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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Battling The Wicked Wine Witch, One Day At A Time!

1000 replies

Mouseface · 04/02/2016 23:38

Hello, I'm mouse, one of the Babes who have been on this lovely, rickety bus called Gerald for some time now! Grin

There's no judgy pants worn on this bus, nor hoking of bosoms!! It's filled with every day life, love and laundry. As simple as that. The rest falls in between.

We're a welcoming, supporting thread, filled with a mine of information from many years of experience, from those who have consumed alcohol day in, day out...hidden the 'habit', the lie, disguised our drinking with many an excuse. So perfected over the years or new to the guilt of drinking more than you think you should.....

Anyway, old or new, lurker or not, come and say hello to us if you feel the need. We'd love to meet you if we haven't already :)

Thank you for reading this, find a seat, hide green opal fruits if you find any, they're like gold dust around here! Aren't they ma!! Grin

See you soon, I hope.

Mouse x

And, if you'd like to see where we all began, sit with a cup of tea/coffee and have a peek at this - the beginning

And our latest thread that will take you back to many others enjoy your read!

OP posts:
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17
Chocolateislovely · 09/02/2016 09:40

Hello. Just posted on the alcohol support section and found this thread.

I'll just repeat what I said there. I think I have a problem with alcohol which will get worse if I don't do something about it.

I don't think I am a heavy drinker, I have maybe 2 bottles of wine over 3 or 4 nights at the weekend and a few odd glasses during the week. But I can see this creeping up if I am not careful.

I am an anxious person and currently stressed all the time with a teenage dd and all that comes with that. I am drinking because of the way it makes me feel. One glass and I am more relaxed and don't care so much.

I really look forward to the weekend when I can legitimately crack open a bottle. Its like I have permission to do so as its the "weekend". Sometimes if I have a glass during the week I hide it in a plastic cup so dh and dcs don't know I'm drinking. I don't know why. They wouldn't be bothered as I am not falling around drunk all the time but I feel ashamed so hide it. I feel like its wrong to drink weeknights but OK at the weekend.

I am getting into the habit of drinking just because it makes me feel better at the time. But it just makes me feel guilty and does nothing for my anxiety.

It feels kind of good admitting this as I am such a wimp in real life and pretend that everything is fine.

Gowgirl · 09/02/2016 09:45

Hi chocolate it's already crept on me, I'm up to 1-2 bottles a day most days and joined this thread this morning. Strangely I still function pretty well but enough is enough.

Chocolateislovely · 09/02/2016 10:00

Hi. I'm worried my drinking will creep up on me too. I don't even particularly like the taste of it, only how it makes me feel. I like that buzz I get after one drink but I don't like feeling drunk so I can stop after a few. But the worry is that because I drink to relax, I'm going to need more and more to feel relaxed so that's why I have to get it under control or even just stop altogether.

Gowgirl · 09/02/2016 10:03

I like the taste, I saw a comment on here about loving wine in the evening but hating it in the morning.
That pretty much summed me up, I've upset Dh last night again and feel like crap on the school run...
I have never had a cut off point so I think it's going to have to be giving up completely for me

SmallFox · 09/02/2016 10:54

Hello Gow and Chocolate - really nice to see you and welcome to the bus. Pull up a chair, settle down and some of the babes will be along soon. Whatever different places you and we are all coming from drink-wise, it is a massive help to share our experiences and find kindred spirits along the way.

Evil - really just popped back on to wish you luck for the day - I hope that it is not as bad as you fear. Hopefully at least, things rarely are as bad as you fear (except alcohol anyway).

madein1995 · 09/02/2016 13:49

Cracking on with my extended essay today and not craving a drink which is good news. I'm terrified I'll end up like my cousin though (he drank himself to death) because I've done well the last few days but I don't think that'll last long, I know before long I'll start craving again and don't think I have the strength to stop myself. Part of me says I'm fine and in control and worrying over nothing and the other part of me says I'm an addict, and I don't know what part of me to believe. I poured a glass of wine last night but threw it away after I had one sip which was good, but I was weak enough to pour the glass in the first place, I feel so angry at myself.

I was talking with my friends earlier and said how I don't think I'll be able to last without a drink for long (after a comment how I hadn't even lasted a week off one of them which made me feel like shite), and one of them said they'd be visiting me in hospital then, and I don't want to be that person. I'm doing well for now but I really can't imagine not drinking ever again, I want to be back in control again.

Sorry for the massive long indulgent post. It seems I'm more emotional and think more deeply when I'm not drinking.

Margie32 · 09/02/2016 15:05

Hi Ma and Sweet, I totally hear you on the drinking when you don't even want it, I drank on Saturday just because it was there, if I had actually asked myself whether I felt like a drink then the answer would have been no. Sweet, I also fell back into a booze trap after DJ but I'm AF again now and loving it, give it up again for Lent with me, six weeks off the booze and we'll feel and look like goddesses. What do you say?

Spanna, you're right, I can't do moderation at all, not even close. Great to hear your wise words, thanks hon.

Welcome Gow and Chocolate, lovely to have you on board. In my experience the problem only tends to get worse, never better, as in we end up drinking more and more, not less and less. I have a huge issue accepting that I'm not one of life's normal drinkers (throws hissy fit) but sadly it's the truth. There are so many lovely wise babes on here and so much good advice, you'll be glad you climbed on board.

Gowgirl · 09/02/2016 15:50

Crikey it's not just me! But he'll hour approaches baths/dinner/bed only booze in the house is vodka which I packed up 9 years ago so that's safe....

Elba84 · 09/02/2016 16:16

Woke up with a massive hangover this morning which feels slightly unfair as I stuck within my limits and have often drank far more than this and felt much better after!

It's a week since I first posted, the first time in my life I have ever admitted and been totally honest about my drinking. I've added up my total units since this time last week, which came to 68.5. I've managed to not go above 10.5 on any night which I'm pleased with. I think I'm going to aim to get this down as close to 60 as possible in the next couple of weeks. The idea of even one day off still scares the crap out of me though!

I think my energy levels are very slightly improved since I started and I feel less bloated. I'm hoping for some more physical rewards to help motivate me to keep going! I have also felt genuinely hungry the last couple of days and enjoyed eating a bit more than usual which is good. According to my app I'm having over 800 calories a day from alcohol and the idea of trying to eat back the equivalent is a bit overwhelming. I don't have an amazing relationship with food and am at the bottom of my healthy weight so need to be a bit careful, it would be tempting to just treat this as a diet. The idea that I could easily drop pounds is a bit of a motivating factor to me if I'm being honest, but that would probably mean just swapping one issue for another if that makes sense?

My mood is a bit all over the place, but I guess I've removed a massive crutch which I've used for years and also started to admit things I've kept in (very private person usually) so I'm just trying to go with it for now.

Hi gowgirl and chocolate and welcome. I've found it really interesting and helpful reading how similar a lot of my behaviours with alcohol are to other posters, and have felt very supported and safe on here. I'm trying to cut down gradually and gain a bit more control as I'm not ready to try and give up all together, and often drank 100 units each week so safer for me to reduce first. I've been using the drink tracker app which I would recommend as it's been helpful to me to log my intake and be accountable rather than burying my head in the sand.

Hi to everyone else, and thank you for all the lovely support you've all given me in the last week!

SweetLathyrus · 09/02/2016 17:13

Afternoon, welcome to the bus, Gow, Chocolate.

Made, don't project into the future, don't worry about never drinking again, or whether the cravings are going to ambush you. Stay in the moment, ODaaT, One day at a time, and deal with tomorrow when you get there.

Margie, here's the Goddess I feel like right now!! Grin. Right, Lent it is then (which will make anyone who knows me in RL hoot with laughter, heathen that I am).

Hello, Elba, that's a really good start = from 100 down to 60 units, do you have a particular strategy - starting later each day, drinking a 'lighter' option, only having a certain amount in the house?

Pop, how's your day been?

Well, meeting with boss and boss' boss was short, and ok (kind of), it was about some work 'issues', some stuff I hadn't done (and I had been drinking to forget), but the upshot is I should finally be getting the structured help and oversight I need.

And . . . Longer standing Babes will remember my garden obsession . . . I have lots of new seeds coming up - it's like a fresh start.

Going to be at work until at least 8 tonight - but for an enjoyable seminar, so catch up with you all later.

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Battling The Wicked Wine Witch, One Day At A Time!
Elba84 · 09/02/2016 17:32

lathyrus I've been going to the gym or running on the evenings I'm not working so I start later, when I'm working I'm often not home till 10pm anyway. Its the nights when I'm not doing anything the next day that I'm likely to struggle with so I'm thinking of trying to find things to schedule in the mornings so I'm less tempted. I'm just gradually going to try and change habits I guess, and cut out the odd drink at a time. Shift work means I don't have much routine so it's hard to plan.

evilpopstar · 09/02/2016 19:21

Thanks to spanna I hoiked up my big girl pants , tits out and shoulders back and today was ok. Thanks for asking sweet . Welcome gow and chocolate you've got in the right bus destination support for feeling crap about your drinking and lots of tips for getting it to a level you are happy with whether that is some booze or no booze. Day 3 here. I'm on controlled drinking - or trying to be. Giving up ( almost) for lent with a party and wedding as exceptions. Like all of us, scared I'll be bored and boring. But the benefits shine through - lovely black inky sleep , more patience , less grumpy , less calories , less risk of cancer stroke etc etc.

elba name check to you brave lady you are doing brilliantly. made keep on posting love your honesty.

Waves to everyone else.

madein1995 · 09/02/2016 21:39

Fucked up again. One of my friends spotted the empty wine bottles I'd hidden (not very well) amongst my washing. She seemed so disappointed and annoyed and I think everyones just expecting me to fail now, and I hate that everyone is so disappointed. We haven't had a chat about it either, just skirted around the topic and when me and her are alone it's so bloody awkward. I don't want to keep on disappointing people but I still want to go and buy vodka and lemonade and drink and drink. I know I need to be taking it each day at a time, but my friend finding the bottles and her reaction has kind of knocked me for six, I'm scared I'm turning into an alcoholic. I so want to drink right now (have a bottle of rose in the kitchen), am resisting right now but I so want to. But I feel I need to be in control and not give in.

evilpopstar · 09/02/2016 21:55

made are you ok? It's hard living in such close proximity to all your friends and to student life , so centred around alcohol. I'm sorry you feel judged. You are doing really well and feeling tempted is normal. Just see if you can distract yourself with Cake and Brew for half an hour and see if the feelings pass.

madein1995 · 09/02/2016 23:31

I'm ok, well Okish. The wine is the bin now. Just had a big chat with the friend who found the bottles, about how I'd lied to her etc, which I do feel guilty for, then the fact that I hadn't lasted very long and she keeps trying to get me to say I'm an addict and I don't want to, because I don't think I am. We've cleared the air a little bit, but again I feel like a liability to my friends

Elba84 · 10/02/2016 01:16

Screwed up a little bit today, but kind of knew I would before I did if that makes any sense? Sick of hiding this and sad that I will have a bag of empties to try and sneak out tomorrow (staying at a friends for a couple of days). Had a lovely glass of wine on the train to my friends this evening whilst watching call the midwife on my iPad which was so relaxing and felt like what most people I a imagine would experience from alcohol; a luxury not a compulsion. But then I carried on in secret when she had gone to bed.

Im only a couple of units over my limit but I'm sad and scared that I've basically had nearly an entire weeks recommended limit in the space of a few hours. I'm an idiot! 12.4 units today

Elba84 · 10/02/2016 01:17

made big hugs. I was going to try and post something for you but I'm not making sense to myself right now so will try tomorrow when I'm more sober xx

ClaretAndBlue30 · 10/02/2016 07:54

elba be kind to yourself, think how far you have come this week, it's a big achievement. Consider this a journey; there'll be highs and lows but ultimately you're facing your demons and trying to do something about it and that should be commended.

made I hope your counselling helps; I had it myself once and it is good to talk to someone impartial. I think your friends are trying to help but sometimes it's hard to hear it from those closest to you.

Welcome to gow and chocolate you are certainly in the right place.

pop I hope you are ok after yesterday.

I had a bit of a bump in the road last night. My dh was away so the bottle of wine in the fridge didn't survive the cravings. Drank 2 large glasses then poured the rest of the bottle down the sink. Don't feel great this morning and I'm thinking of doing lent (with a week off for a holiday early March). As per usual I didn't eat last night to give me the alcohol calories so that adds to the roughness this morning I expect.

Anyway keep plodding on ladies; you are all fantastic Flowers

evilpopstar · 10/02/2016 08:29

claret you did good pouring the wine away. Hard to control cravings when alone. elba you've made a great start. It's a long journey. Take baby steps. That way long term success lies. Courage, babes.

babyjane1 · 10/02/2016 11:48

Good morning you brave, wonderful ladeeez,

elba I find it so frustrating that all I can give you is words on a screen because I feel so much for you because I was you not so long ago.

I'm incredibly embarrassed and ashamed to admit that when I first started posting I was drinking up to 2 bottles a night every night and still thought I was not a binge drinker!!!! Shock horror. When I first started reading I thought proper binge drinking involved being out every weekend making big giant mistakes, dancing on tables, flirting inappropriately, falling over, fighting with my dh, embarrassing myself and others and waking with utter shame. So In my denial I was drinking up to 140 units a week of supposed controlled drinking (I'm pink with shame but as you've been so honest so should I). Of course I didn't go out any weekend as I'd rather sit in my overly worn seat on the couch drinking alone. I now know I wouldn't dare go out and show my bloated body straining out of my clothes, God forbid I might have to share wine, sip not gulp, and imagine wasting that glorious high with actual eating, these babes are fools!!!!!!

I also find it hard to write that for me there was much worse to come. I now know I was bipolar,a consequence of crippling PND. I was coasting on that level of alcohol, it brought me down when I was hyper and brought me up when I was darkly depressed, then came the crash.....,, I began drinking by day, by night, during the night, I once lost 2 weeks in a blackout, I know I managed to get to the shops but God knows how. My parents took care of my girls and at first believed I was just depressed then realised I was bloody paralytic the whole time. I've been uncouncious, my amazing dad had to break into my first floor flat to check I was still alive, I was filthy at times, covered in my own vomit and believed I had nothing left to give this world. I would eventually find my way back, go through horrendous withdrawal, unspeakable withdrawals, then we would all pretend it never happened and never would again and then 4-6 weeks it would happen all over again.

Eventually as my episodes got so close to possible death (Honestly looking back so close it makes me break out in s sweat and shudder at the memory) my dh took me to casualty a withered, pathetic version of myself. Every muscle in my body ached, I think my organs were screaming inside me to stop and that's when my recovery began.

I'm not telling you this to scare you because I now know I'm bipolar and that's what caused the dramatic swings in my behaviour and my coping abilities, I want you to know that there's no point you can't recover from, no shame in your alcohol intake, I could never have imagined a day without alcohol, hell an hour some days, I didn't dare to look forward and couldn't bear to look back!!! I was in no mans land.

So fast forward a year and 4 lapses later (last one in October) I am AF and loving it. Life isn't miraculously better but I am and that's the only bit of life I can actually control and that's hard to accept, still hard.

Anyhow I look like a different person, a bit bigger due to the bipolar meds but I go the gym, do yoga, go horse riding, read books but most importantly I am the Mum, daughter and wife these amazing people around me deserve, and I like myself, I'm really very nice and no amount of wine tastes as good as saying that.

This magical bus has given me love, hope and forgiveness and I think your and all the brave babes posting are amazing and courageous and searingly honest and that strength will translate to success, I just know it xxxxxx

SweetLathyrus · 10/02/2016 11:59

Baby, I have never wanted to hug someone I haven't met quite so much. You are amazing and inspirational.

I'm feeling very low this morning, but functioning - motivation follows action - as my CBT course reminds me. So I'm sorry I can't offer more help and encouragement, Made, Claret, Elba, just a bit emotionally wrung out.

Small, Pop, Spanna, Ma, Margie, Joey, Beaches, Faire, Venus, Mouse, Isinde, Hope, Work and all the other Babes, be good to yourselves.

ClaretAndBlue30 · 10/02/2016 14:51

baby thank you for sharing your story with us, as I am relatively new to this board it is interesting (and inspirational) to see how the other babes have ended up here. You really are incredible, well done on your journey, you sound so together and sorted. Again, thank you for sharing Flowers

My dd is napping so I'm about to join her, I don't feel good today. Wine is SO not worth it.

ClaretAndBlue30 · 10/02/2016 14:52

And sweet take care, hope you feel better soon CakeFlowers

madein1995 · 10/02/2016 16:46

Elba pop, hope you're ok. Elba, be kind to yourself, like claret says the fact that you're doing something about it speaks volumes. I hope you're doing ok too claret

I realised today that I haven't really been giving it my all, I've still been drinking in secret and planning on sneaking to the shops for wine, and it hit me that I've been trying to make others think I'm getting better, just going through the motions instead of really doing it. I'm going to give it a proper go now, and I'm going to do it for me, I'm not going to plan to buy any alcohol, I need to get back to normal and properly give it a go and not keep cheating. None of my friends have mentioned it today which is good cos I want to talk when I'm ready, I don't want them coming into my room for a quiet chat which leaves me feeling like a naughty schoolgirl and leads to raised voices and disappointment. I'm going to try wholeheartedly, 100% now, I need to be strict on myself and not give in to buying wine or whatever, and not to cheat either. So I'm going to be strong and determined and get back to my former self. My room is an absolute state and I can't believe I let it get so bad so that's the first thing to get sorted, I'm binning stuff and clearing the desks and hoovering today, putting clothes away and cleaning properly tomorrow.

babyjane1 · 10/02/2016 20:17

Hi again,

made you are a remarkable young woman, I'm sure at your age I didn't know my Arse from my elbow so your insight to yourself and others is quite frankly astonishing. "Addict" is a very big word for someone as young as you, I just worry that after having the courage to tell your friends you are retreating back into yourself when it's clear your friends are devoted to you and you them. It's also clear you are a very thoughtful and caring person and have chosen a rewarding but challenging career, your probably a long way from home so wine has become your trusty friend and you arc enemy all at once.

I know your friends are seeming to lay it on a bit thick but it's a testament of how much you mean to them and your initial posts showed an urgency and fear that made me shed a wee tear for you.

I think like all of us you try to normalise your drinking to enable you to continue but you sound very determined and strong about making the change and I know at your age my only major concern was how big I could get my hair ('twas the 80's) ! Your dealing with a very grown up issue so well.

Someone on here once said "there's only one way to eat a whale, one bite at a time" xxx

Big hugs for everyone, let's have a love in xxxxxx

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