If your father left you to die [Trigger warning for addiction/alcoholism added by MNHQ]

[WildeWoman]

By leaving you to die, I mean 'she's an alcoholic, what can you do'.

And you later found out that he may have been complicit in welfare fraud..........

Would you report him?

Your father may well be a nasty bastard. You need to forget that and get yourself clean. What are you doing to help yourself get off the drink? Can you go to a meeting today?

You don't take responsibility for being an alcoholic?? Who's responsibility is it then?
You probably won't respond, as I notice you seem to be picking and choosing the posts you respond to.

Garlicbake - thank you for your informed and informative reply.

When I referred to a homeless community, no, none of us had accomodation - we all slept rough. But we knew each other from going to soup kitchens and stuff.

why do you need his help to stop drinking. You have to want to do it for yourself.
you are hitting back at him , but no one made you drink. Sort yourself out and stop blaming others

Littleelffriend - I blame the Lord.

And before you say i have no idea blah blah, you are very wrong.

Kilmuir - I don't need his help to stop drinking. 12 years of AA, priests, rehab, prayer, candles, novenas, running, working, cold-turkey didn't fucking help - I sure as hell don't think my father was going to help!

I needed his help to get off the streets.

As to why I ended up homeless?

I was temping, job ended, I got a chest infection, couldn't look for work, drinking during the day took off, rent didn't get paid - ass ended up in a park.

Children of alcoholics suffer more than children of cancer sufferers. There is the resources taken away from their needs to buy drink. This drink will fuel mood swings and bad choices. Money saved for them by relatives will be taken to buy drink. I was a child sitting upstairs listening to yet another drunken row.

Do you know I was in my thirties before I could relax about Christmas? That's what an alcoholic parent with an excuse to belt it down does for you. It makes kids who are scared of Christmas. It makes adults who lose weight at Christmas because of the stress. And I really did get off lightly.

It may be an illness. You may not have realised where the drink was taking you before you no longer had a choice. Please, please, please, please admit that an alcoholic fucks up other people's lives as well as their own. That is why Al-anon exists.

Self pitying shite.

Many, many people are born with 'that' gene - there is no 'token alco'; all shapes and sizes, and ten a penny. And many of them go on to recover. It's not luck, or good fortune, or hearing the word of the Lord, it takes bloody hard work and a concerted effort everyday, but they do it.

You may choose not to, but don't dress it up as anything else but that. Your choice. Choosing to stay mad at daddy and everybody else.

This thread is painful enough for the family members of alcoholics without you comparing their suffering to the family members of cancer. Absolutely no need for that. Truly awful thing to say.

i am not however going to take responsibility for being an alcoholic.

This right here is what is holding you back in your life. You see this as something that was out of your control but you don't realize it is. As many posters have pointed out, the advice is from experiencing it themselves.
You need to sit down and think why has your brother distances himself as well when you clearly do care about him? I wish you well op, but please take responsibility as an adult for your situation.

I'm sorry - but IT. IS. THE. SAME.

I did everything the doctors told me.

I drank water. I went to rehab. I purged my soul. I prayed. I attended daily mass. I said the rosary. I attended twice daily AA meetings. I detoxed on medication. I detoxed on no medication. I went to a priest. I rang recovering alcoholics when I wanted a drink. I walked miles. I ran miles. I walked and I ran and I prayed and I begged and I went to meetings and I worked and I tried to 'work' the programme and I begged the Lord, I told everyone how much of a piece of shit I had been, basically I got down on my knees and self-flaggelated myself at various attempts at recovery. Believe me. I did everything the doctors told me. I tried so hard, I was 6 stone from running. My hands were raw from cleaning. BUT. Guess what? Here I am. Still not cured.

So I'm sorry - but yes - it is the same.

This thread really bothered me. My situation was the exact opposite. I am the daughter of an alcoholic. It killed my father five years ago. I had to walk away from him for the sake of my sanity and my life. I too felt that any money spent on him would've been wasted. I would've spent every penny I had (not that I had much) to save him but I felt it would've been wasted. I still feel that way. It was not about the money. You may believe that your father was motivated solely by money OP, but you may be simplifying. I don't know you, so I don't have any way of knowing that.

Loving an alcoholic does not make you a cruel unfeeling bastard. You need to separate your feelings for your father from your alcoholism and his reaction to it.

Btw, I would do exactly the same again. Being selfish out of desperation does not make you a bad person.

Oh good God. You won't take responsibility for being an alcoholic and you are genuinely comparing the situation to having cancer? Really?

Those are your real problems, not your father.

It isn't the same for the people around you, for the family.

The effect of cancer on a family is far less than the effect of an alcoholic and usually for a shorter duration.

Can you accept that your actions may have upset other people?

My brother has distanced himself because it hurts him to hear me in pain. I in turn have distanced myself from him to protect him. He has enough shit to deal with.

Your pain is self pity - alot of us here have read the script. Until you acept responsablity you will get no where.

I am going to have to name change after this.

Because it sounds far fetched, but it isn't. My mother died from cancer - took about 18 months. My father died after a seizure that the doctors put down to drink, and he was definitely an alcoholic. The effects of his attitude to alcohol and how he prioritised it lasted over thirty years and I can honestly there were points that have led to lasting damage to my life. He was a good man, but alcohol came first.

From a family member, there is honestly nothing to compare.

If you are willing to be so cruel when challenged then you are still in deep denial. Are you willing to admit that you may have upset people with your comment?

Alcoholism does fuck up other peoples' lives. Usually 6 per alco.

So does any other potentially fatal illness.

To compare someone who chooses to drink to someone who is a cancer sufferer is vile. Horrid.

I agree. A disgraceful comparison.

As a person who was married to an alcoholic and as a person who currently has cancer.

I'm out.

I'm willing to accept that I have upset people by the comparison. But I stand by it. Medically and scientifically.

btw, my mother's cancer mainly affected her and left us tired and grieving. My father's alcoholism led to homelessness for his family, being left without enough money for food, being left without money for clothes, not having the heating on - for years, and years, and years.

Can you understand why I would find the comparison upsetting? If you thought you had unintentionally upset me, would be willing to apologise? I'm not asking because I need an apology. I'm asking to see how much you are prepared to look at things from someone else's point of view.