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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Spying on whatsap

331 replies

Lucyloo2222 · 11/02/2016 15:36

Hi does anyone know if my activity can be looked at on whatsap ? My partner is very jealous and seems to know who I've been having conversations with on whatsap . When I get in he always asks have I heard from anyone today and if I miss anyone out he will say their name and ask are you sure you haven't heard from then . He's obsessed every time I use my phone asking 'who is that ? What are they saying ? ' . I was wandering how accessible this information is as he has no access to my phone as I constantly have to change my code . This isn't because I have ever done anything wrong it's just that in the past he has took my phone in the night while I've been asleep and helped himself to what he wants

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 11/02/2016 20:52

Babycham - threads, advice and opinions are unique to the context of the OP. There is no blanket statement to be made throughout. THIS op is in danger and, i fear, the situation is escalating fast in terms of physical threat level. She is being spied upon and her car all but driven off the road by a pursuing maniac.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2016 20:55

this is completely the wrong thread to do a "MN is always so biased against men" whinefest

Inappropriate

Barmaid101 · 11/02/2016 20:57

I believe if you do a system update on iPhone you can clear any spyware!
Get out! This is not a healthy relationship!

Original poster
Lucyloo2222 · 11/02/2016 20:59

I actually never kept my phone to myself as such I've had all my privacy violated and I don't know to what extent . This has made me shut friends and relatives out because I'm shit scared of them texting me anything about it . Now they are all concerned I think and guessing something is wrong

OP posts:
ladygoingGaga · 11/02/2016 21:08

This is worrying behaviour, I know many of you have all says LTB, but clearly it is just dawning on the OP this is not normal.
Coming on here and posting is the first step in realising that.

lucy I had a similar relationship, I installed an app called something like Gotcha, it took a picture with no sound or evidence it had everytime phone was picked up, okay so I had lots of me, but I got some cracking photos of twat face looking at my phone!

FantasticButtocks · 11/02/2016 21:12

There are 2 sides all right; we know the OP's because she's told us, and this man will certainly have his side too, he doesn't trust her, whatever whatever... But the point is THERE'S NO JUSTIFICATION FOR HIS BEHAVIOUR whatever his side is.

tipsytrifle · 11/02/2016 21:17

Lucyloo - get a new phone and sim, pay as you go type ... no apps, no nothing fancy and shut down the gps tracking on it. That might buy you some privacy while you work out what's next.

what ladygoingGaga said is very cool too ...

and also, there's absolutely no justification for his terrifying behaviour.

MissFlight · 11/02/2016 21:20

Op, your friends and family are right about guessing something is wrong, because something is seriuosly wrong.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 11/02/2016 21:25

I'd be careful of a burner phone, if he finds it, that would cause a whole heap of trouble.

Talk to someone OP. Your family are clearly concerned, and rightly so.

ladygoingGaga · 11/02/2016 21:31

Just checked, app is still available, only £1.25

Everytime I went in shower or left phone unattended twat face used to look at my phone, it was just one the things that gave me courage and strength to realise I was being controlled.

It takes a while, these twats are expert manipulators, but once you can see their behaviour for what it is, then it literally is a lightbulb moment.

lucy you sound like you know this is wrong, be careful though, knob heads like him can react in all manner of ways when their control is questioned

magoria · 11/02/2016 21:34

Your P is wrong on so many levels and you need to get out of this relationship fast.

tipsytrifle · 11/02/2016 21:38

good point, don'tcall. Been a long time since I lived in a psycho's shadow.

Original poster
Lucyloo2222 · 11/02/2016 21:39

So ... I'm coming home just not long ago .. I pulled up at the side of the rd to finish my post . He pulls in jumps out of car .. Comes over and says .. So this is where you do your texting then ? .. Shaking I went home deleted this en route . I told him I was downloading something which hadn't finished which was a spy detection AP as I need to know what he is up to . Can you all see how I just keep getting caught out so it actually does look like I'm up to no good texting up the rd ? I can't look at my phone at home without a 100 questions . He calmly said there is no spy AP now stop being silly . I am now out in my car as said I need to get out .

OP posts:
HavingAnOffDAy · 11/02/2016 21:40

Hi

I've only skim read the thread, just wanted to add that there is a what's app web app/site

Not sure how it works but presumably your 'D'P could have set that up with your details?

I think he'd have needed access to your phone to set it up, but having read that he's looked at your phone while you were asleep I presume it's possible that he could've set it up.

Good luck OP, it sounds like you need it Sad

Original poster
Lucyloo2222 · 11/02/2016 21:41

I've tried that AP re phone checking and it's a different set up on the face to an I phone so he would catch on

OP posts:
Marchate · 11/02/2016 21:41

Leaving controlling/spying partners is always the best option, I agree

What worries me is, since it's known to be the time when you are in most danger, leaving without a watertight plan could be more dangerous than staying

So tell your family, try to tell some friends (in person, not by text) and make sure you know how to get away safely, even if it's a long time before you do it for real

Original poster
Lucyloo2222 · 11/02/2016 21:42

I'm staying with a friend just decided

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucyloo2222 · 11/02/2016 21:43

Thank you xxxxxSmile

OP posts:
magoria · 11/02/2016 21:45

Please tell your friend everything.

Fallandfly · 11/02/2016 21:48

I totally get the looking guilty thing. I was too scared to check mine when he was around would cringe when I get a text and feel guilty for no reason. You've done nothing wrong. He's controlling and paranoid and that's not your fault.
Honestly, does it matter if he thinks you are up to something? People like him will never believe you, you could let him check your phone, agree to bring followed around and tracked but he'd still convince himself you were just hiding it better (I was apparently emailing as too clever to text or call). I 'rebelled' too and although I don't regret standing up for myself it did cause an escalation.
It won't get any better. You don't need proof he's checking your messages or following you to end it. He's got you on eggshells terrified to live a normal life.

AnyFucker · 11/02/2016 21:52

you don't keep getting "caught out", he keeps acting like a psycho fucking stalker

ladygoingGaga · 11/02/2016 22:07

Bloody hell fall hit the nail on the head, exactly same happened to me, unfortunately one controlling fuck wit is much the same as the next.

He has brainwashed you into thinking like you do, he is the one with the problem not you.

Several years on, I have only just realised what a normal, healthy relationship should feel like, it is wonderful, you will have the same one day OP

Rainbowlou1 · 11/02/2016 22:11

Please also tell your friend, once it's 'out there' it will be easier for you to keep talking and getting support.
And please-if it's safe-let us know how you are doing x

Footle · 11/02/2016 22:16

What a frightening story. And you're living it.

Barmaid101 · 11/02/2016 22:31

Please don't go back! Stay with your friend and tell your friend everything!