Just out of interest - did he propose or did you? And if he proposed, did it happen at a time when you'd been thinking of leaving or where he'd been really horrible previously or something - so that the proposal was a sort of 'look, i do love you, let's get married' deal - a way to exert more control over you rather than let you carry on and maybe get away?
I've just read your other thread too.
What would happen if you started to mirror your dp's behaviour back to him? Who was the one that made him the one in charge - surely if you get married it's because you want a partner rather than a new boss!?
What would you do if you were talking to your ds in a few years time and he was due to get married but was getting cold feet because his partner was being a controlling arsehole? Would you say to suck it up and get married or would you say to run like the wind? I'm guessing you'd say the latter.
And have you spoken to your ds about the wedding? And do you know what he really thinks about you getting married or is he saying what he thinks that you want to hear?
Why do you think that you need to suffer years of misery and an expensive divorce just because other people are buying nice outfits and want a day out that you've invited them to? People are saying nice things about your wedding to you because that's what people do. It's polite conversation. It's fun. But I bet if you told them that you were cancelling the wedding, your closest friends (assuming you have any left and your dp hasn't scared them all away) would all say thank god and be really pleased that you weren't throwing your life away on this man.
Even if you're going to lose money on wedding deposits then that's still a lot cheaper than years of misery and a divorce! Cancel now and you won't lose as much - and for all your guests, if they've just bought their outfits then there's a good chance they'll be able to return them whereas they won't in a couple of months time as they'll have had them for too long. (not that this should be a factor in your decision obviously - but just to show you that as you're worrying about this now, if you do say something now then it won't be having a big impact on your friends).
Do you have any assets that would become shared assets if you marry your dp - like do you own the house that he wants to get his hands on and would set you back if you were to divorce a couple of years down the line (eg you're both living in your house now, if you got married then divorced he'd take a chunk of equity out of it making it very difficult for you to buy the same sort of house again).
It's just not worth it.
OP, try a day of treating your dh like he treats you. Turn everything around on to him, ask to see his facebook posts or text messages, ask if the way the relationship is going to be is that he thinks he is better than you (because it is obvious that that is what he thinks from what he has said) and that he is going to be the one that is in charge rather than it being an equal partnership. Whine, moan, give the silent treatment to him over every little thing and so on... oh and call him out on every single time that he doesn't want to let your ds do something but then complains about doing it for him.
See what happens and whether or not he likes it. bet he doesn't. Then use it as a point for discussion to see why he acts like that and why he thinks it is appropriate for him to do that when he doesn't think it's right that you do it (because he won't - he'll call you childish and stupid and pathetic and all sorts of other put downs because when he does it it's obviously different because he is in charge in his own mind, you're there to pander to his wishes, not to make trouble for him...)
And then hopefully you'll realise that your 'd'p isn't worth it. he's not worth years of living miserably when what he wants is a quiet life with somebody to pick on, control, and to look after him and wait on him, so he doesn't have to bother with stuff he doesn't like doing like housework and cooking - because he wants all his time to be free time and is happy for you to be working instead of sharing the load.
next time he has an argument with you or says something mean or controlling or goes silent or however he reacts to show his displeasure next, try asking him if this is his game then you don't think you should be getting married to somebody who is such a tosspot to you treats you so badly. And I bet his reaction would be something to behold. Even if you just tell him you think the wedding should be put on hold and postponed as a starting step because that's easier to deal with than going straight in to say you want to finish it.
Good luck. Be strong. and break free - you deserve happiness - you're not obliged to become his slave!