Nothing shows he cares like sending me out late in the dark

[Musicmay]

So when it comes to taking the dog out over the park before she settles for the night my husband thinks it's fine for him to stay at home and make me go over in the pitch black. Bear in mind I'm the only one who takes her on decent walks every day (not an issue I love it) so its not a case of me not doing my fair share of taking her out.
Also on holiday recently we go back to the hotel after dark in a foreign country and had forgotten to buy something for our child. So he was on the phone sorting something out and refused to go. Said nothing like "take your phone so I know you are ok", nothing.

I honestly have never been with anyone before that would not worry in the slightest and actively tells me to go out in the dark, whethere its 7am or 1am!.
I've spoken to him about it but he does genuinely not get it. I actually feel like if he really couldn't care less about my safety I want to leave him!
Am I being precious or is this really not on?!

Tell him you know he is afraid of the dark so you will do all the night time dog walk/ errand run. He can do the morning stuff as it is daytime and he will feel safer.

Its easy enough to let the dog in the garden, you dont have to take it for a walk late at night.

How big is the dog?

mrsfuzzy if I'm shouting for equality for women then I need to be more than the equal of any man.

has he taken out a massive insurance policy on you?!

Personally, I think you're being precious.

You're a grown up. What do all of the single women who can't take care of their own wellbeing do?

I feel much more nervous sitting in a friends living room alone with a man that I am an acquaintance with, than I do walking down the street in the middle of the night on my own. That is because statistically, I am safer alone on the street than I am with that male that I sort of know, sitting in a warm living room.

If my husband tried to insist that he would walk the dog, or go to the shop at night, purely because I'm a woman and need taking care of, we'd have serious problems. I was capable of looking after myself before we met, and that hasn't changed just because we are in a relationship. However my husband is also the type to ask if I would rather he did those things because it's cold/I'm tired/it's just plain nice to share, because he isn't a twat. Which I suspect is actually the issue here. He should be offering, not to 'keep you safe', but just because it's nice.

sorry but that sounds abit amazonian to me ! flame away mners.

[bessie]

Every man I know will always make sure I get home safely at night, either by sharing a cab with me or walking with me through any darkly lit areas. I find it sweet, but entirely unnecessary. I'm an adult who is far less likely to be attacked than they are and I'm perfectly capable of getting myself home.

I think you are being a teeny bit precious here, but if it hurts your feelings then he should take notice. You need to have a conversation.

sorry, meant joysmum

You have a garden?

Let the bloody dog out in the garden last thing, then. If he digs holes when unsupervised, then supervise him. That would be far easier than talking him over to the park, which presumably you also have to supervise and poop patrol...?

I'm a big puzzled tbh. Why should a grown woman need mollycoddling like this?

I don't get this.

You're a woman. Not some delicate, precious little flower and I agree with response upthread about your DH being much more likely to be attacked then you (statistically).

I walk our dogs at night around the fields - sometimes with DH or sometimes on my own. If it's not deemed safe for you then it's not deemed safe for him either?

The issue for me would be that he is just too lazy to go but would be happy for me to do it.

Sorry but you're being really over the top here. He probably thinks you're not a pathetic woman and that you can take care of yourself. He probably also assumes you will take your phone.

If you're taking your dog for a long walk in the day, he probably wonders why you're deciding to take her out again and then nagging him to take her out later.

Some people are anxious (I am so I'll always say text me when you get home etc) and some people just aren't (I asked dmil to text when she got back to her hometown with dd and uncle of dd/son of dmil pulled a face of disdain and said why would we do that? It'll be fine. Dp is also a bit at my requests but dmil gets it)

I agree with towards I think your DP is being lazy.
Your DP is not expressing any concern at your uneasiness, because then he may have to walk the dog, as least some of the time. Which he can't be bothered to do.

I can't see the issue myself. I wouldn't have a dog because I don't want to do daily dog walks. However,I I had one, IidI'd be either a) a big girl and walk my dog or b) a big girl and say, "I'm not walking the dog in the dark. Either you do, or you clean up the mess."

But then, I don't do being the li'l lady very well.

If no one wants to walk the dig. Get rid of the dog.

Argh typos!

But yes, if it's not safe for you to walk there at night, it's not safe for him either.

Women who expect to be treated with kid gloves irritate as much as the men who insist on doing it!

I think the issue is that he's not doing his fair share, not that he's not showing enough concern for your safety.

Why don't you walk the dog together, or alternate going out in the dark? If you don't want to go alone, maybe you could bring a friend or ring your mum or something while you're out?

You can't have it both ways op. Either it's 1950 and you're a delicate woman who can't do independent and therefore manly tasks like go out at night alone, and therefore should do more than your share of household duties. Or it's the 21st century, and you're an equal who therefore can do 'manly' stuff like go out after dark.

As you do the vast majority of the walks, the very least your DH could do is take it out for 5 minutes every night, particularly as you don't like the pitch black (fair enough).
Failing that, and your safety being far more important than holes in your lawn, I honestly think you should sacrifice the lawn.

Women who expect to be treated with kid gloves irritate as much as the men who insist on doing it!

I agree. That said, I am allowed weaknesses because my DH isn't judged by me on his (spiders and enclosed spaces). So if I expressed a fear, I'd open a can of whoop-arse on him if he didn't give my fears as much consideration as I give his.

I don't get what the issue is?

I think the fact that a man is much more likely to be randomly assaulted by a woman is at the heart of this. For the meek woman to send out the big, strong man in the dark is desperately regressive. Yes any attacker is probably going to be male but that's hardly the OP's husband's fault.