If your father left you to die [Trigger warning for addiction/alcoholism added by MNHQ]

[WildeWoman]

By leaving you to die, I mean 'she's an alcoholic, what can you do'.

And you later found out that he may have been complicit in welfare fraud..........

Would you report him?

That's brilliant news cloughed and well done to her that's amazing for her

I agree Iampissedoff

So your (unhelpful) brother has given you (and him) a perfect excuse for you to not stop. Oh well done him. NOT. For what apparently seems to be an extremely well educated man he certainly is, if not ignorant, at the very least sticking his head in a very deep hole in the sand.

How very dare you, and him, denigrate those people who have and will continue to struggle every day of their lives not to take a drink. How dare you say they aren't 'real' alcoholics. How dare you insinuate that it must not be a 'real' struggle for them.

Grow up. Stop making excuses for yourself. Stop allowing others to make excuses for you. Either accept that you are a hopeless drunk who refuses to stop drinking of your own free will or make up your mind to stop and get help. And don't tell me that you'd sought help and it doesn't work. There are many roads that lead to sobriety. My brother tried many, many of them until he found the one that works for him. And by the way, it isn't AA. So there IS a program out there that will work for you. You just don't want to keep looking. You'd rather feel sorry for yourself. I don't have one drop of pity for you nor for your brother. That's reserved for the people who are in treatment and/or struggling to stay sober. That's reserved for the family members helplessly watching that loved one struggle, knowing that they must stand quietly by so that person can succeed on their own and thereby claim their own victory.

I just hope to God that no non-sober alcoholic or addict is reading this thread and adopting your attitudes and beliefs as justification for their continual use. Because God help them if they are.

I believe the only alcoholics who have been cured were not true alcoholics to start with for its an incurable disease that changes the mind and brain irrevocably in my opinion.
As someone else has said that is only his opinion. The members of the medical profession that I have met in the rooms over the years will tell you different.

There is no cure only management of the condition.

Wilde, if you have an addictive personality it's much harder not to be an addict. And yes, I agree that you will always be an alcoholic. But whether or not you choose to drink alcohol is a choice that you make, consciously or subconsciously. An agonising choice, every second. I'm not going to say it gets easier.

I am just going to say I will hold you in my prayers.

IAmPissed, yes. Have reported your comment with a note of agreement.

OP sounds like a narcissist. Many addicts are. Engaging with a narcissist will always end badly and people will always get hurt.

This thread is misguided to say the least.

AnyFucker. I've been resisting suggesting to people on this thread that they might be giving the .OP what she wants here. I've seen alcoholics who want a fight, who want attention and it's best not to engage. However, I can't tell definitively from a few posts what the OP's schtick is so am giving the benefit of the doubt.

The self pity, the misunderstood special-ness - so absolutely, totally characteristic of a using alcoholic. I agree, we should stop feeding this melodrama which adds to the op's script.

The unrepentant alcoholism/cancer comparison is truly shocking. And I have extensive experience of addiction personally and professionally - this is low, even for all that experience.

Your brother is just a doctor, OP. He does not know everything about every illness. Some of the best people I know are in AA and they accept responsability for their actions, which is something that very few people do.

It is a long slog, but the ones I know have their acts together in a way that people who have never had a problem with addiction do not. They have turned a problem into a benefit.

I have an alcoholic, drug addict DS and a high functioning alcoholic DD.

They would never write the self pitying guff that the OP posts, it's lovely to feel quite proud of them for a change.

Your thought pattern is vile. I'm another child of an alcoholic, one who lied about having cancer in order to continue drinking. You didn't choose to be an alcoholic, but you're continuing to choose to drink. This situation with your dad is yet another in what I'm sure is a long line of excuses to continue drinking; poor me, poor me, pour me another drink...

I've known hundreds of alcoholics, both in recovery and not, whilst they're active in their addiction they're all liars.

If you'd compared your illness to being a diabetic who was constantly shovelling down cakes and chocolates (whilst being abusive no doubt) I'd have more sympathy with your position but as it stands you just sicken me and frankly I can see exactly why your dad didn't intervene. You weren't at rock bottom, you're not prepared to change anything, just want to be supported enough (financially!) to be able to continue indulging your addiction.

Regarding the doctor brother comment from OP.

Just another lie.

people with chance and those with dementia don't generally see their friends and family as 'collateral damage'.
You, on the other hand seem to believe that you have no control over your alcoholism, and that all around you should accept who and what you are and put up with the misery it brings them (with the exception of your brother).
OP, your words have been very hurtful on this thread, and you have disregarded any wisdom offered to you.
I wish you well, but suspect you've stopped even trying to stop drinking because 'it's not your fault'.

chance cancer

What makes you say that, FATE?

What your brother said is that alcoholics can't be cured. That's perfectly true. But they can be sober. Not the same thing.

you'll probably find your friends & brother describe themselves as alcoholics

Yes they do. One of my friends is really tough about it: he still calls himself an alcoholic. But they no longer drink, and they are no longer slaves to their addiction. They are aware that they have a choice not to drink. And they don't.

What's that AA thing? "Think the drink through" The OP might reflect on that.

And - unlike the OP - they don't blame others for their own choices.

Rosyglow

Another recovering alcoholic here. A checklist of some behaviour I recognise from my drinking days:

Wallowing that would put a hippo to shame? Check.

Self-pitying flouncing? Check.

Passive aggressive response to people's calling out of said flouncing? Check.

'It's basically like cancer - you wouldn't treat a cancer victim this way' Check.

'I did this and this and this and it didn't work' - Me too, because at the time I didn't really want to stop. I'd go straight from AA meetings to the pub. I was in rehab three times and in hospital four before I got it together.

'non-alcoholics don't understand' - well here's the thing, I agree with you on this. They don't. People who are not addicts will never understand the depths we trawl in the throes of addiction, but recovering addicts do, and there are lots of us, so don't try and play that card. There are plenty of people who understand your behaviour perfectly and all too well

Excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse after excuse aft - Check.

Anything that shifts the blame a little further away from your own choice to pick up that first drink. Anything. Check.

OP what is the point of your thread?

Oh, and recovery? It's hell. It's watching yourself every day, every hour for the thing doing press-up in the corner of your mind. Filtering every emotional trigger until you think cutting out your heart would be less painful. It's denying your addict's brain the only thing it wants again and again forever. I will always, always be an alcoholic. I will never be safe from it again in my lifetime without constant, wearying, soul-scraping vigilance.

Is it better than drinking?

Yes. A thousand, thousand times yes. You have a choice.

I just wanted to say that, as a non-alcoholic, I admire you tremendously, RivieraKid. Even though I have never met you.

What makes you say that, FATE?

It's all about the lies. It is ALL about the lies.

Just another lie to allow the alcoholic to justify their drinking

Alcoholics when drinking do not tell the truth. There is no honesty in that moment. OP is wallowing ergo is currently drinking. Therefore OP will not say anything truthful, will just justify her drinking.

It's all lies.

Riviera to you. Congratulations on your sobriety, and your courage. Although I don't know you, I am proud of you and what you've accomplished. Thank you. Thank you because you have probably, and unknowingly, given another person the courage to quit. Maybe not in this thread, but somewhere out there in your RL.

I must admit I am thankfully limited in my experience of alcoholics. Just don't understand such a big lie. Other things - our own twisted interpretation, sure - a big lie feels beyond my comprehension. I mean, why bother?