Nothing shows he cares like sending me out late in the dark

[Musicmay]

So when it comes to taking the dog out over the park before she settles for the night my husband thinks it's fine for him to stay at home and make me go over in the pitch black. Bear in mind I'm the only one who takes her on decent walks every day (not an issue I love it) so its not a case of me not doing my fair share of taking her out.
Also on holiday recently we go back to the hotel after dark in a foreign country and had forgotten to buy something for our child. So he was on the phone sorting something out and refused to go. Said nothing like "take your phone so I know you are ok", nothing.

I honestly have never been with anyone before that would not worry in the slightest and actively tells me to go out in the dark, whethere its 7am or 1am!.
I've spoken to him about it but he does genuinely not get it. I actually feel like if he really couldn't care less about my safety I want to leave him!
Am I being precious or is this really not on?!

?? I was replying to your post regarding statistical likelihood.
Not that I thought that it was relevant or valid tbh as I think the ops issues are coming more from a relationship expectations angle.

Bittom line is that if you feel going to the park puts you in a vulnerable position, then take some responsibility for yourself and don't do it. You're an adult. Make the choice.

And if he won't care for the dog generally and that's the issue, either accept it, challenge it ir get rid of the dog. And don't have children with him!

I bet he doesn't always walk on the street side of the pavement either.

You do know that men are infinitely more likely to be randomly attacked than women don't you, and more likely to be injured, maimed or killed during those attacks?

John you asked if the same rule would apply if the issue involved a child. The answer is no.

Even taking statistics out of John; Relationship wise John it seems that she wants her partner to take a risk, she herself is not happy about taking, when the risk itself is unnecessary

John the point is that those women are "wandering the streets" (or going to/returning from somewhere) of their own volition. It's their choice.

And op, my friends and don't ever text each other to check we've got home safely so yeah, you probably could stop that.

I give up.

It's not even my dog.

My issue with this, just o be clear, isn't "feminist garb". It is: if you don't feel safe walking in a dark secluded park in an area which, albeit nice, has had a history of sexual assaults and you feel vulnerable doing so, then don't do it.

Don't martyr yourself my continuing to do it and then complaining about it.

Haha John!

OP has your husband suggested you take up a martial art too? If I had a partner who was worried about their safety that's what I would suggest. To me your fear seems a bit irrational, so I'd not take it too seriously I'm afraid. I find it really irritating when guys insist on walking me places when it's a bit dark, but then I grew up in a city and I'm not worried about the dark in general so I'd walk home in the dark (and have) without feeling worried. Statistically I'm more likely to be attacked by the guy who wants to walk me home than a stranger in any case.

However i'd be pissed at a partner who wasnèt sharing chores, and ask him to take his turn. I'd also walk the dog down the street rather than going to a park. Parks are surely too dark to walk in at night anyway? When I lived in a city the parks were always locked up once it was dark in any case.

"Feminist garb"

The OPs husband should just walk the dog the lazy git.

This entire issue could be solved by just letting the dog do a supervised toilet trip in the garden before bed...

but should your DP be pulling his weight over taking the dog out? Yes.

Although you've admitted to enjoying the long dog walks so he probably sees that as your time, you enjoy it so why should he do it, after all he is watching the kid(s) whilst you walk the dog if I'm not mistaken?

ThisIsStillFolkGirl
"And don't have children with him!"

Its a bit late for that, one of them has to stay home to look after the child/ren whilst the other walks the dog.

Ah crap. So everyone suggesting they go out together...

I don't know, I still think this isan issue resolved by not taking the dog fir a walk in a dark secluded park.

You might want to split up with him because he's lazy and doesn't care about you.

What are you going to do about walking the dog then?

In the short term when it's your turn (presuming you work things out re the laziness) to take the dog at night, why don't you stick it in the car and drive it to a busier area?

I am a feminist, however, when it comes to physical strength he is a lot stronger than me. He is 6ft and a weight lifter, I'm tiny and not at all strong unfortunately. He is more likely to be able to defend himself better in an attack (depending on circumstances obviously)

My ex husband was attacked walking late at night through an alleyway and I always told him not to walk that way as people had been attacked there before. It was just concern when I tried to get him to stop and he was beat up and kicked in the head repeatedly so I had a reason to be concerned for his safety. I wasn't treating him like a child.

I find it quite sad that some people here think showing concern about your wife walking in the dark late at night means your husband is treating you like a child. I personally never want to be in a relationship where my husband shows no concern for my safety. All OP wants is for her husband to show her that he worries about her safety, she doesn't like walking in the dark, her husband doesn't mind it, so she is right, why the fuck wouldn't he do it? I can't imagine being worried about walking in the dark while my husband sat his arse on the couch instead of doing it for me when it doesn't bother him to walk in the dark at all.

Yes, she could let the dog out in the garden and it would solve the issue of her having to walk in the dark, but it doesn't solve the issue that she feels uncared about because her husband would happily let her do something that worries her and is risky, even though he isn't at all bothered about walking in the dark himself.

Your husband can take the dog out without feeling fearful - you can't.

It's about feeling safe - he does, you don't - and he doesn't care. He still won't take the fecking dog out, or pick up the whatever-it-was you needed for your dc that night. That is the issue.

^^

Well put and unlike me you didn't need to write an essay to get to the main point

Another vote here for putting the dog in the garden and taking turns supervising it. That seems to easily solve this issue. Or is the deeper issue that the dp doesn't really/didn't really want the dog in the first place so just isn't doing anything with it.

I don't think an attacker is going to stop and wait for me to make my decision whether to go with them or not to be honest, that's like saying g women have a choice in whether they get attacked which is absolutly ridiculous. The point is if there was an attacker on the secluded park I wouldn't stand a chance. ..decision making capabilities or not. This is pretty much going off the subject to be honest and I'm giving up now as the whole thread has been deliberately and pedanticly misunderstood.

The suggestions about letting her in the garden sound sensible enough but really it doesn't work. The dog is an ex racer. Where we are in the garden supervising or not she will tear around at full speed with grass being uprooted all over the place and we haven't got a chance in hell of catching her. She is however perfect on the lead. Also her urine stains the grass and leaves massive yellow patches everywhere. While I appreciate the suggestion the point of my thread was really asking whether I'm asking too much for my husband to actually show a bit of concern/take it upon himself to do the evening trip over the park when he knows ots a risk and I don't like it, and as stated in my op it doesn't just apply to the dog walking he also thinks it's absolutly fine for me to go off late at night I the dark in a foreign con try without one tiny bit of concern. Sorry but I don't think it's normal. And I would like to feel he does give a shit about that to be honest. I.don't think that makes me pathetic or a child, I think feeling cared about is a normal thing to have in a relationship whether you consider yourself super independent and equal or not.

That seems to easily solve this issue. Or is the deeper issue that the dp doesn't really/didn't really want the dog in the first place so just isn't doing anything with it.

The deeper issue has already been explained. From the OP

I do have a husband who is not at all fazed by going out in the dark, I however am, so why wouldn't he naturally want to go?

That is the issue. She is married to a man who happily lets her walk in the dark knowing it scares her instead of him going out in the dark when it doesn't faze him.

Letting the dog in the garden doesn't solve the issue that she feels uncared about. I would feel uncared about if my husband was willing to sit on his arse knowing I'm walking in the dark feeling scared. I wouldn't feel very cared about at all and it works both ways, I imagine my husband would feel uncared about if the roles were reversed.

I don't understand why people aren't getting this. My husband would want to do it because he wouldn't want me to feel scared when he could go himself and feel no fear at all. Isn't it just normal in a marriage to want to do things for the person you love to make things a bit easier for them?