I don't have a drinking issue but I do mental health issues and have often been upset when people say I have a 'choice' to do something. It is reasonable to be upset because the idea that anyone would choose to suffer like that is ridiculous, and the solution is not as simple as just making a decision. There are many things that make stopping drinking much harder for you than it would be for other people, things that are beyond your control.
But. In the end no one else can rescue you, or me, from our problems. We don't know your father or what he is like. I think you have to make that a side issue, you need to focus on yourself. Whatever recovery looks like, it will have to include letting go of some of the anger and separating yourself from whatever other people do.
There is a very strange thing for me at the heart of some mental health issues that I am guessing may also be a factor for you. It feels, in many ways truthfully, as if you have no choice. In fact you don't 'choose' in the typical meaning of the word. You fear you can't do what it takes to get better, because knowing how much you want to better, you know if it were possible you would have done it. So it can't be possible. But, the only way to ever recover is to accept and believe that you do have some control. No recovery can come without that.
So the strange thing for me if I can somehow express it, is that you have to simultaneously accept that it isn't a choice as most people understand the word, but also that you still have some the power to change it. The elements out of your control, genetic, biochemical etc may be greater or lesser at any one time, but rarely will they leave you no power. The absolute key to getting that power though is to say, ' this is my choice, maybe not in the usual sense of the word, but I can control this'. Second to second, as you said. No one else or any amount of help can do it for you, or stop you drinking if you don't accept that you have the power to do it. Even all your own efforts won't work if deep down you do not believe you can take back the power over the addiction. It will be hard, and succeeding won't mean that it should have been easy all along and you just couldn't be bothered. but you have to make that shift in thinking, and it means putting all these resentments about other people to the side. Never mind what they did or didn't do, only you can do this anyway.
Sorry this is long, and I haven't managed to say what I mean. Sorry for everyone on this thread who has suffered. OP I think your comparison to cancer was very wrong. I know you are suffering though, but please don't give up. You have tried all these things, but have you tried accepting that even with all the pressures and things outside your control, this is still something you can take responsibility for and can change? Did you ever believe you could do it, or was that missing?
I think you can do it.