Partner doesn't want a second baby

[Longsuffering24]

We have 2yr old DS and I feel the time is right to have another baby. I've always wanted 2 children and now as I approach 37 I feel it's really now or never. My partner has made it very clear he doesn't want any more but the thought of never having any more children is devastating. I fear that this will ultimately ruin our relationship. I'm considering all options including leaving him despite the fact that I love him and I know our DS adores him. I don't know what to do. Surely he can't really care about me if he's prepared to stop me following my dreams? I get so angry about it that sometimes I can't stand the sight of him. Would I be selfish to turn my DS's life upside down by leaving or should I just live with things the way they are?

Can I jut point out your child would not necessarily feel deprived if he is an only child? I'm an only child who never wanted siblings, and I grew up to be a (relatively) nice and well balanced person. Similarly my teenage son is son is delighted to be an only he knows what side his bread is buttered on. On the other hand my mum is from a family of ten which she hated, and isn't particularly close to any of them as they have little in common. So please don't assume onlies feel that they are missing out, all kinds of family dynamics can be great , or not so great. So your husband is correct in that he won't miss something he doesn't know.

That's good to know Glastokitty. It seems increasingly likely that my DS will be am only child so hopefully he'll see the benefits too :-)

OP, having skimmed the thread it seems that realistically, your dp showed you clearly with ds that he wasn't particularly enthusiastic about fatherhood. In the event of discussion about another he has been very straight it would seem with his objections, which I have to respect as he is clearly ineffectual as a parent (which he probably suspected he would be and why he wasn't particular overawed at the prospect in the first place). You are clearly dissatisfied with his input in your home life, yet you want another child to add to the mix. What you are actually craving I think is a better relationship with your partner first and foremost and if that's not forthcoming no baby will fix it. You partner to his credit somewhat, knows that . If you're not happy, leave. But do not stay and throw your life away resenting what you don't have. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent at all, let alone to multiple children. His choices are different to yours but fundamentally if you're not happy, change yourself, your environment, your experiences because you can't change others nor should you seek to.

Very wise advice, Threefishys, especially the last sentence.

I understand what you are saying Threefishies and maybe that is true. It would all make a lot more sense if Dp had just been honest about it in the beginning and not lead me down the garden path so to speak. If he was now, I would respect his decision and consider how I'd move on from here.
That being said I'm guessing you aren't a woman, maybe I'm wrong, but your comments suggest that you cant possibly understand the desire to have a baby. It is totally overwhelming and defies all reason. Unless you have experienced it you couldn't understand why women have children in less than ideal situations.

OP I am a woman and a mother of a 13 year old DD. I think I'm a really good parent but never not for one singular moment I have ever been 'maternal'. I have never ever yearned for a child and DD was unplanned but of course I couldn't love her more. I know though that I have never had it in me to desire a pregnancy or baby. Therefore after DD I was extremely careful as I knew I did not want another child anymore than I had wanted a child in the first place. I love my daughter with all my heart and have built my life around her since the day she was born but a planned pregnancy was never and would never be a desire and the same is true of many many normal women who are brilliant parents nonetheless.

me and my ex had always talked about having kids we had a little boy and wanted another (or at least I thought he did). I fell pregnant very easily and since he has left me 35 weeks pregnant for another woman.
he said he only said he wanted a baby to make me feel like he loved me!
so please be careful and don't bring a child into the world unless you both completely agree as it can cause a massive strain on your relationship and it's not fair on the children to be in that horrible situation.

glastokitty - hear hear!!!!! i;m an only child too and i love it. i can't stand it when people assume you will be miserable without a sibling. there are no guarantees!

my DH has a brother he loathes who he hasn't spoken to in 20 years...

yet i'm perfectly happy...who knows how the dice will fall.

That makes sense then Threefishies. It's hard for me to understand how anyone can be indifferent to or definitely not want children, so I'm guessing it's very difficult for you and for my Dp to understand just how much I want another child. My main regret in life is that I left it so late as I would have loved to have had a big family. I now accept that best case scenario I can only have one more and it's very upsetting that this may not happen either. Even if my DS would be quite happy with it would still be a big hole in my life.

Hurtandconfused I can only imagine how awful that must be for you. I would be gutted if that happened once I was pregnant but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't regret having a baby , even if I did have to go it alone. There are never any guarantees. I know of lots of broken marriages with young children, some I saw coming and some I didn't. All you can do is give your children the best possible home with what you have.