Step inside the dating thread, 95

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

We don't have get through these at speed....

The Rules

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin
3. Do no invest emotionally too soon
4. It's all BS until it actually happens
5. Trust your gut instinct
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you
8. If it's not fun- stop
9. Loo update is mandatory

10. No dating the thread 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches, and take from it what you will

Awww, born sounds a bit loved up too!!

I'm supposed to be working. Half of me is daydreaming about last night and half of me is fantasising about taking a nap under my desk.

Typing!!
Jobs, parents, relationships generally,
Banter, therapy (his).. me being my ow therapist! His interview, my interviw, sex, feelings. Day to day stuff too.... my insecurities about sex. Why he wont have a relationship.... recurring theme.

Velour i do believe in leagues sadly.
If a person can 'do better' easily it demoralises me too early on.

Glad you had a good night last night Red!

Pie!!!!! I am shocked at you with Bear! (And will not mention me and Northerner starting to slip back into old flirty ways...)

Sassy going for drink and a film with Stripey, either a week on Sunday, or next Wednesday if my ex-H will watch the girls. He lacks Bee's intensity, but that is probably a good thing right now.

Yeah, maybe, a little bit... I need to not get too carried away, we have only been on one date after all....but it feels all nice and friendly and sweet at the moment so I'm going with it
Things in my life in general are going fairly well just now. I had a really tough time last year, with the guy I was seeing and I had some quite horrible issues with anxiety and I think possibly mild depression but that finally seems to be lifting and I feel much better in myself.

314 what's the history with bear?

I think it's easier to go slow with someone who is not too intense. Enjoy your dates, ladies. I'm slacking in the irons dept. But have been working too hard. MrFlight messages me twice a week. MrMovies is v early days in the messaging dept. Got one guy who has been messaging for about six weeks and sounds a bit vulnerable - described himself as only just getting his head round his separation. He is like a pen pal!! Lives in my town, yet we'll probably never meet! Exchanged a couple of texts with Cufflinks about someone we both know. Tsk tsk, naughty me. I know this will draw him in but my t's and c's remain unchanged.

It's so nice that there's a bit of loved-up was on this thread at the mo.

gast when I split in Sept from a lovely (but incompatible) man I told myself I'd phone him on Xmas Day. In the end Xmas day came and I had no desire to make that call. Can I suggest that you give yourself permission to get in touch with Teach on 1st April with details of a local sex therapist hahaha and see how you feel when the date comes round?? In the meantime just enjoy the prospect of new dates and other irons.

Out with work colleagues tonight. Please can there be a gorgeous, uncomplicated man at the bar for me to bump into?

Aye, I agree Handy. It feels nice and relaxed, and we have SO much in common, but I don't feel at risk of being quite as immediately smitten as I was with Bee, which can only be a good thing, as I'm less likely to get made sad this time around.

Wishing for you the gorgeous, uncomplicated man!

voyeur channel your inner Merkel I laughed hard at that!!! You know tanya and gast I do like a slow-grower, they make you feel so much less insecure, and you can build more solid foundations with them. My 2014 relationship was just like that. He will make a bloody brilliant husband for some woman one day.

314 re Bear sometimes you can't help yourself hey feel better now about texting Cufflinks. I hope that hasn't muddied the waters emotionally re h

red do you actually have a boyfriend

sassy please send updates x 2

voyeur have a lovely coffee date. Don't forget your own inner Merkel - also you Born

to everyone else

Out for a massively long dog walk.

#day off (but already been to a work meeting)
#boring fart

Thanks for the understanding folks.... I ceased comms. with Bear because I didn't want it to jeopardise a more meaningful relationship with H, but seriously now, is that a possibility anyway? I haven't seen H for 9 days now, he spits out an average of 3 whatsapp messages a day (some days more, some days fewer) and his texts don't have his big smile and his laugh, his texts are quite bland somehow. I'm NOT feeling it right now. Feel nervous about him coming over later. I wish it was "the other one". So when the time comes, I'll get on with looking for somebody but it wasn't B's fault that I didn't gel with H. I might have a GREAT time tonight though. That is the thing with H. He sweeps you off your feet, like a vampire, dazzles you, when you're with him.

314 am just being curious here? Do you think it's just the way h is? Do you think he has a touch of emotionally-itis? Or do you think he is just kinda straight or compartmentalises well and/or v absorbed in his work?

Discuss.........

Meant to say emotionally-unavailable-itis

Aww, Pie, was just joking about Bear, you know I'm as bad with the previous shiny bauble men.

I thought communications got a bit better with H for a bit? Argh, why can't they just behave like people?!

yes, they are different but both unavailabe (to me). H is unavailable as well. He cheerfully announces he'd like a relationship with me, but I feel there is a distance between us given how many times we've been out. I enjoy his company and keep hoping something will change. Maybe H is only like this with ME though. Maybe he has had three hour long text convos with other women.

maybe he has had three hour long text convos with other women that's your insecurity talking. And you don't have to listen! You only need to listen to how h makes you feel. Is he an ultra charming textbook good-looking guy????

Argh 314 trust your gut instinct with H. Easy to say but in that case maybe don't let your guard down until he proves you wrong. You are seeing him tonight, right?

Re Fondue and his desire for casualness all over his profile, I think I have expressed myself wrong. I will definitely use the "taking it slow" thing with him and try not to jump into bed until this is an actual thing. I am just wondering whether I should set the record straight there before the first date or at the first date that I am definitely not looking for casual. Or maybe I am overthinking this as usual and should go with the flow.

Glad your date went well Red, sounds like you two had a great time! Good luck on yours today sassy, I got mixed up, I thought it was yesterday.

Hi Velour, yes that is tricky if you have to keep it quiet and feel the competition. But if you are the only one she has kissed, it looks like you have the upper hand here.

We need a dating calendar here!

Yes, I didn't necessarily mean right now, just that he must have connected with somebody else more than we have connected. He is tall, attractive, very confident, has lots of friends, never seen him in a suit (it'd scare me I think) casual clothes from diesel and tommy H, smells nice, drives a nice car, earns a shit load. I don't care about that but it does make me nervous that he's a catch in the conventional sense and not just to me, he also has a lovely accent. well i think so. I do HAVE TO find out this weekend handy, does he just compartmentalise, or is he not that into me. you don't get to be treasureer of some foreign institution if you're whatsapping a woman for three hours while you're supposed to be workign.

yes jolly and supposedly Saturday too but I find it hard to imagine that sat will go ahead......... I have visualised texting babysitter to say she's not needed. tonight may be a resolution of sorts.

Do you think h may be a bit like Cufflinks/Bear in disguise.... after a sort of 'relationship-lite' option?

Date update

I had to cancel my lunchtime one. Work took precedent.

scot I'll be honest. He's sent me a few odd texts that make him seem far too keen. It's put me off slightly and as such I made the decision to cool it. Red flags have appeared.

I think I need to clear these irons and find new ones. They are all lovely enough but honestly? They're not quite cutting it.

french is still in the running. He's chilled, laid back and smart at playing the long game

born the text was all out WEIRD and totally not ok for the fact that we are one date in.
Am not ignoring my instincts on this one. I will see him again but I'd rather go home / out with friends then spend an evening with someone I know I won't even want to kiss at the end of the night because I already think they are too over involved with me.

Just had my first experience of OLD and it didn't go well!

I am registered on POF but haven't as yet uploaded a photo of myself because a) I don't really like the idea of posting a pic of myself on the Internet for all the whole world to see...and b) I'm still living with my STBXH

Anyway, i was online a couple of weeks ago and someone I liked the look of caught my eye so I added him to my favourites. He then returned the gesture and added me to his favourites (presumably he liked what I had written on my profile because as I don't have a photo). I half expected him to write to me at this stage but he didn't so I sent him a brief message this morning introducing myself. He then sent me a message back saying that he has decided to take his details off the website but if I send some more details of myself and a pic he would be happy to have a quick peep!! I then wrote back to say that no doubt he had his reasons for wanting to come off the website and that maybe we could speak again if he decides to return.

I don't know why but I feel a bit pissed off now because it's the first time I have ever contacted anybody and I feel like I've been blown out!

Is it just me or did his reply sound a bit superior? You'd think he'd be flattered to have a woman send him a message wouldn't you? Maybe he's decided to take a break or he's seeing someone. Goodness only knows but I didn't like the tone of his message so I probably won't reply to him if he ever contacts me in the future.

I don't know why but this experience has left me feeling a bit cheap. I like men to come after me not the other way round. I'm probably just feeling a bit vulnerable today because I applied for my decree absolute yesterday and I feel like shit!

I haven't read this thread for a few days so will read it now as I've a lot to catch up on.

I hope all of you who are dating are enjoying yourselves and having a positive experience. Is that possible? Hmm, we can but try!

Oops, didn't realise how long that was. Sorry about that.