Financial control - Part 2

[AngryMo]

Just starting new thread. Hopefully can kickstart it with details of my CAB meeting.

Oh Mo, I really admire you, the fact that you have tried so hard to keep the relationship together, raising 3 kids pretty much alone, you have tried to reason with him in an adult fashion, sought help and support both on here and in RL.
And him? What a selfish twat, truly. Onwards Mo, onwards.

I would think a bit of radio silence would be a good next step Mo. The FB thing is a means of communicating with you and trying to unsettle you. Could you step back and ignore? It's all about detaching. How are you and the DCs doing?

Kitty yes, there will be silence from now on. I was extremely tempted to write something publicly but I knew after I'd calmed down I would have regretted it.

The kids and I are just fine. I admit when I get angry about him I can snap at them for no good reason and know it's not my rational self and that's another good reason to get out of this, as none of this is their fault.

We had a lovely day yesterday with activities in the morning, then the rest spent with a friend and today they've had a lot of excitement, going to a party.

I know I keep saying it but my support network here is great and I simply do not need him. We have enough great people around us for him not to even be missed one little bit.

I was so angry leaving for the party this morning and thought I might not be able to handle it but actually making connections with people really helps, even if I can't be truthful about everything right now.

It's great that you are coping so well and fantastic that you have a support network. You don't need him. His input is literally nothing. Since I left my ex, I often ask myself what it was that I thought I couldn't manage without. He also brought nothing to the table. Well done for resisting his attempt at provocation. KOKO x

Do you have time go running or anything? Even stomp around park with pushchair helps relive stress. Think be good have bit of letting off steam.

When's your next CAB apt? Glad you seeing how less stress (bar anger at him) single parent Dom is!

Akire funny you say that, I used to run and I love it but lately been impossible with the two kids at home. But I agree, I need to start doing something for me, preferably on my own. Easier said than done!

Donners I am so angry to read you had a success business and then had nothing to show for it - disgraceful. If I started freelancing that might happen to me - all my earnings on the family and the house, while all his earnings on his selfish twattish nonsense. No way.

Have you reinstated the child benefit yet?

I can't primal - for reasons mentioned before, that I don't want to discuss on here. Also, I won't do anything benefit related until I've told him it's over.

AngryMo remember on your previous thread I said my life had parallels with yours? The fact that your DP works abroad for long periods means that it is easy for him to squirrel amounts of money away in foreign bank accounts etc. Please don't annoy him, thus letting him know his behaviour has riled you as he will respond by doing just this. The CMS will have trouble locating such stashes, especially if DP gets wind of the fact you are after him sharing them. He will go to greater lengths to hide them better.

Annoying about the child benefit - partners/fathers like him are the exact reason it started being paid to the mother in the first place.

Ah, ok.

Cheapskate - what if the (current) salary is paid in local currency and paid into a foreign bank account? How do they establish it in the first place? I have evidence of last year's salary, unfortunately nothing more recent, which I know is higher.
When he comes back to the UK obviously his salary revert to sterling.

Definitely a question for you to ask CAB and Women's Aid, as my experience was with CSA and CSA was in its infancy at that time. I have read - possibly on MN - that Resolution can put you in touch with lawyers experienced in the art of ferreting out the secret stashes of miserly fathers.

Will he definitely come back to UK? Doesn't sound like he's got much incentive to (from his pov, obviously!)

Yes definitely coming back, has job waiting for him here as soon as he's finished there. Yep, another one to ask CAB.

AngryMo will your DH spend more than 90 days in the UK this tax year?

No Dr Morbius. He's been very careful about not going over his limit.

Money is completely his God isn't it?

Good luck Angry. Remember he may be treating you badly but he might not be a fool when it comes to HIS money. You need to dot every I and cross all the T's.

All conversations with him end up about money. He scatters his conversations with figures, percentages and statistics. He can only think numerically. The total opposite of me. But actually after all this time taking a back seat with finances, I'm actually looking forward to having a better grip. I was living in a haze.

Oh Mo, he's just so awful. I've just done the airport run - waved goodbye to DH for just a few days away (his plane has just flown over home now, I miss him already) and am now sat here with DDog and DPuss sipping on a nice chardonnay whilst I catch up on your thread. Stay strong Mo, make use of that support network if you have to but don't let him get wind of what you are planning. Does he know about MN?

Take screen shots of everything!

I've heard that Resolution has forensic accountants. Worth asking.

KOKO, Mo. You're fabulous!

Kiwi - I long to genuinely miss someone when they go away
God no he doesn't know about MN. He knows I use it and cackle away to myself but that's about it.
Pointless update: so he's ignored all my points but one from last week's email, boasted about partying, failed to Skype the kids yesterday morning and made no attempt to contact them over the weekend at all. Instead he's asking to Skype tomorrow morning before school. Yes your highness, anything you say...I think not. How dare he expect me to acknowledge that after he put partying for an entire weekend before his three children. Oh, the rage is just terrible. Must take my mind off it.

No wonder you're angry. I do think he's been deliberately provocative. When I get this from my ex, I think less is more when responding. 'Sorry, that's not good timing for us. AngryMo'. Don't waste your words on him. He's not worth it. Do keep a log of his contact (or not) with DCs.

Kitty you are so brilliantly assertive. Every time you post I am inclined to do everything you suggest! I like your brief unemotional reply suggestion.