The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Battling The Wicked Wine Witch, One Day At A Time!

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse, one of the Babes who have been on this lovely, rickety bus called Gerald for some time now!

There's no judgy pants worn on this bus, nor hoking of bosoms!! It's filled with every day life, love and laundry. As simple as that. The rest falls in between.

We're a welcoming, supporting thread, filled with a mine of information from many years of experience, from those who have consumed alcohol day in, day out...hidden the 'habit', the lie, disguised our drinking with many an excuse. So perfected over the years or new to the guilt of drinking more than you think you should.....

Anyway, old or new, lurker or not, come and say hello to us if you feel the need. We'd love to meet you if we haven't already :)

Thank you for reading this, find a seat, hide green opal fruits if you find any, they're like gold dust around here! Aren't they ma!!

See you soon, I hope.

Mouse x

And, if you'd like to see where we all began, sit with a cup of tea/coffee and have a peek at this - the beginning

And our latest thread that will take you back to many others enjoy your read!

Baby, you are living the best bits of your life, if life outside the bubble is vomit and blackouts, you don't need it Sista . I'm not going to kick you up the arse, I'll pat you on the bum in the direction of the pool instead.

Made, get off the internet, you've only got the boring bits left to do . Lots of water and carbs, get a packet of chocolate hobnobs and promise yourself one for each tiny task ticked off.

sweet thank you my lovely, very wise words, for now I like my bubble, it's safe and warm here and there's no booze in it!!!! And I shall head to the pool first thing tomorrow, thanks Sista xxx

Baby am low carbing from tomorrow and committing to 30 mins exercise 5 days a week. Join me?

Made you sound like you are making great progress. Listen to the wise babes Sweet and Sober and you'll be done in no time!

On train home from an event at work, got to log on and answer various emails when I got home including a snotty one from power crazed cow trying to make a name for herself who sees anyone cracking on with things without her being in the loop as a threat. (she does not have any jurisdiction over what I do). Sigh. These people are everywhere . However, am not going to rise to it. She commutes around 150 miles a day so obviously has little outside of work to be that bothered. (adopts Zen like pose of calm and stares out of train window). Hope you're all having a good day xxx

baby I've gone right back to basics with my diet. Non processed food, 3 meals a day, eat what I like but watch the portion sizes. No snacking.

It's ok once you get into the swing of it, a bit like how I used to eat when I was a child.

We didn't have all the extras (crisps, biscuits and sweets), we just ate real food but we did have puddings. I'm not having puds now though because I'm no longer a child running around outside after school every day, riding my bike and climbing trees, so I wouldn't be able to burn off the stodge if I was having jam roly poly with custard

Fasting is popular at the moment. There are several different types, the 5:2 was fashionable but I think more people are doing the 16:8 now. Also, low carb seems to work for lots of people. There are plenty of ways to eat what you like and still lose weight.

made you said a couple of things that jumped out at me - 'Part of me feels euphoric and loves the feeling I get' and 'Where's that smart, determined, really alive person I was last year'.

You know, you can't have both. You can either have that lovely euphoric feeling or you can be that smart, determined woman. But you cannot be both because the first is the downfall of the second.

The first is fleeting, the second will make you much happier and fulfilled for a long, long time.

I know it's hard. It's like me wanting to eat the jam roly poly with custard. I can't. Not if I want to lose weight, I just can't and that's the end of it. Life is all about choices and whatever choice we make there is always a consequence, good or bad x

Not doing well here, drank this morning after work and didn't go to bed until lunch time and only just got up. So nearly managed to not drink and was so tired when I got in its just so stupid, I should of just gone to bed.

Woke up to find a text to say counselling appointment tomorrow morning which I've been waiting for since December is cancelled, and the one they've offered next week I can't do as working. Too late to phone now so can't do anything about it but now I stupidly can't stop crying. Just feeling really really down and lonely, and so desperately needed to talk to someone which is something I never usually manage to do.

Was going to moderate tonight but right now just think fuck it I can't cope with feeling like this. When I manage to get myself washed and dressed I'm off to the shop and I'm not sure if I will have much control, or if I want to have control tonight. I just want to numb myself.

Sorry for the self indulgent post and feel free to ignore, just needed to put it down.

Sorry to hear you're struggling elba, that is very frustrating about your appointment especially as you were ready to talk. Could you take time off for the appt next week?

If you can try to moderate tonight - I know it's hard but you'll feel so much better for it in the morning. Hugs

On the topic of weight and fitness etc baby it's so easy to fall behind...and then it's so hard to get back on track! Ive just recently starting exercising full on again after having my dd and I feel so good for it. You can do it you know you can! A few friends have done whole30 which sounds doable and has great results...might be worth a look!

hope I need to do the low carb and exercise thing. 4 weeks to go before the big black tie event and I need to shift some pounds quickly. i guess breakfast of apple cake, lunch of an avocado and handful of chocolate raisins, afternoon bowl of muesli and then dinner of baked potato and egg mayonnaise isn't going to help huh?

Thank you claret. Can't take time off, it's in the middle of a run of nights and won't be able to get cover. Rota pretty much set in stone but by luck I seem to have every other Tuesday off but now panicking that as I can't do next week I'll lose the place anyway and if they offer another day I just won't be able to do it. Already established that the place they initially suggested I go to is a non starter as has to be the same day/ time every single week which is completely impossible for me. At least with tomorrow's appointment by pure luck I could of done every other week which they said was ok.

I know I'm overreacting, but it just feels like the last straw. I'm so sick of trying to be ok but feel like I'm on a downward spiral and I'm getting a bit scared. I'm knackered, I worked over 60 hours last week, I know I should just eat and go to bed but I'm on total self destruct mode tonight. Feels like all my energy is taken by holding myself together for work then I just fall apart when I'm off. I know I should moderate tonight, but I also know I won't, and I know that will make me feel worse tomorrow so no one but me to blame really. Tomorrow is my day off and it will probably be wasted as a result. Keep randomly bursting into tears. I know I need to eat but I'm drinking instead.

So sorry to be so negative and self obsessed. Hope everyone's ok.

Morning All, Day eight for me today.

Elba, it's rubbish when you feel like you're fighting uphill through treacle to get better. As soon as you can this morning get on the phone and explain really clearly that your work schedule is not flexible, and why, and that this should not prevent you from getting treatment. I hope you managed to moderate and get some sleep.

Ma, can't you get your 'work experience' soldier to drill you?

Hope I don't know how you fit it all in!

Faire you're so right. Just that! No, about eating like we used to. I find that now I'm not drinking, my appetite is much more regulated on its own, I make better choices without thinking, so, give sobriety a couple of weeks to bed in and I'll start to deal with that extra stone I'm carrying.

Claret, having the bus is a wonderful source of strength.

Right, I have dog training to get on with - I'm determined to get him steady enough to do either gun dog or agility classes at Easter - it is tiring his little brain out much more than charging around a field being naughty, so we have a much calmer dog, but I'm missing my walks!! Once that is done, I have marking to do, but it is so much easier with a clear head. Have a good day, Babes, try and make it one when you don't drink.

Elba I think you should take time off sick and go for your appointment next week sweetheart. You sound as stressed as I was last year in my job from hell and all the babes - and even my doctor - advised me to sign off sick and deal with my health but I didn't. Thankfully I got redundancy and a new start, but am dealing now with the 16lb weight gain from comfort eating, and it certainly didn't help my drinking. Look after yourself, big hugs.

Ma and Baby ... May have to start low carb tomorrow as got to station late and wet (splashed by taxi) and ended up grabbing a coffee and croissant

Just had to move seats on my train as some bloke dressed like a builder was singing Beauty and the Beast to himself in a weird high pitched voice. Why ????? WTF????

Claret and Faire ... Well done on your fitness successes! Am sick of myself moaning that my good intentions are being squeezed out by workman but it is true at the moment. Will look up the Whole 30. Though on my form would end up some fraction of 30 (like me and Jillian Michaels err, 3 day shred! )

Sweet good luck with the dog training, and Made hope your dissertation is coming along (stern schoolmarmish look)

Rainy and grim here up North and long day ahead. Just pulled into the Station near where my grandparents lived, and where dad used to pick me up when I came home from University, and where mum and I used to get the train to go shopping in Liverpool. Always feel a pang of nostalgia when I go through here. I miss them all. Shout out to Margie here, and any other babes who have lost family xxx

Have a good day all xxx

Oh dear, auto correct thought my good intentions were being squeezed out by workmen rather than work!

If only that were true. Sadly I am not Ma with her entourage!

hope that last post made me cry!!! Proper big blobby tears!!! PMT eh!!

My Gran died 15 years ago, she was a huge influence in my life, I adored her and miss her every day.

My Dad was 70 on Sunday, his friends are dropping like flies and this terrified me. My mum who Is literally my absolute Hero is now struggling with her hip and needs a hip replacement in the next few months. Im an only child and we are ridiculously close, I can't imagine a time they won't be here but it's gonna happen sooner or later..., hope your nostalgic memories made you smile, not cry xxx

I'm feeling very very tired today and got PMT pulsing through my entire body. Just want a cheeky wee duvet day but dd2 is poorly and hates sleeping in any form and calpol makes her hyper!!!!!

"Sometimes it's hard to be a woman duh de duh duh"

Love to everyone xxx

looking I am on day 26 of the 30 day shred, it's a bloody slog!! But loosing inches slowly but surely. Mummy tummy still there though, damn it!!

Dissertation is coming along really well I've finished the actual writing of it, now it's just the editing and referencing. Aww, hope and baby hope you're ok. Hope everyone else is ok too.

I think I've massively messed up with my friends. We were chatting on fb last night (group message) and one of my mates was being a bit short with me, seemed annoyed. I'd drank the other two bottles of wine ( at myself) and wasn't in the best mood. So we argued, I said some things I regret, now all 3 of them aren't talking me. I apologised for being a twat on the group message and tried to chat normally, but they're completely blanking me even when I ask them a question like what room we're in for lecture today. Looking back on the messages, I can kind of understand why. I haven't got any drink left and really think I need to get my act together again, that lovely feeling isn't worth losing friends over. I want to explain last night to them but I don't want to tell them I drank cos they'll be so disappointed in me, and I don't want to worry them. I'm just worried I've lost my friends, there's only so many times I can say sorry and have them accept it. On top of that, I'm a bit worried they already knew I was drinking - I went out in the kitchen last night and had a chat with one of them and I know I wasn't sober. I'm fed up of waking with regrets, but that feeling is so nice too, I don't know what to do, I think maybe I am addicted to alcohol.

Can I join the thread?

I have been lurking on this thread for a while. I guess I'm concerned on my alcohol intake and when I drink.

I guess I tend to drink a lot when I'm stressed. It helps to relieve the pressure (in my mind it does but we all know it's not the case). I've spent the last 4 nights drinking quite a lot and finding it quite... concerning if I am honest.
I managed to stop myself last night after a bottle and half of wine and made myself drink lots of water. I feel better for it today knowing that I don't have a dreaded wine headache.
I am trying to reduce the amount of alcohol I drink basically. I am finding it hard though.
Today I have told myself I am not to touch a drop. I live near a supermarket so it is hard to not think 'oh I'll go grab a couple bottles'.. I can't move away either haha.
Anyway, nice to meet you all on this bus. I hope it can provide me with a place to rant/discuss/talk as I find it's a very taboo subject!

Welcome winter be back later xx

I haven't posted in a good few weeks, but I'm still here, trying not to drink. Today is day 59, almost two months. It simultaneously feels like no time at all and the longest time ever . I've been feeling worn to the bone- after doing some reading I think I need to be more proactive. I might not have had any alcohol but I'm faltering on doing all of the things that would help me maintain it long term, you know? Just been in a holding pattern instead. And I have a friend who's really leaning on me lately and I feel bad because I want to scream at her to leave me alone while I deal with my own shit.

Argh this is all rather negative. It is getting better, but the struggle is ongoing, eh?

Hope you're all well, and being kind to yourselves.

Hi winter and welcome. I hope you're doing ok . This is definitely a place to rant/chat/moan and get sympathy but also a good pat in the right direction when you need it (says the prolific procrastinator). There's no judgement on here. Honestly, this is the only place where I can 'tell' people what I'm really feeling, and it helps to have someone who's been there, done it and got the tee shirt, to listen. It's great to know that people understand how you're feeling. I hope you're ok, and keep checking in. I have a lecture in a bit but other, wiser babes will be here soon and I'll check in after lecture.

Thank you for your warm welcome.

Today I am going to do 30 minutes of gentle exercise. I love to work out but it's been on the back burner for a few days due to alcohol.
I am also planning on eating better. When I'm drunk I love complete crap.

That's a good plan winter, exercise is a good way to distract yourself. I'm planning on going to this gym this evening to blow off some steam as well.

I dreaded going to lecture because of what's gone on with my friends, but it's the break now and it's ok. I'm not sat by them - I arrived late so on a different table and one keeps giving me dirty looks but I'm not sat near them so doesn't matter, I'm sure things will die down eventually anyway. The main thing for me now is to stay away from the bottle, especially when I'm stressed

Oofty, back in the sidecar, if that's the place where you are glugging but determined to stop. Cooked perfect quiche but had to chomp it down while one of the other eaters pontificated about how not all refugees are nice people, therefore Calais teargassing was ok. I hope he was taking the piss.

I have been lurking before this outburst, so made, head down pet. You'll get there in the end x Winter, you sound lovely...hope you managed a bit of gentle exercise, invisiblegorilla well done on 59 days, even if it feels a bit crap. You give me hope. Thankyou.

Out of lecture, which went okish, but I was very unladylike afterwards and was sick in the uni loos! The hangover I suppose. Am planning to go to the gym at around 5/6ish tonight to take my mind off things and get me some alone time. My friends are giving me space (I'm glad for that because I don't want to argue right now, I don't want to tell my friends about my drinking, I just want to be by myself for a bit) but this room is doing my head in now, I need to do something/go somewhere. Debating between the gym or going for a walk.

Well safe to say moderation well and truly out the window last night, four pints and half a bottle of wine, plus what I drank in the morning after work. Did at least stop at that and didn't raid the spirits so I guess that's something, but have been dreading working out units (I'm guessing around 30 though for the day). I wasn't even trying to stop really. Not felt too hungover today thankfully, but anxiety through the roof and a bit shaky. Work tomorrow so no choice but to moderate tonight.

Still not much further on with counselling people, waiting for the therapist to phone on Friday but as I'm working (which I did explain) I'm probably not going to be able to take the call. I really don't want to go off sick, it will cause so much disruption and I need to work as without I will have no structure at all. I'm in a profession that is so stretched and demoralised at the moment, and I fear it's going to get worse.

Toying with making a GP appointment as had been trying to taper off some meds and clearly not coping like I should but that just feels like I will of failed at that too. Also scared in case she suggests bloods (appetite shit but I'm sure that's all tied to mood and drinking), and they show something that would give things away. Stupid logic I know, but I really really don't want anything alcohol related in my records.

Just had a chat with one of my friends and it went down like a lead balloon. I went for the walk and she rang me concerned, I told her I needed to clear my head and she guessed that I'd been drinking. When I got back she came in my room, and didn't have a go but she did lay the truth out. She said my behaviour isn't acceptable (I know it's not) and that they're not going to paddy me or be responsible for my drinking, I told her that I don't want them to be. Then came the kicker. She said they can't constantly be worrying over me (fair enough), they can't sit by and watch me fall off the wagon, so it's either stop drinking or lose them as friends. I think that's a pretty big kick up the arse for me, I don't want to lose my friends over drink. Is this what tough love is? I've heard about it on here but I never thought it could feel so bloody awful. I think it's time to get my head together. Have a bit of a cry, wash my face with cold water, put on a smile and go in the kitchen and make food. I can't blame them for not wanting to be friends with me when I'm like this, but I wish I hadn't told them. All it's done is make a bad situation worse, make them more pissed off at me and make me feel worse for causing this shit.