My boyfriends touchy feely attitude scares me.

[r0gue]

Hi

My boyfriend thinks it's ok to put his hand down my bra or between my legs when we're watching TV. He dry humps me from behind if I bend over to pick something up like its an invitation for him to press his bits into me! If I dare show a bit of flesh it's a huge come on to him. I get dried after my shower and put my clothes on in the kitchen to stay away from him. His stupid 1970's sexual innuendos get on my nerves too. He said to me today "I thought we'd be having sex as its Valentine's Day" I told him I'll do it when I want to not because a commercial holiday says I should. I spoke to my GP about it. She said to speak to him. It got though his gray matter for about 2 weeks and we're back to where we started again. If he sees me in a towel he sort of grabs me and pins me to the spot like an eagle that's caught a rabbit. He's not very good at sex either so it always feels like a chore. He's such a good bloke in other ways too. I was abused as a child and I wonder if that's what's causing my worry. It didn't bother me in previous relationships before. I've been seeing my current partner 18 months. Please help!! Thanks.

No one ever thanks a martyr and no, you won't get your reward in Heaven.
All you get is a life wasted on being miserable.

True. I'll sort it. Just seen my doc this morning because of how I'm feeling and how he's making me feel and she was great. I'm even jumping at shadows when he's not there. Not good.

Indeed

please dont take it to heart if you think people are being harsh. its hard to break up with anyone but you know deep down youve got to. A week after youve done it youll wonder what you ever saw in him and what took you so long to ditch him. good luck op.

Coming to this thread late! But 100% not OK behaviour. No means no, boundaries mean boundaries, and if he can't respect them and respect that it upsets you, then it is not something that will likely change.

I am unsure what you want the doctor to do about it too, I am even more perplexed why you went to see one on your own!

LTB.
I have just divorced my husband after 6 years of this shit. I can now pick up whatever I like without fear of him groping me or seeing it as an invitation. It was abuse and it wears you down - once he is gone you will feel so much better. Please don't put up with this, there is no excuse.

OP can I ask, does he do those things to anyone else? Does he dry-hump women in work? Would he put his hands on the woman sat next to him on the bus? Of course he wouldn't, because there would be consequences for that. Which just shows he can control himself, but with you he just chooses not to.

He sounds awful - you seem to feel like you need to mother him but he's a grown man. He doesn't need to be 'trained' to behave. It's not like this is his only issue. He made you cry about an apology ffs.

LTB

You can't fix him OP, you certainly can't train him, and you're not happy with who he is. Would being on your own really be worse? I can't see how.

I was single for 7-8 years after getting out of an abusive relationship, and though I was a bag of nerves for a while - he'd turned me into a paranoid wreck - by the end of that time I was so happy and content that it took a really good guy coming along for me to even consider rearranging my life to make room for him. Alone you get to have everything the way you want it. You can paint your whole house mint green, get whichever pets you like, watch Netflix for ten solid hours on a Sunday and eat three bags of Dorito's without anyone so much as raising an eyebrow... I miss it sometimes!

My husband has done this to me for years - to the point where I cannot bear him to come near me. I woke up I the weekend to fund that his fingers were inside me. I feel
Disgusted and violated but he just shrugged it off.

Daenerys2 that's just awful, what a vile specimen? I'd be tempted to stick a large pineapple up his arse when he is asleep, see how he likes it. On a more serious note, you do know that he is sexually assaulting you, and you really need to make plans to get away from him? I'm only kind of joking about the pineapple too.

I've only just found this thread, but please, OP, take a long hard think about what you want out of life.. You've had some great advice here.

Look after yourself. Get some counselling and learn to love yourself a bit more.

He sounds awful.

Daen, your husband is a sexual abuser.

Please find a way to get away fro him. You would be justified in going to the police about his sexual assault on you.

OP you deserve better than this. Don't waste your life being unhappy, it's not worth it

darn that is truly awful and not at all normal.

daen sorry.

Has he always been like this ?

Urgh. My exDP used to do similar. In the end I was on edge the whole time. Couldn't stand it. Don't let it go on for any longer - it's no way to live. And in all honesty, being alone really isn't that bad - it shows you who you are.

It gives you time to decide on your boundaries. Which, in my humble opinion, I think you may need to chat with a counsellor about - I know that when I was in the shitty relationship with mr "it's ok to grab Imiss's crotch in full view of her parents", my boundaries were shot to pieces due to some other crappy stuff that was going on at the time, and my defences were paper thin.

It's only thanks to this board that I've realised just what a poor situation I'd ended up in. It's just a shame I'd not discovered MN a few years sooner, so I'd have realised just how wrong the whole thing was before the damage occurred.