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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriends touchy feely attitude scares me.

117 replies

r0gue · 14/02/2016 21:00

Hi

My boyfriend thinks it's ok to put his hand down my bra or between my legs when we're watching TV. He dry humps me from behind if I bend over to pick something up like its an invitation for him to press his bits into me! If I dare show a bit of flesh it's a huge come on to him. I get dried after my shower and put my clothes on in the kitchen to stay away from him. His stupid 1970's sexual innuendos get on my nerves too. He said to me today "I thought we'd be having sex as its Valentine's Day" I told him I'll do it when I want to not because a commercial holiday says I should. I spoke to my GP about it. She said to speak to him. It got though his gray matter for about 2 weeks and we're back to where we started again. If he sees me in a towel he sort of grabs me and pins me to the spot like an eagle that's caught a rabbit. He's not very good at sex either so it always feels like a chore. He's such a good bloke in other ways too. I was abused as a child and I wonder if that's what's causing my worry. It didn't bother me in previous relationships before. I've been seeing my current partner 18 months. Please help!! Thanks.

OP posts:
Marchate · 14/02/2016 21:04

He's being horrible. Imagine this going on for years, decades even, then decide whether he's boyfriend material. I think he's not!

fastingmum123 · 14/02/2016 21:06

Hi didn't want to read and run. I'm with someone similar and have to say it only gets worse. If he's not listening now he never will. I've been with dp 9years and now we have children he gets stroppy at the lack of sex, can't see how grabbing me or talking about sex infront of them is wrong. He has the view that women are always up for it hence why he gets stroppy with the reflections.

If you don't nip it in the bud now it will just wear you down. I'm not one to talk because I just put up with it but if someone doesn't respect your boundaries then that's really a warning sign.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 14/02/2016 21:06

Ew. You're not a piece of meat! You've told him you don't like it and he's still doing it - leave.

fastingmum123 · 14/02/2016 21:07

Rejections not reflections

5608Carrie · 14/02/2016 21:09

I think it's about respect he's not respecting either your wishes or your body. Lifes too short to settle. Find someone who loves you and respects you.

RiceCrispieTreats · 14/02/2016 21:09

It's disrespectful: you're being treated like an object.

Plus he's ignoring the fact that you told him you don't like it: pieces of meat aren't allowed an opinion, it seems.

Don't stay with a man who treats you like that.

CooPie10 · 14/02/2016 21:10

There is nothing that you described that sounds great about him. He sounds like a sleazy pig. Such a put off. You deserve to be respected but his 'type' will never understand this.

Finola1step · 14/02/2016 21:11

I think it is time to call it a day.

goddessofsmallthings · 14/02/2016 21:11

Eew... creee-py. Why settle for this Neathandal misogynistic throwback when you could have a man who doesn't need to be dragged kicking and screaming into the 21st century?

Babymamamama · 14/02/2016 21:14

He's a sex pest and not a very good one by the sounds of it. He needs some serious retraining both in etiquette and technique. You shouldnt be made to feel uncomfortable op.

freshprincess · 14/02/2016 21:15

If you've told him you don't like it and still does it then he never will stop.

If he treats you with so little respect and sex is a chore after just 18 months imagine another 5/10/15 years of it.

Original poster
r0gue · 14/02/2016 21:16

I'm going to see if I can get an appointment with his nurse with him. He has depression at the mo but I reminded him again tonight about the conversation we had about appropriate touching. He's quite naive relationship wise. He's only had two longish term girlfriends. I just want him to understand he needs to calm down. I was single for 5 years before I met him.

OP posts:
ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 14/02/2016 21:21

My ex did this. It was horrible. I couldn't bend over to put something in the dishwasher without him dry humping me. He would make 'jokes' about blowjobs if I opened my mouth to yawn. It showed his fundamental lack of respect for me.

Please leave. He's not a keeper. He won't change. Can you imagine putting up with this for the next 30 odd years? Add that to the fact that sex is already crap, then why would you stay?

Wolfiefan · 14/02/2016 21:22

Your OP says he scares you. He's not good at sex. You hate how he grabs you despite you telling him to stop.
Dump. Dump. Dump.

pictish · 14/02/2016 21:24

Bleurgh...my skin is crawling just reading your OP. He's a fucking sex pest!

OP really - I am sure you have made your feelings about this obvious, yet he continues. Soon enough you'll be unable to stand him touching you at all, if you haven't got to that stage already.

Get rid and let his pawing and dry humping be someone else's problem.

Original poster
r0gue · 14/02/2016 21:26

Thanks everyone. I'm going to try and train him again and speak to his doctor. He does so much for me usually and we have good times. I just dread coming home. Thankfully I only see him weekends. !!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 14/02/2016 21:28

You dread coming home? Seriously.
If a partner does something you bloody hate and you make it clear how you feel them they stop. Because they love you.
If he feels he can grab you when you don't want it then how long before he feels he can have sex when you don't want it.

pictish · 14/02/2016 21:29

Why would you want to train him? Seriously...why are you taking this on? You know there are men out there who don't treat their girlfriends like sex puppets, right? Loads of them. Why on earth would you stick with one who does?

OTheHugeManatee · 14/02/2016 21:32

LTB.

I'm sorry love but if you're tolerating having your space constantly invaded like this your boundaries are stil way out post-abuse Sad

freshprincess · 14/02/2016 21:32

You're going to take him to the doctor to cure him of being a sleazy twat? Seriously he won't change.

pictish · 14/02/2016 21:33

And don't say, "because I love him"...please. He knows you hate this but he keeps on doing it because he doesn't care if you like it or not. He wants to grope you so that's that.
He doesn't love you. He may love your vagina...but he's not bothered about you.

Getting dressed in the kitchen. Ridiculous.

Corygal1 · 14/02/2016 21:35

Ugh.

Nanny0gg · 14/02/2016 21:35

Surely this is sexual assault?

Why would you want to be with someone who treats you like that?

And fastingmum123 why are you exposing your children to that?

pictish · 14/02/2016 21:35

He doesn't paw and grope you because he's depressed, and the doctor can't do anything about him being a sleazy bastard...so how is the doctor going to help?

timelytess · 14/02/2016 21:39

Leave this horrible man, his behaviour is disgusting.