Step right up, it's dating thread 97

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

We don't half get through these at speed!

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now)

waving don't pine over him, you dodged a bullet. Don't settle for his crumbs. The real deal is out there for us all......somewhere....I hope!

Gone swimming, feeling a bit better, laying right off the booze, camomile tea all the way, and hopefully get bit more sleep than last night.

Oh and I forgot to say....I have an IRON!! Seems incredibly sweet, matched and texted me yesterday morning, then later on I heard discovered the news. He texted last night as he said he would but I said I wasn't in the mood for chatting and explained I'd lost 'an old friend'. He said if ever I needed to chat then he'd be more than happy to listen, anyway, I thanked him for that and we happened to continue chatting for a while about regular stuff, which was a nice distraction while knocking back the gin then he texted me this morning in a traffic jam on his way to work, again nice little chat, had to cut it short or I'd have been late for the school run!! We'll see how this goes.... MrTea not as 'pity the fooool, ain't getting on no plane' kind but as in herbal teas

Hi all. I've had a bit of a disastrous past 2 months since being on Tinder & have lurked but now need advice? Is that okay?

Blimey so much has happened. I feel sad I haven't come across Soho, I'd date him and give him a terrible time!

I'm feeling thoroughly fed up with it all now. After MrBH backed off, it now appears MrHappn is ignoring me now, after apparently being ill all last week. Had vague plans to meet up with MrCS tonight but my babysitter can't make it, and he can't either now, but to be honest most of our conversations are about sex, I know I should delete him but I just can't. I messaged Sparks to say we should just accept we were never going to meet up and he replied today 'dumped before we even met up boohoo', don't know whether to reply or not.

I've never had a single reply on Bumble.

Been exchanging a few messages with Bognor but it's all a bit halfhearted. I'm just a bit disillusioned with it all now, why is it so hard?

On a serious note. The way I see the Soho thing is he is one of those engaging, charming men who are articulate/good at banter and superficially seeming thoughtful and genuine. You can click with them really intensely and easily - but they actually have the maturity and emotional depth of a Ginster's pasty. Sorry waving that sounds brutal but it's something I've learned - or am in the process of learning, anyway, there's no telling I won't fall for one of these myself any time soon.

I almost got hooked in by one just before Xmas - remember MrLivesWithTheEx? He was one of those. The rapport was strong and instant. I was so shocked to be taken in by someone like that after being married to someone of that ilk for 14 miserable EA years (well 10 of them were miserable).

My therapist warned me about men like this (I don't have a mum so she's the next best thing!!) She said the ones I describe above are really only interested in themselves. And she's right. Cufflinks is quite possibly one. When we are interacting with people like that we have to mind ourselves 100% because they are not going to be minding anyone else but themselves.

I am deliberately looking for more of a slow burn. But online the ones who are slow burners are not instantly attractive like the Soho's of this world. So the decent looking guys are very often in the IDWAR camp.

Discuss....

Mr IDWAR it is! (they could all be called that for that matter).

It's funny cos it's true

Chin up waving there will be other, better guys that you click with. I'll only match with Soho on Tinder if increase my range. But maybe I should do that anyway. I'm in Reading so London is not a total impossibility for dating I suppose...

tanya curly haired surfer dude sounds amazing!

rebecca that's not right. On date 4 should you both still be trying to impress each other, it's too early for the jokey insults and they don't sound funny anyway. Hope your talk goes well. And you know that it's totally NOT YOU right? At best, he's got some dodgy social skills, at worst, he's a loser. Not your fault.

mon2k well done on ditching Tradesman. It sounds as though it's a struggle communicating with him and it really shouldn't be...

I'm feeling much better now. Had a nice post-school time with DS, caught up on some housework and plan an evening of complicated knitting and Xfiles to distract me. Phone on tonight though! I can deal.

Shame welcome, and fire away...

gast not surprised you're feeling 'meh' after all the dates you've been busily lining up - come and join the 'meh' thread!

I know what you mean waving I started this process in August. Finally at the end of December I met H, and by mid February again I had nothing to show for it. There's a realisation that this could go on for years. But, we are living and learning aren't we?

Good on you Folk

Yes, lol, at all the Mr IDWARs. We're going to have to put serial numbers after that. IDWAR000000001 The demand on London Telephone numbers isn't so great.

Serial Nos for all the IDWARS! Bwahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually sounds sensible!

shame of course! Sup?

Handy I totally agree. I met one of those last year. Instant, easy rapport. We got on so well. He said so many nice things about me...and then backed right off. Total charmer but ultimately only out for himself. And yeah, those kinds of guys are more likely to be good looking cos they know they have options. And charm is itself pretty attractive.

Slow burners are trickier..
I do need to feel a bit of a connection straight away or I get bored Mind you, Birdman was a total slow burner and I let that go as long as it was going to. He was quite attractive too.

Welcome shame! Ask away...

Thank you! Sorry to but in.

I've had a series of Mr IDWAR's too. I have had dates with 5 different tinder people and pretty much got into a fuck buddy situation with them all. Please don't judge me. I left a physically abusive marriage and have been dealing with my rapist being prosecuted so I kind of lost it over Christmas. Anyway I have cut back on drinking and got a grip this past couple of weeks, exited from the stupid fuck buddy situations and have met a lovely man. He is a fair bit younger (7 months) but he has opened my eyes to how much a wanker both then previous people and I have been. We are going out on date 3 on Sat. Have not slept with him yet. He was actually one of my first matches on Tinder but I faffed him about 2 months ago because I was involved with a FB but he was really gracious when I got back in touch.

So, I guess what I'm asking is: I want to get checked out STD wise before I sleep with him. I also want to wait. How can I tell him this without going through the whole sorry mess above? I don't want to take risks with his health but I also want him to respect me and not just see me as a shag. Which I already know he doesn't as he has been really unusual and gone home after our dates! Sorry if this is garbled. I'm trying to not drop feed but I'm a bit at what a hash I've made of dating so far. Thanks x

Also...I just feel like it's worth mentioning again that we are the prize. Not saying that any guy has to jump through hoops...but if he can't see how great we are and be willing to earn our time/attention...then they are not worth us! We're awesome. And frankly I don't have the inclination to waste time on anyone who can't decide, fairly quickly if they want a relationship or not. Know it now or bugger off...because I want one.

Got a message from someone today (although not my type unfortunately) stating right out of the gate that he likes my profile and thinks I have an awesome personality - he'd love to chat and set up a meet. No time wasting...putting it all out there straightaway.

tradesman never even bothered to get my name

Glad I didn't waste more than a few days on him!

7 years! Not 7 months!

Sorry for all the typos.

All of this meh-ness is making me wonder if I should have given Del a second chance. He was a nice guy. But... Oh I just don't know.

Sorry to hear you've been having a rough time shame, I think it's great you want to go slowly with this one. Don't feel pressured into giving him a reason for wanting to take it slow. I think it's totally fine to just let it be known that you want to take your time, the reasons aren't any of his business - and if he ends up pressuring you in anyway or badgering you for answers so that he can manipulate or change your mind then that's not a good sign anyway.

But I think someone will probably have some better advice about what you could actually say...but really don't think it requires anything fancy or elaborate at all!

Yes mom2k as well as learning the hard way personally, i think that reading others' experiences is giving me headsups from all angles.

He didn't ask your name! Oh that's funny. Tell him it's Klaire!

Yes me too - reading here has really helped my screening process I think.

Shame it's standard practice not to get the all clear for STI testing for 3 months so you can just tell him that's your standard too.

Although you and he can take precautions?

Sounds like you've been going through a really tough time, glad you have met a nice man.

314 you are making me laugh today!!!!!!

314 who was Del?

He was a guy I went on a date with on Saturday and it'd be hard to put my finger on why I know I just couldn't go out with him again. he was funny at times, good humoured, obviously decent, he was nice. He wasn't UNattractive exactly. I don't know. I just........... didn't feel it. And that's not because he was ''too nice and too boring''. I just didn't feel it. I do like nice men. Honestly. Maybe Del was too similar to ME.

shame don't beat yourself up about it. You've had a really tough time by the sounds of things You've done so well to get out of relationships that weren't working for you and met a nice bloke. So far from messing up dating, I think you're doing it pretty well!

I think Mom has it right. You just tell him that you want to wait and if he's decent bloke, he'll respect that. 3 months is not that long to wait for a new relationship. And really, if you've only had 2 dates then one or both of you might decide well before then that it's not working.

So, just take things slow and see what develops.

314 is definitely on top form today! But you didn't fancy Del...you can't force a spark where there is none...

Oh him, yes, he walked in with a backpack ya? I think some men you think 'not no' but 'not yes' about. IYKWIM? My Mr2015 was a 'no spark' initially but there was something very 'me' about him. He was lovely and the sex was incredible and we were together together 11 months. I don't consider that a failure. Go figure...

Arty just messaged me on his way back from London. Good chat potential this evening, wish I had wine!