Can we have another 'worst internet date' thread?

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

I've got a couple, although mine are nowhere near as outrageous as some I've heard of.

One was 'Bridge Man'. He was really short and spent an hour (possibly more as I may have nodded off) talking about bridges.

Anther was a guy I met for coffee who, as soon I walked in, I knew we wouldn't be suited. Anyway, I was already sat down facing forwards, he sat in his chair, leaning back, legs crossed but the main thing was he never once made eye contact. Plus he only talked about himself.

Oh and, the other was when he suggested going for a drink. We went for a walk first (how romantic I thought) then he produced 1 can of Fanta for us to share. That was our drink

Thankfully, I have a lovely DP now so no more of this malarkey but love to hear all the tales. I did OLD for years!

Omg klap!

My first ever internet date: so nervous, I entered my PIN number incorrectly several times and the cash machine swallowed my card.

EXTREMELY expensive cocktail bar on Leicester Square, boring lawyer, bought me a drink so felt I had to stay.

Time to leave / escape. Standing just outside, he enthusiastically grabbed my arse and whispered in my ear:

"Listen, you're not marriage material but I'd fuck you if you wanted"

Unsurprisingly, I didn't want.

Second internet date turned into my DH. So I can't really complain.

Oh some weird ones
A guy who referred to himself in the third person most of the evening.
A young guy (early 20's) who had a very very nice flat in a very nice part of London that turned out to be horrendously racist and homophobic and wanted to watch Roy chubby Brown DVDs. It was also a mystery as to how he earnt the money to live where he did.

A lovely guy, but in kissing him turned into an over enthusiastic puppy/washing machine I ended up with saliva all over my face.

A guy who spent the evening moaning about his childhood as an "RAF brat" (his words) and assumed I was one too as I mentioned my parents had been in the RAF (before I was born)

Had lots of sex fun though, will never regret my OLD days!

Some of these are actually making my jaw drop. Went on a date with a very shy guy doing his PhD in the UK after weeks of talking on whatsapp. He was very sweet but not English and although I admired how good his English was for someone who'd only been here a few years and we had a lot of mutual interests, his nervousness made face to face conversation almost impossible. I began to realize I wasn't attracted to him after the 1st date and was worried he was becoming too attached so tried to let him down very gently but for about 3 months after received occasional guilt tripping messages about how much he cared about me and how much I'd changed his perception of things. I honestly don't think he was trying to emotionally blackmail me but that was what it felt like. Now slightly apprehensive of trying again!

One guy was 30 minutes late picking me up because he ran someone over on the way. To be fair it wasn't his fault and the guy he ran over was more concerned that his bottle of cider was spilt.

But he was at least 20 years older than his photo. We had a meal and didn't see him again.

First OLD, the guy came to my town to meet for the first time after chatting on-line for a few weeks and he brought a mix CD that he'd made for me.
Full of love songs that apparently reminded him of me, complete with coloured in cover with lots of little hearts.
Then as we sat chatting he decided to tell me about how many prostitutes he'd sleep with (double figures).
He was very upset that our "relationship" didn't go any further.

Second OLD, he turned up with a mate and pretty much blanked me whilst talking to his friend about how Hitler had the right idea.
I soon made the excuse of going to the toilet and got the fuck out of their.

Lastly, third OLD turned up with homemade M&M cookies, took me to Wetherspoons for a drink and then walked me to the sea front and smoked a special cigarette with me.
That date lasted 12 hours and it'll be our third wedding anniversary in March

First and only OLD was a guy who looked nothing like his picture. He was a rather affable and roly poly Scottish man of about five foot two who worked as a pot scrubber.

He told me - in all seriousness - that he'd killed over 30 people, and slept with 1000 women, most of them models. He was also proficient in 11 kinds of martial arts and apparently he was kicked out of university for being too intelligent. He told me all this in a conversational tone while I went "uh huh, oh really?", mind racing.

As far as I know he's still on the loose.

And also, these stories are all amazing but the one that really had me snorting was meeting the man in the park who was dressed in his football kit. Hahaha!

Some of these are obviously complete bullshit exaggerated. Hard to believe these people exist. Loved this guy though:

proficient in 11 kinds of martial arts and apparently he was kicked out of university for being too intelligent.

Destiny shameful indeed, I felt a right wrong un!

Youthhostelling hahjahhaha! He sounds like the IT guy from The Office that Gareth is in awe of. Also, I love your username!

Reminded by a few others posts of one guy I went on ONE date with who still texts me every few months or so, our date was 4 years ago! The date lasted about 3 hours and I didn't want to see him again. I used to get about 10 texts a day for the first month and now 4 years on still get one every few months usually in the early hours. I stopped replying after the first week (was too polite not to at first) but he sends really chatty mundane messages like we are close. I haven't replied at all since the first week! He told me that his mum told him we will end up together so he doesn't mind waiting. The messages are further and further apart now so I'm hoping its tailing off but it's actually a bit creepy.

Rufus can you not block his number?! I wouldn't be happy with that!

Love this! During my OLD period I met some absolute gems.

1. The one I like to call 'the dark side of Internet dating'. He'd been on the site for a year. And during our date, he wanted to analyse the reasons for this. He also suggested I remove my jacket so he could check out my 'lady lumps'.

1. The one who suggested we have dinner. But when I suggested a reasonably priced Italian, he sulked throughout the meal and grudgingly counted out every last penny (and I do mean pennies) when paying his share. Apparently by 'dinner' he'd actually meant a poke of chips at the end of the night. Huh.

1. The one who admitted he'd lied about his age to attract women in their twenties. Then 'jokingly' said But you're 29 so almost at the cut off point!' He was 45...

1. The one who still lived with his parents aged 32, had never done a day's proper work in his life...but who had serious ambitions of becoming 'the next Tom Cruise'. I thought he was joking. He wasn't.

I could go on! I did meet a lot of lovely men online too, but those dates just aren't as funny 😁 met plenty of plonkers offline too!

Jeez Brent, get a sense of humour! No names are being shared here. And it's unfair to mislead people with a photo that's not an accurate representation of your current appearance. You do need to be attracted to someone to go on a date with them you know!

Plus, I'm pretty sure I've been someone's worst date before. There was the guy who I had a date with the night after I had an 'overnight' date with another man. Despite my flatmate's advice to cancel, I rolled up half cut, in a hastily pulled on outfit...with a lovebite on my neck (I know, classy). I drank too much white wine and almost passed out. I wouldn't mind if he was sharing this story anonymously! It was a dickish thing to do and I felt bad about it. But that's dating for you! It can bring out the inner chump in all of us...

Not me, but my mum. She just told me about this recently....

She had arranged to meet a chap through the singles section of their local paper (so not really OLD) but still, a blind date.

So my mum, she is in her 60's and she is fun, fit and gorgeous, just really never met 'the one' after my father did a number on her.

So the bloke sounded great in the advert, he said he loved old films, reading and travelling.

They met up for coffee in the town. She was sitting there waiting and in walks a man with a walking stick and a panic button on a piece of string around his neck. He definitely enjoyed films (on the telly) and reading as never went out anywhere. When my mum questioned him about where he travelled to (as she is quite well travelled herself), he said it depends on where he felt like going on the bus route that day.... . When they finished their coffee and said their goodbyes, he said that he didn't feel that they were well suited as my mum was a bit 'too active' for him.

Malia My sister has had a couple of blokes cry on her during first dates. She has a very sympathetic face (unlike me!) and is a great listener and they just seem to open up.

She tends to get more weird ones than me, possibly because she dates more than I do (or maybe my Bitchy Resting Face keeps potential weirdos in line!) so one recent gem from her:

Arranged to meet the guy for a coffee date at lunchtime. Guy turns up, looks like his photo, all seems okay. After about 5 mins of chit chat he says "I'm really glad you picked a coffee date because I don't drink, and people can be a bit "ooh weird" when you tell them."

Sis: "Well that's a very healthy choice so you shouldn't feel awkward for anyone else's reactions."

Him: "Yes - I realised I was getting a bit too reliant on drinking every day, so I cut it out completely about 6 months ago and I feel much better for it. I also stopped smoking weed as I thought it was making me paranoid."

Sis: "Wow, well done you. I had similar experiences with weed, haven't smoked in years and years."

Him: "Yeah. I just stick to meth now and the ocassional pipe of crack."

Sis: ".... "

Him: "Only socially, you know!"

Needless to say there was no second date.

My date chose Jenga. He beat me, stood up and shouted, "IN YOUR FACE!! 'Ave that! You're going DOWWWWWN."

Well that's a bit uncomfortable, I now have to explain the the office why I have just spat coffee all over my Keyboard

I had one who said he wanted to tie me up and fuck me on a first date! Bit forward I thought so left it until the 2nd

My friend A went on a soulmates date. The bar was really noisy, in a bizarre contrast to his earlier emails, the guy barely spoke english, which made it really hard to have a conversation, and he kept yawning in her face. So she left after one drink.

Got outside - and found that her mobile and wallet and keys had been stolen! The bar had CCTV and as soon as the police saw the date, they recognised him from previous reports. Seems that he and a female partner had quite the little online scam going on. He would be on the "date", distracting the woman. His partner would walk past, kick her handbag out of the way, then boot it back into place a minute later.

I had some terrible internet dates, but nothing as bad as that!

See, whilst I agree that these experiences are unanimously awful...I quite like the sound of Jenga guy. Assuming it was kind of tongue in cheek, I'd probably wet myself with laughter and it wouldn't put me off him.
But what do I know, I've never dated, ever. Which is kind of disappointing although I'm not sure I've got the confidence actually.

Met my wife through match.com, I know several other couples that also met via ter’interweb so clearly it does work.

Over the course of about three years I went on about 50 odd dates before meeting her. In fairness most of the women I met were absolutely lovely, thoughtful, funny people but for whatever reason the chemistry or mutual attraction was not there. I think that very early on I learned to spot the timewasters and oddballs so at when I did go on dates they were generally pleasant evenings out even if there was no romantic conclusion to the encounter.

That said the first few dates were interesting, one involved a women who for some reason did not mention on her profile or in subsequent email and phone calls that she was a hardcore happy clappy Christian, nothing wrong with that but given that I had clearly stated on my profile that I was atheist it was a wonder why she opted to go on a date with me. For the first hour the date was actually lovely and going very well until she asked me if I believed in God to which I answered no. The conversation then turned into a very animated theological debate and despite my efforts to ‘steer’ the conversation back to something a bit more lighthearted she could not understand or accept why I did not believe in the Lord and that my soul was in danger if I did not change my views. We did not have a second date. Although several weeks later I went on another date with a different women, again things were going very well and there was me getting my hopes up that this women was ticking all the right boxes and I seemed to pushing all her right buttons. She then asks me jokingly if I had had any bad online dates so far so I trotted out the story of the previously mentioned bible bashing women, my voice kind of trailed off midway through my tale as her face went from smiles to a look of thunder….”Is everything ok” I ventured? “No, that is my sister you are talking about” she darted back with dagger eyes. That date did not progress to a third.

Finally, on another occasion I was exchanging emails with a women who came across so sweet and innocent in all her photos and emails. She had interests in all sorts of wholesome pursuits, worked for a very worthy charity and generally came across if butter would not melt in her mouth. We finally arranged to talk on the phone and we found ourselves an hour later still chattering away and having a great time. At one point I put her on speaker phone as I had started to prepare dinner and she heard the sound of chopping and the opening and closing of cupboards in the background she asks me what I am doing “cooking dinner" I say, jokingly I ask back…"what are you doing?”…….”Oh me, lying on my bed rubbing my clit” At which point I nearly chop my finger off.

First of all he looked nothing like his photo, it seemed to be at least 25 years out of date!
Then in the middle of the cafe, he produced a box of 1,000's of tiny toy soldiers, all hand painted by him, of which he proceeded to tell me the exact colour shading of each area on each one! After the 3rd coffee I think I woke up snoring.
To impress me further, he told me how he made all his children go to church and Sunday school every week without fail, because regular attendees were given monthly food parcels by that particular church, thus cutting down on his own food bills.
He was also a groper, grabbing my derriere as I stood up to run away leave.

lol at caught trashing the holy roller's sister! hilarious! what are the chances!

I once met up with a guy who I had been e-mailing for a few months. We had great chemistry and loads in common online. However, when we met, he completely avoided my eyes the whole time. I don't think he looked at me once! Afterwards he sent me an e-mail saying that I was too beautiful to look at, and would I marry him?!? Wtf!