Can we have another 'worst internet date' thread?

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

I've got a couple, although mine are nowhere near as outrageous as some I've heard of.

One was 'Bridge Man'. He was really short and spent an hour (possibly more as I may have nodded off) talking about bridges.

Anther was a guy I met for coffee who, as soon I walked in, I knew we wouldn't be suited. Anyway, I was already sat down facing forwards, he sat in his chair, leaning back, legs crossed but the main thing was he never once made eye contact. Plus he only talked about himself.

Oh and, the other was when he suggested going for a drink. We went for a walk first (how romantic I thought) then he produced 1 can of Fanta for us to share. That was our drink

Thankfully, I have a lovely DP now so no more of this malarkey but love to hear all the tales. I did OLD for years!

I still think it is mean posting all this. In my experience you get accused of a sense of humour failure when you have hit a nerve and called someone out on sthg unreasonable they have said.

Oh hello again! Brent

I get it, you think it's mean.

BrentCross you clearly don't like this, clearly light-hearted, thread. SO STOP READING IT!!!

I don't see what's mean about this thread BrentCross, having a joke about online dating is hurting no one surely.

If a thread upsets me I hide it, problem solved. You could try that.

Pocket bless your poor sister!

I once met a guy who looked nothing like his pics - was a good 15 yrs older and much much heavier than his photos so not a good start. Anyway, we went for dinner - he talked non stop about his ex wife, his best mate Keith, Keith wife and Keith' mistress. When I attempted to interject and ask him about other topics, his standard answer was 'Nah, lets not talk about that, it's too political'!! (pets, family, holidays ....)

After about an hour he left the table to use the toilet and the two guys on the next table begged me to move seats and sit with them as my date 'hadn't taken a breath in an hour'. They were totally lovely and made me giggle but I didn't move tables. I did tell 'political boy' why it was that I didn't want a second date with him.

If you don't like my clearly reasonable postings don't read them just respond to the previous hilarious anecdote.

Haha just told dh I felt I'd missed out as I met him young and never did old. He reminded me about one of our early dates which ended in a row. He comes from a family that don't eat "weird foreign food" (spaghetti bolognese for example ). We arranged to meet for lunch and went to the all you can eat Chinese. It was my lunch break so limited time to eat. I went up to get food and realised he hadn't. Turned out he'd never had Chinese and thought I'd be fine with him just giving me company ie sit and watch me stuff my face. I found that really weird and uncomfortable... Can't believe I'd forgotten that.
He now eats all kinds of food!

I was once mistaken for an online dater.

I was in a record shop browsing and a guy literally walked in and slobbered all over my face while I made a high pitched keening noise.

Once I prised his face off mine, it turned out he was meant to be on a blind OLD and I was in the agreed place at the agreed time. He didn't believe that I was not 'SEXYDIVA69' from the internet and I had to threaten to call the police to get him to leave me alone.

Also when I was young and silly I met a chap online and we chatted for MONTHS. We knew each other very well I felt, so when he invited me to the other end of the country for an event- staying at his in the spare room, I felt ok about it.

So I went to the event, met him, all great stuff. Went back to his house- absolutely knackered and fell asleep on the sofa.

Woke up to go for a wee in the night and fell through the floor of his bathroom. It was completely rotted through and I was floundering on the floor with my foot stuck in a huge hole. And it was bloody sore.

He had to come and pull me out of his bathroom floor. Give me some pyjamas to wear (the floor was soaking- really sodden rotten floorboards.)

The next morning he suggested that I helped him pay for a new bathroom floor.

Jog on.

Brent to be fair I think the clue was in the thread title. This was very obviously going to be a funny thread!

I live for these threads :o I met DH OD, had many different dates but like a previous poster I had a good nose for the weirdoes and never managed to go on a date with one. So, I live vicariously through the dates of others :o

Second date.

We have a conversation that goes something like this:
Him "To pay off my (huge) cocaine debts I cashed in everything, handed it over then went bankrupt and have now set up a business with my parent's retirement fund so I better not screw that up. I also have a second job, bouncing at a strip club, I trade as company that is in my sister's name, and she pays me minimum wage now so what I earn on top of that will be waiting for me when the bankruptcy is over and I pay less tax that way. I used to be a minder for call girls for the people my coke dealer worked for, so it's a step in a more legit direction. The number of girls who would cry before turning their first trick, I would really have to persuade them to do it. Then, few weeks later they'd be laughing about screwing more money out of a john for extras. A lot of my friends are in the sex industry. I sleep with a lot of the working girls I used to mind for- I don't pay, I just ask them round for old times sake and then leave it up to them if they want to or not. Still do some bukake porn though because I got asked to do it by some of my friends and the money is good. That's shot from the male POV so the camera sits on my shoulder."

Waitress apporaches. "Would you like to see the dessert menu or maybe some coffee?"

Me "No. Could you get me my coat though."

.

Blatant place marking. Somehow my dates don't seem that bad in comparison.

Not an OLD, but I was once on a first date with a bloke who got into a proper fight with a stranger while we were waiting for our puddings. I actually continued to date him for another few weeks..in my defence, I was in my very early 20s.

Why thanks for your inspirational anecdote Mia.

I suggest all us mumsnetters click on that link forthwith and get ourselves some sexy Asian dates

I think PitPatKitKat wins the thread.

He might as well had a flashing sign saying 'I am a whoremonger'.

Still, sort of pity him, he was obviously uncomfortable actually talking to a woman outside of a strip club or a porn shoot.

I once met a girl via online dating and she thought it would be a good idea to ring me a few days before the date. We spent an hour on the phone with just her talking about herself and how she has written poetry about meerkats.

I went on the date purely out of curiosity. Was utterly awful, not my type at all.

Awwww! Bless him scrambled

Omg hesterton. Sounds like you dealt with it so kindly and sensitively.
[Brew]

pitpatkitkat wow!
The optimism of that bloke thinkng you'd like him.......

I am very short sighted and don't suit glasses. When going on dates I got into the habit of going into the bar half an hour beforehand to make sure I knew where the loo and tables were. Sounds anally retentive, but born from bitter experience of tripping over).

Meeting this OLD chap who was a semi-local GP. Stalked him on his practice website and he checked out. Arrived at bar, did my reconnaissance....then I get a text that say "[Bar] is closed tonight for a private function - let's try [Other bar] instead?" I assure him the bar is open and I am just walking towards the door as we speak. He came bounding out of the bushes blabbing and panicking about how he couldn't go in there because his (ahem) ex-wife's best friend was there. Ex-wife my eye!

The other bad OLD was a pilot (not short of a few quid) who looked me up and down pointedly before pushing the "main course and a glass of wine for 10 pounds" menu towards me. (I had some fun that night....regrettably ALL the multiple wines I tried were corked or otherwise unsatisfactory and my food didn't please me either so after sending back my second main course I decided to call it a night...)