The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Battling The Wicked Wine Witch, One Day At A Time!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse, one of the Babes who have been on this lovely, rickety bus called Gerald for some time now!

There's no judgy pants worn on this bus, nor hoking of bosoms!! It's filled with every day life, love and laundry. As simple as that. The rest falls in between.

We're a welcoming, supporting thread, filled with a mine of information from many years of experience, from those who have consumed alcohol day in, day out...hidden the 'habit', the lie, disguised our drinking with many an excuse. So perfected over the years or new to the guilt of drinking more than you think you should.....

Anyway, old or new, lurker or not, come and say hello to us if you feel the need. We'd love to meet you if we haven't already :)

Thank you for reading this, find a seat, hide green opal fruits if you find any, they're like gold dust around here! Aren't they ma!!

See you soon, I hope.

Mouse x

And, if you'd like to see where we all began, sit with a cup of tea/coffee and have a peek at this - the beginning

And our latest thread that will take you back to many others enjoy your read!

Elba you have NOT failed at tapering off the drugs - you've taken medical advice and tried something but somehow your body is telling you that it's not ready for that yet. That is NOT failure, it is biochemical feedback.

I imagine that you feel a huge weight of responsibility for being at work, for carrying on (even when it is detrimental to your own wellbeing). I guess you recognise the stress that other people are under and try to support them, while ignoring your own stress at times. But you know how rare and precious counselling opportunities are - you wouldn't have been referred if your doc didn't think it had the potential to help you. To help YOU. Please just think about what you need.

gorilla well done!
Right babes,help! Hospital has just phone with cancellation for urology clinic tomorrow. Flexible cytosgraphy. Am really scared. Has anyone had this? Have been on anti biotics solidly for about 3 months and need this fixed but don't want to go....wobble
My soldier brought in cupcakes today....I'm in love

Ma I have no idea what the procedure is, but you've been suffering for so long, grab the appointment before you have too much time to think about it.

Welcome back Fevvers long time no see, how have you been?

Elba you need to listen to the Venerable Venus - you need too prioritise you, or you will end up in complete collapse.

Made, well done on the dissertation, and on making it to the lecture; I don't know about your friends, I don't think you can speed up the progress, the only thing that will prove what they want is time; and ultimately, this is about you, not them. You need to want to to make the commitment to the smart, compassionate you. Forgo the instant gratification of the glass, and go for the slower rewards of getting back in touch with yourself.

I can't say I haven't fancied a glass of vino, myself this evening, I really, really have, but I'm playing it through to the end, and it's a waste of a week of sobriety. So, there's no wine in the house and I've put my PJs on, so no chance of going out.

Evening everybody
I'm so sorry you guys are having such a hard time of things. I've still not got used to everyone's name and story so forgive me!

Ma - I hope you've taken the appointment. It's definitely worth having the cancellation.

Poor Elba - you have such a lot on your plate. There is sound advice from the others here that I hope can help you.

Made - the progress with your dissertation is amazing. I guess with your friends that things need time.

Sweet - I find your posts comforting and reassuring, even when not directed at me!

Winter - welcome! I'm new too but finding the help and support here just great. It means such a lot that no one is judging.

I'm doing ok. I'm still on one beer and one glass of wine per night which I'm amazed I have stuck to. My DH drank more than me over the weekend! I was quietly monitoring what he was doing. I'm not sure if he's noticed I'm moderating - he hasn't said anything and neither have I. I have a work night out this weekend. If I was being sensible I would drive but I'm looking at public transport options or lifts at the moment which I'm sure I will regret.

Sorry to keep on posting to the group! After a 2 hour long and emotionally charged chat, we've decided that I'm on probation, if you like. I've fucked up really quite badly this time. One of my friends is ready to jack in our friendship, the other 2 are on the verge. I'm going to really work on my problems and be nicer in general (not behaving like the horrible person I have been). I'm really ashamed of my behaviour. We're going to give each other space until after the easter holidays, I'm going to prove in that time I'm willing to change, and if I do we're going to work on being friends again.

bicycle - your night out will be interesting. If your life mirrored mine, then you would do exactly as you are doing, sort out a lift, or public transport (or nothing and blow a fortune on a taxi).

I would start the evening with some weakly held intentions and vague hopes of a 'light' night out. But inside the little demon would be revved up and scanning for the first opportunity... "Oh a G&T before I leave the house? Well, better make it a big one". Then I'd get stuck in to the wine and all pretensions of alternating with non-alcoholic drinks, or stopping after two, or leaving early, or any other idea, went straight out of the window.

Much later, and many wines later, I'd find myself with the motley crew of late night drinking colleagues. We'd congratulate ourselves on our stamina, we'd spout stuff and nonsense about how this particular social mix meant we would interact with people that we didn't normally associate with - oh how this would form lasting bonds across departments, how we would end the silo approach to working..... blah, blah.

.... fuzzy section in the middle about where we went next, and how I got home ....

Next morning - regret, regret, regret. Pounding head. Sick stomach. Gaps in my memory. Shit

Return to work: massively downplay the whole thing (hoping that nobody will ask). Sidle past late night companions in the corridor with an embarrassed smile - neither of you can really remember what happen. Pray that the flashback about snogging someone was only a dream

bicycle only you can make your decision about what you do but if, while you're doing it, you recognise yourself in any of the above stages, please stop. You know what happens next.

made if change is what you want then you need some really good PLANs

And to make those plans work you need some excellent tactics. And to stick to them you need strong support.

We can help you. You need to plan for every time that you would have been likely to drink. How to avoid it, what to buy instead, alternative (alcohol free) places to party, or to shop, or to visit.

I don't think you can pull the wool over your friends eyes. I don't think you can drink 2 bottles and pretend you are entirely sober. You have to BE entirely sober.

Are you up for that? It might be one of the most important things you learn at university

venus, sweet, hope, claret and everyone else thank you for being so lovely. And sorry for being so negative, feel like I'm totally self pitying and pathetic at the moment, I'm not supporting anyone else at all.

venus I know your right. I already said no to next weeks appointment this morning so that's out, but I'm hoping I'm in the system now. I tried to make an appointment with my GP but there aren't any for as long ahead as the computer will let them book. Have to phone Thursday morning in case of cancellations, but to be honest I think I will just try and get an emergency appointment with any of them if she isn't available. I'm trying to make myself think of things in reverse; I wouldn't think a patient had failed in my situation, but I'm still feeling like I have failed.

I'm working tomorrow so moderate drinking tonight but slightly less moderate than I'd planned. Still calculated should be well under the limit at 6.30 when I have to drive. I think if I was off work now I would just totally self destruct, so have to keep well enough to keep going.

Hi venus, I think I'm starting to realise that I need to actually make the change, not just pretend like I am. Buying alcohol is soo tempting but you're right, I need to plan and stick to it. I need to plan what to do when someone annoys me too, because I've been blowing my lid too soon, taking things out on friends and being horrible over some pretty minor annoyances.

I can't pretend to change, I actually need to. I'm going to try and be calmer, not as snappy or stroppy and avoid drink. God doesn't that sound easy (she says sarcastically). Me and my mates are gonna give space by still going to lecture together, eating tea together etc but not being as close as friends if that makes sense? I think we all need a bit of space.

I'm fine when I haven't got it in, it's buying the drink that's the issue, and when shopping it's so tempting to get some 'just in case'.

I've sorted my group assignment out. Me and my friends aren't working together, but there's another girl in the class who doesn't have a group so we're going together. Then there's another girl, she's nice enough, not very good with group work as she's a single mum to a young baby so very hectic, but as it's only 24 hours I reckon she'll be ok (said her mum will babysit) and besides, I'd feel mean leaving her without a group at all. So I'm going to message her tomorrow and if she agrees then that's my group sorted. On the plus side, we have a new lecturer who is male (unusual on my course) and rather good looking. None of us could concentrate! Also on a funny note, we were discussing leadership styles and one person said they used to lead in the military and employs the same tactics now with her children! It wasn't serious but the image of 3 children lining up in their school uniform while _ makes sure no shoes have gone missing is quite funny.

Morning All.

Elba. Do not apologise for struggling, or feeling like you're not helping - everyone here is a different stages, and sometimes we can 'give out' sometimes we need to learn to take the support - I have a stupid pattern of disappearing when I don't think I can help, and not asking for support myself - I do it here, I do it in RL too - but actually, if you need more support now, you will be stronger and able to support others later.

Got to go find my charger, back in a minute.

Venus - you have described it perfectly because this is exactly what happens

Back.

Made, you really need actions now. I'm glad you got your group sorted, so make a plan - show your friends they can trust you by being the best group member you can be for your new group. DON'T do 'just in case' shopping, get some Becks Blue, or some really nice soft drink you've never tried before. If you can get a few AF days under your belt, you WILL be calmer and less snappy. What are you doing for the Easter Vac?

I hadn't quite finished, Elba, I meant to say, ask for help, accept help, the bus is a safe place to let it out.

Thank you Bicycle, you're doing amazingly at moderating, I'm full of admiration, because I simply can't do it, one glass means the whole bottle for me. You already know the night out is dangerous, and if you wake up with a hangover, the temptation to go back to your old levels will be greater. Plan to have a soft drink as your first - visualise (and practice) saying "I'll have a lime and soda please, make it a pint" that way, you will avoid the automatic "Large Pinot Grigio please" that makes the second one easier, and you will have slaked your thirst - which makes the booze less appealing.

I'm really pleased I didn't 'give in' last night. I had an early night, slept really well and I'm looking forward to a day of film watching (seminar prep), dog training, reading (research application prep) and garden shredder buying!

Have a good day everyone.

venus I can so identify with being one of the motley crew of late drinkers. Occasionally I would have to attend a conference and how I would pity the people who called it a day after a couple of drinks. I was one of the cool ones wasn't .I ..............sitting in the bar until it closed spouting rubbish but believing that I was bonding with colleagues often over sharing and bitterly regretting it the next day and trying to play things down.
I wish I could go back in time and just give myself a slap .
I truly believed that others admired my capacity to party and probably envied me because they were so boringly sober ALL THE TIME.
I couldn't see that by moderating or choosing not to drink that actually their lives were much more productive and therefore a lot more interesting than mine which involved nursing hangovers .
I just could not see it at the time

soberisthenewblack168 I've agonised over similar things (I'm sure all of us have, sadly) and it can be excruciating to go over. I remember confessing something extremely personal during a 'fun' night out, a family-related thing from the past, and wanted to chase after it as soon as it left my mouth and unsay it! I hated myself for being so bloody open, so tactless. I think that was towards the end of my heavy drinking, when I was despondent about it and how false the connections made through being drunk were. I just wasn't quite sure what to do about it then.

The urge to want to go back and change things, wondering how it wasn't clearer at the time, is very pervasive. But I do think it's important to forgive ourselves a little too, in case we end up torturing ourselves over and over with all the what-ifs and why-did-yous. The past is unchangeable. But we can be different, now and in the future. There's always today and the opportunities it brings. I still think about all the awful and embarrassing things I did while drunk quite often, but I try and include them as part of an assessment of how I want things to be now, and what I don't want to return to.

On that note, God, I need a coffee.

Thanks gorilla
Off to take hyperactive collie for a walk and to try and shake off the "what's ifs " and the " if onlys "
Collie has now been sighing heavily for an hour now waiting

Hacking at the mindforged manacles, sweet, but otherwise hunky dory. A few days stupidity to go on till the wine is done, and then I'm back to the herbal infusions. How are you?

Oooh, Fevvers, Blake, I was citing 'The Garden of Love' to my students just last week - they think I'm strange . I've had some tough times, but good at the moment.

George Herbert - he offers comfort to all the babes....religious or not. (I'm not)

Love bade me welcome. Yet my soul drew back
Guilty of dust and sin.
But quick-eyed Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning,
If I lacked any thing.

A guest, I answered, worthy to be here:
Love said, You shall be he.
I the unkind, ungrateful? Ah my dear,
I cannot look on thee.
Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,
Who made the eyes but I?

Truth Lord, but I have marred them: let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.
And know you not, says Love, who bore the blame?
My dear, then I will serve.
You must sit down, says Love, and taste my meat:
So I did sit and eat.

How're your sore bits ma?

made I just wanted to say that buying 'just in case' is a really, really daft idea and I mean that in the kindest way. Let's not pretend anything else, you will just drink it.

Now, think about it. Alcohol is sold in supermarkets and corner shops from morning til night. Some shops are even open 24 hours. It's sold in pubs, bars, restaurants and cafes. It's on sale in petrol stations and you can even win it in a raffle. It is widely available, massively stocked and not likely to run out any time soon.

You don't need it 'just in case'. Let that be the first habit you change x

Fair, you are right. I'm ridding the house of the "just in case" tonight. Also worried about Ma's sore bits...

Just lovely, Fevvers

Thank you for your concern. My bits are indeed sore. Feels like someone has been through my tubes with a brillo pad. On the plus side I got to see the inside of my bladder and all seems to be as it should. Still have a urine infection though so not sure where we go from here.....
Got to drink a minimum of 2 litres of water a day.
Might as well move into the loo

Sorry ma. Will live yoghurt help with your tubes?(eating it) If you've been on antibiotics, your guts might be too clean. I watch Tina Turner, and join in with her shimmying when it's too grim. Have you tried that?

ma

Oh no ma, bless you. Look after yourself, I prescribe telly and chocolate! If you want to watch US Netflix, download 'hola' and it'll let you choose what country you view things fab. There's some brilliant stuff on US Netflix Make sure to take things easy

sober I think walks help to clear my mind really well, hopefully it does the same for you. I'm sure said collie will keep you busy!

Things between me and my friends seem calmer today, definitely cooler but at least we're not shouting or arguing anymore. I really do think they're trying out tough love - they're just letting me get on with things instead of keeping on at me, which in one way is good but in the other means I know this really is down to me now. I think a few of my flatmates are getting concerned, one said I looked sad today and they've generally been a lot gentler around me, and I don't want people to notice that I'm having a tough time of it. Oh well, onwards and upwards I suppose! Am planning on missing lecture tomorrow to edit my work one last time before submitting it. I do feel a lot cheerier today. My friends were discussing on the group chat about going to the cinema soon, one asked if I was coming, I said yeah if that's ok with them, I haven't had a reply back but I'm taking that as a good sign as it's not a straight no. My plan for this evening is double check my referencing, edit once more before bed, shower and wash my hair and watch a bit of call the midwife, followed by either peaky blinders (mmm Cillian Murphy), blue bloods or NCIS