Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 13 14

Original poster

Spying on whatsap

331 replies

Lucyloo2222 · 11/02/2016 15:36

Hi does anyone know if my activity can be looked at on whatsap ? My partner is very jealous and seems to know who I've been having conversations with on whatsap . When I get in he always asks have I heard from anyone today and if I miss anyone out he will say their name and ask are you sure you haven't heard from then . He's obsessed every time I use my phone asking 'who is that ? What are they saying ? ' . I was wandering how accessible this information is as he has no access to my phone as I constantly have to change my code . This isn't because I have ever done anything wrong it's just that in the past he has took my phone in the night while I've been asleep and helped himself to what he wants

OP posts:

Costacoffeeplease · 11/02/2016 22:51

This is scary - run to your friend and stay as far away from him as you can

LabradorMama · 11/02/2016 23:02

Please do stay away, he sounds terrifying.

AllChangeLife · 11/02/2016 23:04

I hope you are ok and haven't gone back...

AyeAmarok · 11/02/2016 23:12

Damned if you don't, you might as well do!

As they say.

SecretWitch · 11/02/2016 23:35

Lucyloo, I've been thinking about since reading your thread earlier today. I work with victim's of Domestic Violence at a large police department. I sat for a long time yesterday with a young woman currently experiencing stalking by her boyfriend. He tracks her every movement through the GPS on her phone (we believe) He may have placed a monitoring device on her car. He appears at her workplace, where she is a professional to interrogate her about who she has talked with through out the day, who she saw walking through the halls and if they spoke to her. She is fearful she will lose her job because of him.

This man also subjects her to some very personal humiliation. He investigates her knickers every night by sight and smell. He has gone further with much more invasive "checks". He tells her often that she will never be able to leave him.

She cannot understand how this happened to her. She is a bright, educated, young woman. She is considering moving many many miles away once an arrest has been made as she does not ever feel she can be safe in the same city.

I just want you know how quickly abuser's can escalate their behaviour. Your partner may never reach this extreme point. His constant monitoring of you, rings alarm bells. Please take care of yourself. You deserve to be treated with trust and respect in any relationship.

Marchate · 11/02/2016 23:47

OP, if you think we are all wrong & don't know anything about your problem, read SecretWitch's post & get educated!

She has seen it in a professional capacity. It's dangerous to your mental health if nothing else

MariaV0nTrapp · 12/02/2016 03:42

I downloaded whatsapp to my Ipad last night. It took about 30 seconds to connect it to my phone, as a pp has said, all you do is scan the qr code with your phone to sync the accounts. As long as the mobile is switched on you can receive messages to your Ipad. I have my 'last seen' switched off too I don't like to reply to people 24/7 and it doesn't show on the ipad/phone that you've used the other device unless you've read a new message like it would anyway.

0verNow · 12/02/2016 07:48

Can anyone recommend a good anti-spyware app for an iPhone? I suspect that STBXH might have downloaded something nasty like a keylogger or a location finder. Thank you.

JustDanceAddict · 12/02/2016 07:56

You can definitely put spyware on an iPhone & get the messages through the cloud. You wouldn't necessarily know it was on your phone. BIL has done it with his DD without her knowledge and all the whTsapps are visible.

0verNow · 12/02/2016 09:01

So my iPhone would have to be linked to one of STBXH's devices via the cloud? I don't have Family Sharing, but is it possible that STBXH could have linked my phone somehow anyway?

And is there any way of finding "hidden" apps on my phone?

fuzzywuzzy · 12/02/2016 09:31

you can get messages simultaneously to your computer and your phone from whatsapp if you have the whatsapp application on your computer. both receive messages simultaneously.

I would personally LTB (and wipe the computer on my way out)

SkiAngel · 12/02/2016 09:59

It sounds like he's got a gps tracker on your car, if he's been able to find you like that. I'd check my car for, if I was you. They can be very small as are often used for pets collars. This doesn't sound healthy at all. I hope you are safe!

Saymwa · 12/02/2016 10:02

Have you listened to The Archers recently Lucyloo ?

From your description of your DP, I get the impression he's like Rob. Time and again I hope she's going to turn round and give him what for. I mean, seriously, what's the worst the man can do ? Shout back ? Sulk ? So what - so be it ! And yes, support is needed. But that means opening up to other trusted people first.

lonevoice · 12/02/2016 10:02

Bet he spent the night hammering on her door whilst she told him to "go away" didn't he?

Everything he has done so far exactly follows the pattern of my ex. I know where this is going. Be prepared for the fact that you will really find it hard to cut him out of your life. It's, I imagine, a bit like the 'Stockholm effect', it feels weird when you are not constantly monitored. It took me years, it got really ugly.

Keep posting for support OP

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 12/02/2016 10:16

Do you have children with this man?

plainjanine · 12/02/2016 10:16

OP, I'm not one to jump straight to "tell the police", but I think it might be worth going to them, and telling them what you've told us. Especially if you find he's installed anything on your phone (which is a criminal offence - computer misuse act). I'd switch the phone off and use an old one from a friend, too, if you can, so that he can't remove the malware before the police see it.

He sounds unhinged to me, and I think you should be very wary.

If you're reading this, Stalker, ask yourself if your career could survive you having a criminal record, easpecially one relating to misuse of computers. As you work from home, I'm going to guess you're in a field where your employer would take a dim view of this sort of thing. Note, also, that even accepting a caution will give you a criminal record. :-)

OP, Good luck!

Original poster

Lucyloo2222 · 12/02/2016 12:22

Thanks I have taken myself right off wjatsapp now . He's been texting me all morning but I'm out with my son all day as he's finished school so he dare not cause any bother while I'm with him

OP posts:

Catphrase · 12/02/2016 12:38

Oh lovely, I was you a few years ago.
As I slept he'd go through my phone, my voice mails. Every part of my life was his to interrogate. If I went to tesco's to do a shop and I was longer than he thought I should be, I'd be accused of an affair.
It got easier just to stop talking to friends and family. Whenever is planned a night out, he'd be 'sick' or his 'anxiety' would stop me going. Eventually friends stopped trying and so did I, as it wasn't worth the grief and weeks of arguing.
The arguments would often start late at night, so I'd just give in to shut him up as I was exhausted.
He started driving me to work and picking me up, so he could control that. He repeatedly made me late, to the point I nearly lost my job. But wouldn't allow me to take myself.
He'd ring constantly at work. If I didn't answer my desk he'd get angry. Eventually he started to check what underware I was leaving the house in, to make sure it wasn't 'too nice'.

This is not a relationship. When I split up with him, he threatened suicide and left me in such a poor financial state me and my family are still suffering now.

I was heartened to see the law changed last year, this explains it. www.theguardian.com/society/2015/dec/29/domestic-abuse-law-controlling-coercive-behaviour
He's not only abusing you, it's breaking the law. What he's doing is there in black and white as an offence.

Vedamakesthebesttoast · 12/02/2016 12:46

Hi Lucy, you're having such a rough time, I'm so sorry that twunt of a man is making your life so hard just now. Have you considered phoning women's aid? I know that sounds like a massive thing but honestly you might really benefit from the support. They will have dealt with all sorts before and speaking to someone who will be able to help you recognise his behaviour for exactly what it is might help give you the resolve you will need to break things off with him.

Please take care of yourself and lean on as many people as you need to to help you get free. He's clipped your wings for too long already and you deserve to be free of him.

Vedamakesthebesttoast · 12/02/2016 12:49

Here's their number
0808 2000 247

mix56 · 12/02/2016 13:02

Lucy, you need to leave this man, or if he lives in your house, he has to go.
You can turn the phone off, & you can take a bus, but whilst you are living with him, he will still control you. It is not normal, & you are only just starting to realise the extent of it.
Your relationship is OVER, you need to get this dangerous abuser out of your & your son's life. he has already ostracised you from your friends & family. It is deliberate. It will get increasingly miserable & he will destroy your life.
he will probably come back with apologies, "its because I love you so much", & promises to change, it's a lie, it will be temporary.
Abusive partners do not change, they can promise to, but they don't

He is more than likely already reading this.

Fallandfly · 12/02/2016 15:30

'Third of women' in coercive relationships, suggests data from Women's Aid
www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/articles/35559055

Original poster

Lucyloo2222 · 12/02/2016 15:33

Yes he drops me off at work too says we can spend more time together in the car. I work nights he walks me into the building ( hospital ) if we get there a little earlier he will say lets get a coffee so he can come in . Then he will walk me up to where I work looking at who I say hi to on the way !

OP posts:

Original poster

Lucyloo2222 · 12/02/2016 15:35

Thanks I will think about calling them x

OP posts:

Original poster

Lucyloo2222 · 12/02/2016 15:40

He says its me who's has ostracised HIM from my friends and family . He says I keep him in a box away from everyone so I must be telling them what a bastard he is . Its just that I don't bother with friends anymore because it's not worth the interogation

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 ··· 13 14