Can we have another 'worst internet date' thread?

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

I've got a couple, although mine are nowhere near as outrageous as some I've heard of.

One was 'Bridge Man'. He was really short and spent an hour (possibly more as I may have nodded off) talking about bridges.

Anther was a guy I met for coffee who, as soon I walked in, I knew we wouldn't be suited. Anyway, I was already sat down facing forwards, he sat in his chair, leaning back, legs crossed but the main thing was he never once made eye contact. Plus he only talked about himself.

Oh and, the other was when he suggested going for a drink. We went for a walk first (how romantic I thought) then he produced 1 can of Fanta for us to share. That was our drink

Thankfully, I have a lovely DP now so no more of this malarkey but love to hear all the tales. I did OLD for years!

The worst one I've had had to be where he went to the bathroom in the restaurant and came back coked up.

Several OLD's which echo the start of a bad horror film.

• the man who sulked after I refused to go on a countryside drive with him (in the evening, pitch black) in his car. Told me to 'shut up' so he could speak when I had the tiniest window to get a word in.

• the man who persistently asked rude and personal questions. Persistently. When did I last have sex, how much do I earn, how often did I like to have sex when I was last in a relationship. Annoyingly I was do taken aback, I actually answered some of the questions. Then he put my name together with his last name and told me it had a ring to it. Then bombarded me with messages, genuinely shocked that I didn't want to see him again.

He brought a strap-on.

In a tesco carrier bag...

I had the classic no teeth shown in photo one...he only had about 5 teeth! I was too polite to cut and run so sat and had a cup of tea with him while he told me about how he had mice in his flat (not pets, just wild mice) that he encouraged into his bed with biscuits. And he moaned that he had to travel so far to meet me, he had come on a 15 minute bus ride then a few minutes walk! Not exactly a huge journey by anyones standards.

Thank God I met my dp a few dates later!

It's scary how many weirdos there are out there, some of these have really made me shudder!

Mine is not as bad...

One man correctly guessed my bra size, without being asked to guess or even talking about body shapes, he just blurted it out.

Another wanted me to sit on his lap and piss on him (I did not meet up with him though).

I had a first and last date with someone who bored the *#%^ out of me and made me feel sick by spending the whole time telling me all about his ingrown toe nail and the many treatments he'd had to try fix it

His name began with B!

Was it Bridge?

just come back from a first date at my local pub. he talked too much, didnt make me laugh and said his son wants him to get him a new mum. whats more hes 5ft 8, not 5ft 10, as advertised. whats worse is, there was a gorgeous guy in there who kept looking at me and there was nothing i could do about it!

These are hilarious, marking place

I met a woman for coffee. She was 30 minutes late, no apology, because she works on 'mac time' (something to do with her. Boak). Then proceeded to moan about previous online dates. And exes. I suggested she should get therapy. We didn't meet again

Omg I have had too many of these awful dates. These spring to mind first......

1. Guy about 10 years younger than me cheerfully told me on our date he'd 'happily lift my dress and give me one' but in the long run wanted kids.....!!!
2. Met guy for a drink not long before father's day.... asked me why i never mentioned my dad (who has passed away) and when i told him why he replied "oh good that means you'll be free on Sunday then".
3. 2nd date with a guy who I couldn't decide if I liked or not. Then he kissed me. Like a camel!!! His lips were literally all over my face ffs!!! Then he says "can we sit in your car??" Errrmmm no!! Two words. Baby wipes.

I fainted on a first date - I was sitting down but fell off the chair, waitress and waiter v kindly picked me up, my date ... didn't move! He had driven to the restaurant, I had caught the bus as it was only 2 miles from my house, he didn't even offer to drive me bk/wait at the bus stop with me. He was a traffic cop!

I've been on 5 first dates where the men in question all cried. To be fair, 4 of them were really upset re lack of access to their kids, the fifth guy had just lost his Mum and youngest son. I hadn't asked about any of the above, the men just started talking and opening up. Theses dates weren't awful - just v sad, sad because they all said that they had no one to talk to because they didn't as a rule share anything of importance with their male friends.

Oh ... the chap who 'treated me' to a Burger King meal. Now, I'm no snob but we were in Leicester Sq for gods sake, the middle of London, surrounded by hundreds of restaurants. I suggested many non expensive alternatives, ie All Bar One, China Town and made it clear I was happy to pay. He insisted that he wanted to treat me and steered us towards the Leics Squ branch of BK. I declined and went home. Not that it matters but he's v famous in his field and so I don't imagine money was an issue.

There are many more stories!

One man arranged to meet me in obscure tiny theatre. I got lost so phoned for directions. He screamed that I should have brought an A-z and hung up. Lucky escape really.
Another one refused to tell me his surname- I later realised the first name he gave me was the name of the pub opposite our meeting place, so suspect that was fake as well.

MaliaGrace, so many men need therapy not a date. The first OLD I went on told me his wife had cheated on him with his friend, his house was in negative equity, they'd cut his hours at work, he was growing apart from his daughter.... I hadn't had it easy myself in the last few years but I didn't see my own life as a list of problems the way he did.

Ohdear wins for me!

"Isn't sex supposed to feel rushed?"

Nope!

From the ones I can remember:

Head in the clouds - reckoned he was a landlord and drove a big flash car, but got the train to our date and argued about having to pay £10 for a wetherspoons dinner. I did second date, but soon cottoned on and pegged it

Halitosis hang up - guy turned up being at least three inches shorter and ten years older than he said, and I could smell his breath before I got near. Quickly deflected to a coffee only, where he spent the whole hour moaning about his ex wife and how he and his mil caught her cheating and made her life hell

VISA con man - can only presume he was after a quick marraige and visa, when I showed no interest in a quick turn around never heard from him again

Mummy's boy - just moved out of home at 30, to live with his brother. Worked with his brother. Wore gloves with short football tshirts.

Ear wiggler - every time he chewed his ears wiggled. I couldn't get through the meal soon enough.

Married man - didn't even get to the date as I pulled him up on it pretty quick

Still in the closet - actually dated two of these. So so so camp and feminine, that I think everyone thought he was gay but him. Both were mid thirties and never long term relationship. I think they were afraid to face their preference for men, things they said pointed that way.

My DP of 2.5 years was one of the good ones. I knew instantly. He's slightly camp though, so I have a bit of thing for them it seems!

The height thing is weird! How do they think lying about their height will work out?

Certainly a lot of men and women who need therapy rather than dating, and who are clinging to the acclaim of shagging a thousand different people rather than actually addressing their issues.

• A man who I had quite a good time with, until we somehow got onto discussing immigration, and he turned out to be a bigot very right wing. I'm a raging leftie. We didn't see each other again.

• A woman who turned out to be an alcoholic. I actually really liked her, and would have liked things to have worked out, but it was a no go unfortunately.

• A man who I think was probably married, with high insight. He could only have phone calls at certain times of the day, and only used whatsapp, not text, never wanted me to come to his city, always came to mine, normally on short notice.

It's a weird old world.

The warted penis one nearly made me ill. Talk about a genital trypophobic experience. {{{}}}}}} shudders.

Humble and voldys yes I agree.

How would you all feel if some one was writing about your DS or DD like this in the future? It isn't actually illegal not to be attractive. I find the pleasure people get from this really sad.