playing at) mesaaged me this morning, after nothing since Monday. Can't get my head around him- he clearly doesn't want me, but is keeping in contact... For what reason??

So, new Tinder iron.....let's call him Horse (on account of him having one, nothing else!), is very nice. Really solicitous and not making me feel like I'm doing any running, nice conversation, asks good questions, much "Hopefully talk later?" in between chats. LIKE. (DON'T BE MARRIED, PSYCHOTIC, SAHP, IDWAR). On the latter two, he has denounced hipsterism and stated that he's looking for someone special long-term. TOO GOOD TO BE ACTUAL? (Except for living miles away!)

I've laid it open for him to tell me his situation after he finishes work / I finish frantically cleaning flat before friends come round for a catch up.

Cos they are fun and exciting!
I'm really not sure about meeting. I'd be up for it if he was, mainly to see if there is any chemistry in real life but he's reluctant. He knows that I want a relationship and he really doesn't and he doesn't want to hurt me...that's his line anyway and I'm choosing to believe it!

Shame about your Tinder date. How can you go a whole date without asking the other person a question?

I guess if he has been upfront about not wanting a relationship, the ball is in your court as to whether you'd be happy with something less. I know I personally couldn't, because I know I'd fall too hard and get hurt!

Waving you are very good at setting 21 days of no contact- I nearest lasted these past 6 days!

We didn't break up (we were never really together I suppose, just lots of dates and messages that eventually took a nose dive after we slept together ). So the sex happened 3 weeks ago yesterday, not that I'm keeping track... he cancelled on me again this last Monday, so I didn't acknowledge his cancellation, nor did I message him again. He messaged out of the blue this morning simply saying Hey, are you okay?

Barely lasted, not nearest lasted...

No, I'm really not getting hurt. Which is a bit odd but good. Before we got back in contact I was a bit mopey over him.."the one that got away etc" but since being back in contact, I can see what he's just a bloke with a few issues and a very slick way with words We do get on well and I would really like there to be more but if he's not up for it, then it's not going to happen. And he's been very honest about not being up for it, so I can't really complain. I'm not sure what happens from here though, maybe just the odd bit of sexting when we are both pissed? I could probably deal with that!

Tanya He sounds bloody brilliant! Fingers crossed for you.

waving definitely leave it 21 days...more if you can. If it's going to happen, he'll get in touch and if he doesn't...well, you know where you stand.

It's a bugger about IDWAR and MrCyclist though, you could do with someone to take your mind off him.

Thanks waving. Sorry you're having a low day. I have an IDWAR. Several dates. Didn't dtd so he seems to have lost interest apart from the odd pissed up texts at mid night. Sort of a text booty call. I think not. I've come off Facebook and whatsapp, switch the phone off at night and it's liberating.