3 months away from wedding and I want to cancel it. WTF do I do

[JeannieSimmons]

Ive recently had two dreams in which my partner and I had broken up. Both times I've woken up disappointed to realize that they were just dreams.

I'm in turmoil. We have a wedding booked to take place in 3 months and I know I don't want to do it but I feel like I'm being railroaded into it bby everyone around me who is "so looking forward to it and ooo look at this outfit I've bought for your big day". DP constantly moans and whines about every little thing. He constantly criticizes, gives me the silent treatment over stupid things, argues and controls things. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the negativity. I'm tired of him engineering arguments (usually spoiling something I've been really looking forward to).

I don't know what to do. I feel it's too late to stop the wedding. I even thought to myself I could just go ahead with it and then divorce him in a couple of years - then I realise how ridiculous that is.

The other night I was sat on the sofa messaging my son (who was upstairs) as he was showing me some clothes he wanted over facebook. DP had a right face on about it and then started saying "oh, this is the kind of relationship you want is it? one where we just sit texting other people whilst watching TV together? ok ... ". I explained the situation and even though he knew it was DS he still moaned and whined and complained and then even made me show him the messages to make sure I hadn't agreed to buy him loads of expensive clothes. I can't go on like this but I don't feel like I have the balls to cancel the wedding. Anyone else cancelled at such short notice??

[Minime85]

Please don't marry him

[NanaNina]

Both from comments made on Jeannie's other thread that she started today on the same issue and from a comment on this thread, the OP starts threads and never returns and doesn't engage with posters, so I suspect we are all wasting our time.

[daisychain01]

There are a few threads like this at the moment. Why bother if they are even going to engage on their own thread. Its like inviting people over for the evening then buggering off down the pub.

[daisychain01]

Aren't

[CocktailQueen]

3 months is not last minute! You have plenty of time.

Just cancel it. Imagine how much better and happier you'll feel!

He won't change after the wedding. Do you want your life to be like this forever??

[CuttedUpPear]

Are you taking about the OP Daemon?

If so, shouting on the thread isn't going to achieve anything.
Make a report.

[MoominPie22]

Are we able to report it on this basis though Daemon?

IMO timewasters are just the same as trolls. No-one can even say if they´re not just making up some BS story, hitting ¨Post¨ and just sitting back with their feet up smirking at all the well-meaning people replying and being sucked in! It´s atrocious behaviour,as you say.

Esp if it´s a repeat offender! I think if it is then MN should be deleting the thread or banning them.

I didn´t realise, along with many it seems, that this person gets kicks out of coming on here repeatedly. Not engaging when people have taken the time to offer advice is one of my personal gripes actually.

So I agree, their trolls and should be treat is such. Fucking pathetic in my view!

[Joysmum]

Troll or time waster - even if they are, if there's anyone else in this situation they can read this and get some great advice.

[Nanasueathome]

The daughter of one of my friends had a massive wedding planned, think 7 bridesmaids, huge reception
She met someone when she was on her Hen night, 2 weeks before the wedding
The wedding was called off and that involved a lot of phone calls, money, upset but she went in to marry the other man
Can remember my friend having to work overtime almost every day to pay for everything as it still had to be paid for even though not going through with it
By calling your wedding off now at least you may be able to save some of the costs
Do it!!!!!!!!

[Startingout2015]

I had the same thoughts 3 months before my wedding.

I put it down to anxiety and went to the docs who prescribed me with beta blockers.

I went through with the wedding and struggled for three years before leaving him

Wish I hadn't have gone through with it

[TheFormidableMrsC]

Troll or time waster - even if they are, if there's anyone else in this situation they can read this and get some great advice

I agree with this. However, this poster posts repeatedly about her DP, his continual ongoing abuse of her DS, how awful he is, how controlling he is, how he treats everybody, yet has posted up again about whether she should marry him. Err...

[Stormtreader]

OP, you know what you have to do.
Starting a million new threads about how you want to end it is just you putting off doing it until youre actually married, isnt it?

[PoundingTheStreets]

End it now.

I know someone who was in your position. She mentioned it to her mum who rather unhelpfully told her she'd be letting everyone down and it was just last-minute nerves. She went through with it.

6 months after the marriage she left him anyway. His controlling behaviour ramped up considerably after he'd got a ring on her finger.

[momb]

The closer to the date you get the less money you will get back.
You don't want to marry him do you? Deep down you know the relationship is too flawed. If you don't want to be married to him cancel now.

OTOH, sometimes in the run up to a huge commitment we panic and find fault, and it may be that one or both of you are doing the same thing. Cancel the wedding but see how the relationship is once the pressure is lifted. I have an old friend who jilted her fiancé at the altar. Three years later they married and have been happy for over 20 years.

[NanaNina]

I thought it was strange that the OP started 2 threads on the same day, with the same content. It does seem like this is what she does from what others have said. I don't understand why anyone would do this - and so many people taking the trouble to post back to her. OP if you are reading this can you come back and answer the comments that have been made.

Has anyone reported this OP to MNHQ?

[shoeaddict83]

This is bizarre, why bother starting multiple threads for advice then not bother returning to discuss the advice given? Feels like a total waste of time trying to help this OP.

Has anyone reported or is it something that just happens on MN?

[DaemonPantalaemon]

Are you taking about the OP Daemon? If so, shouting on the thread isn't going to achieve anything. Make a report

I always report these threads but nothing gets done. So I thought I would call TROLL, then have someone report me, and then maybe Mumsnet can take a closer look.

[Lweji]

Maybe you should give some attention to those who need it and ignore those you think are not worthy?

[AyeAmarok]

Problem is that people who actually want and need advice go unanswered because people are spending so much time giving this poster advice.

[Lweji]

or complaining about it

[AyeAmarok]

Have found out from HQ (from a post I made on another GF thread, unrelated to this poster) that we are not allowed to mention previous OP threads and "potentially slur the conversation on a new thread", otherwise you get deleted.

So for those wondering upthread - no, we can't point out that this is part of a pattern by a poster to stop people getting sucked in. That counts as trollhunting.

[firesidechat]

That's fine, but I will now report every thread this poster starts and hope mn do the right thing.

[AyeAmarok]

PM'd you Fireside

[MoominPie22]

Aye well if that counts as trollhunting, then this poster sounds worthy of reporting as a Troll imo! Esp if she´s a repeat offender. I would actually be inclined to call Bullshit on any of the threads, as I reckon it´s all fabricated codswallop. Attention-seeking bollocks!

IMO, if a person genuinely posts a problem they´re needing advice on or for support, NOBODY would then post NOTHING after their OP would they? Not even to thank the people for responding....

So for that reason I think this person warrents being investigated by MN as a Troll, cos I just don´t think this shit is genuine. Period!..........