Dh has done it again

[jampots]

Initially we were going to scotland for a couple of days between xmas and new year then that was too far so we looked at closer for an overnight which bizarrely morphed into a day at Warwick Castle - today! Couldnt book tickets online so went along admittedly just after midday, the car park was full so I thought we could park on the other side and walk through a different entrance. Dh bearing in mind is whining and yelling at me because the car park is full which is my fault entirely. Unsure of how many hours to park the car for (pay and display) he asked me - ive never actually been into the castle so have no idea how long which i told him. He didnt want to make the decision so huffed off and left me the keys to teh car! He decided to take the train home. So armed with no money to pay for entrance tickets we;ve had to drive home. Dont have a clue where he is now though,

batters I really doubt anything I said went in truly. However today we've sat in the dining room and I have told him in no uncertain terms how I feel, about my plans for looking for a house on my own once ours is sold, how his lack of respect towards me is detrimental to teh children and to me, how his slobbish behaviour makes me feel comtempt for him and how his controlling nature is a sure way to make me hate him more. He says he genuinely doesnt realise what he's doing is wrong . He maintains he didnt think about buying me an xmas pressie. He says he doesnt want to leave but he does find me exasperating although he admitted one of the reasons he doesnt want to leave is because its "easy"! FFS! He thinks our relationship is salvageable. I am suggesting a trial separation because as Ive explained to him, he might really enjoy being on his own!

Oh Jampots, I really feel for you.
Tbh I think that his lack of willingness to even contemplate that his behaviour is contributing to the breakdown of your relationship is precisely why it is doomed.
The Christmas present thing is just rotten.
When you were a little girl did you want to grow up and marry a man who is rude, aggressive, thoughtless and mean to you and your precious children? No. Life can offer you much more.

jampots have just seen this thread- he sounds so vile. Anyway i live just by warwick castle and by the sounds of it not far from you so if you ever want a cup of tea and a chat come a knockin

Perhaps he doesn't realise it's wrong because he's been doing it for so long, it just seems normal to him. You mentioned a display of this sort of behaviour just after you'd had a c-section.

Although I suspect he would not tolerate similar behaviour from you. Have you ever suspected something like Aspergers? Or is he just an arse through his own efforts?

Lots of positive vibes coming through for finding a lovely little home for you and your children when the house is sold.

Oh jampots - you are having a truely horrid time. I really feel for you and agree with a lot of advice on here.

You mentioned that he had changed recently (since working at land rover) and also you have mentioned his 'birth mother' that he has been in touch with for the last 4 years. Did these two things happen around the same time? Also it seems that family events and situations where he has to 'behave' as a member of the family are particular triggers for this behaviour - am I right because I am guessing? If so could he have issues surrounding seing himself as a member of a fmaily in light of his own background? Especially as he does not seem to take responsiblity for his terrible behaviuor as if it is out of his hands. If he does not want to go can you give him the ultimatum of seeking counselling?

Try here if this is an option.

also I am by no means excusing this awful behaviour towards you and your family. I throughly agree that you cannot go on like this and arranging a way out may be what is keeping you going. I just wanted to put what I had picked up.

I hope things get better for you soon.

oh freckle - yes i have consdiered that he possibly has aspergers or something but to be honest dont know too much about it so didnt want to say so and offend someone. In addition though he is being an arsehole anyway.

Dimpledthighs - He left LR at the end of August but he;s known his birthmum for 4 years. I have to say although she likes to have him around she also likes him to do the running, she gets very funny with him when he doesnt get to hers if he has mentioned he may visit (nothing in concrete though) but she doesnt come here.I think a lot of what youve said in your post is spot on - it does appear to be family triggers which is very interesting. We have seen a relate counsellor together but she tends now to see us on our own. I requested a single appointment because I was getting very frustrated at having to just listen for several hours to what dh thinks is wrong. He said he feels the fundamental problem in our relationship is just bickering. I had to butt in quite firmly and remind him that the bickering wasnt such a priority for me it was his lack of respect.

Anyway, ive left hte discussion for hte rest of the day now. I think I have genuinely shaken him with my honesty whilst still being civil and calm.

I cant thank you all enough for the support and help you continually give and just a place to spout off really

It all sounds very hard, jampots, & I really feel for you.
Hope things improve for you soon.x