3 months away from wedding and I want to cancel it. WTF do I do

[JeannieSimmons]

Ive recently had two dreams in which my partner and I had broken up. Both times I've woken up disappointed to realize that they were just dreams.

I'm in turmoil. We have a wedding booked to take place in 3 months and I know I don't want to do it but I feel like I'm being railroaded into it bby everyone around me who is "so looking forward to it and ooo look at this outfit I've bought for your big day". DP constantly moans and whines about every little thing. He constantly criticizes, gives me the silent treatment over stupid things, argues and controls things. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of the negativity. I'm tired of him engineering arguments (usually spoiling something I've been really looking forward to).

I don't know what to do. I feel it's too late to stop the wedding. I even thought to myself I could just go ahead with it and then divorce him in a couple of years - then I realise how ridiculous that is.

The other night I was sat on the sofa messaging my son (who was upstairs) as he was showing me some clothes he wanted over facebook. DP had a right face on about it and then started saying "oh, this is the kind of relationship you want is it? one where we just sit texting other people whilst watching TV together? ok ... ". I explained the situation and even though he knew it was DS he still moaned and whined and complained and then even made me show him the messages to make sure I hadn't agreed to buy him loads of expensive clothes. I can't go on like this but I don't feel like I have the balls to cancel the wedding. Anyone else cancelled at such short notice??

[DakotaFanny]

Three months is NOT short notice...not for a lifetime.

[vixsyn]

Well, I haven't done this myself, but with anything it seems better to stop and be certain than commit and regret. Can you talk to him about it? Is he stressed out about the coming nuptuals and has that changed how he behaves? You probably wanted to get married for a reason - what was the reason and what made that go away?

[shovetheholly]

There are very few situations in life that are irreversible. This is certainly not one of them. Get out, and be happy. It's your right.

[catsinthecraddle]

It's not ideal, but I would much rather if my fiance was cancelling 3 months prior to the big day than the week before. The closest to the wedding date, the cruelest it sounds.

I really think you should cancel now, and plan your living arrangement. I don't know of your situation, if you are living together, renting, owning a property. You do need to decide what to do. It's not just about the wedding, is it? Breaking up can be tricky with kids, but you will be so much happier when a big weight has lifted from your shoulders.

[Cherry321]

If youre not ready to cancel, can you postphone? Like many others have said, you cant just get carried along with it all, listen to your gut, its your life and you deserve to be happy.

[Topseyt]

I have seen your other threads. This man is horrendous. Doesn't want you to buy t-shirts for your son, tries to dictate that you can't buy a fucking laundry basket, tries to insist that you must treat your 17/18 year old son like a small child and continue to make his packed lunches for him (hell, I don't even make them for my 13 year old DD anymore). He belittles you at every given opportunity.

Listen to your inner voice. It is shrieking very loudly at you.

DO NOT MARRY THIS ARSEHOLE.

[MoominPie22]

5 pages in and........where the heck is the OP??

So does she keep starting new threads, under different names, about the same thing??

Bizarre not to mention timewasting!.......Just saying.

[Italiangreyhound]

I don't feel like I have the balls to cancel the wedding - it's got nowt to do with balls!!

[firesidechat]

Yes she does Moomin.

[CarrotCakeMuffins]

Just Cancel!
Do not get married.
3 months is lots of notice.

My Aunt cancelled the week before her wedding many years ago.

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

OP won't be back. This is what she does over and over and has been as long as I've been on mumsnet. She is a real person I believe, with major issues, rather than a troll.

[RebeccaCloud9]

I have one friend who cancelled just before her wedding. She is now about to get married to someone she is much happier with, and they have 2 beautiful children. She has 0 regrets about cancelling, even though she felt a bit embarrassed and annoyed at losing money at the time.

I also know a few people who went through with weddings they were not happy with, one being my best friend and one, my sister. They were unsure of cancelling, and my friend's dad even told her she had to go through with it because he had paid for it. They all divorced, and found that much worse in the long run.

[MoominPie22]

Yes I was gonna say it does all sound a bit Trolltastic Obsidian. She must have a lot of
material issues then! Sounds like a classic case of Attention Seeking/Drama Queenitis tbh.

I make no apologies cos I find this type of behaviour bloody irritating.

[coconutpie]

Cancel. 3 months is loads of notice. Don't get married to someone you don't want to just because you think you'll inconvenience your guests. I'm sure they'd rather your happiness than getting married when you don't want to.

[peggyundercrackers]

Having read your other thread as well I think you need to kick this bloke into touch. Why would anyone want to live with such a miserable old coot. Life's too short to be in a miserable relationship.

[AyeAmarok]

Has OP disappeared? Again?

[Gobbolino6]

One of my best friends from university got married knowing it was a mistake because she couldn't face telling people.

Of course, they split very quickly and she regrets not acting earlier so much. It would have been far, far easier.

[Joysmum]

Do you honestly think that anyone who loves you would see you cancelling the wedding as anything other than a blessing and be supportive that you had the balls to get out of it.

Turn the situation around. Imagine you're the guest, would you feel pissed off or supportive and concerned?

[catweather]

You can cancel/postpone the wedding without necessarily having to end the relationship, then see how you feel without the looming deadline and all the associated pressures. Please please don't get married now if you know it's not right!

[magpie17]

Don't do it. I did and left after 18 months. It's much more upsetting/embarrassing/awkward to have a very short failed marriage, than a relationship that just didn't work out. I will always have been divorced whereas you will just have an ex boyfriend, it's much less damaging psychologically.

I know it's hard but you know what you need to do.

[flippinada]

I've not read all the posts on here and I'm not going to tell you off, but I absolutely agree with everyone who says you must cancel this wedding - please, please, please don't marry this awful man.

Yes, it will be awkward and difficult - there's no way around that - but what's worse? Some awkwardness and difficulty now, which you will get over in time or years of having your lives made a misery by this horrible bully?

Good luck.

PS - DON'T MARRY HIM!!

[ouryve]

It's never too late to cancel a wedding. 3 months is plenty. DH and I only got engaged 4 months before we got married!

Besides, a wedding is supposed about what YOU want to do with YOUR life. It is not about a party that everyone is so looking forward to. You clearly don't want to spend your life with a somewhat abusive arsehole.

[timelytess]

Definitely cancel.
Three months isn't even short notice.

[Joysmum]

I couldn't care less if it was cancelled on the day. If it were a choice between last minute cancellation or a loved one being hitched to the wrong person, last minute cancellation would win hands down, no question.

[loobywoof]

My sisters wedding was called off (not by her) about 4 months before. I was looking forward to it and had made extensive arrangements - even booked hotel and flights for 4 of us as the wedding was abroad. I was excited for her because it was what she wanted so I showed all the right levels of enthusiasm. However I knew it wasn't right, my family knew it wasn't right, everyone but her could see that the way he spoke to her wasn't right and her confidence had taken a nose dive.
I have NEVER been so happy in my entire life than that day I had to ring the holiday company and cancel all the arrangements and lost all my deposit. The relief I felt was worth every penny.
My sister is now happily married to a man who loves and respects her. The right man is out there for you and you know that it's not the man you are due to marry. You need to look after yourself and not worry about anything else. People WILL understand.