Phone call from another woman

[Lucky0707]

Hello all, earlier today I received a call from a woman regarding my partner. to roughly quote she said. "You don't know me and I've only just found out about you. Sorry to be delivering bad news but your boyfriend has been sleeping with me. I don't want to get involved so I will leave it at that. I won't be seeing him again, i want nothing to do with a man like that. Take care"
I have known him for 5 years but We've only been together as a couple for 1 year since his divorce. I don't know if to take it seriously or think its malicious. His ex wife and mum to his kids hates me, but has only ever made direct verbal abuse. My split from my ex wasn't happy but i have heard nothing since our last day together. I just can't believe this has happened. When I asked him seemed shocked and strongly denied it but surely that would be the response either way. I was very happy but this has cast a shadow. just don't know what to do

When I got the same call it was true. I managed to piece the facts together.

Agree with thisismyfirsttime. Why has she called back again to tell you what she's already told you and to offer no further information. I would've thought someone calling back again would be in a position to offer some kind of evidence. In sure many people could know you were away in August, and she didn't have dates just the month. Tbh doesn't sound plausible. I would be wanting evidence. I'd be surprised if she could give you this.

I don't think it's that odd, her calling back again. Think about it, if she's called, you tell him, then he goes off mouthing off to her, saying, "she doesn't even believe you anyway, you vindictive harpy" or whatever then I personally would be thinking, "fuck you and the horse you came in on, I'll ring her back". Probably wouldn't have done it like, but the temptation would be there.

I wouldn't tell him about the second call and carry out some discrete enquiries.

How come you didn't ask more questions when she rang back? I can understand being shell-shocked after the first call, but by the time she called again you've had a conversation on here and sifted your ideas a bit.

I kind of hope she does call again. Were you reasonably nice to her?

If she doesn't want to give details as he knows where she lives why did she bother telling you in the first place. Sounds like a poor excuse. Surely she could have come up with something better than that for not providing details.
Malicious caller with not enough going on in there own life by the sounds of it.

OP, you´ve not been back for days. How are things? What are you doing about this big mess? Did you tell your OH she rang again?

If I've got this right - you have a vindictive ex in the picture. You knew your DP as a friend previously. The ex has behaved so badly that you've 'reported her' - presumably to the police. History of verbal abuse and threats of physical violence.

Not a big step to think that she's decided you were the OW and is now seeking revenge.

She could easily get a friend to phone and stir. We got several charming phone calls from a friend of DH's ex. Truly wonderful. Also nuisance calls every time he travelled - at 3, 4 am in the morning when I was alone in the house with DD. Frankly I always expected an anonymous phone call making some sort of accusation but it never came. A friend had similar. Sadly not that unusual.

She said we wanted to have nothing more to do with the situation, but then calls back. If it was via a hook up site then it was hardly a grand passion so why call back once the announcement was made?. One call is job done.

Of course you are going to be suspicious of your DP. That's the whole point - to sew seeds of suspicion and wreck your relationship. And the 'he knows where I live' is a nice add one - suggestion that she is afraid of what your DP will do.

In your shoes I'd do the following. Tell DP that she's called again. Get access to his phone, emails to check everything - including browsing history. If she was one of many there will be proof somewhere.

Anyone who knows you as a couple would know you were away so that's just an easy time to choose. If you can't find anything, and you had no suspicions previously then I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

If she calls again demand proof - details - which site etc Or do something similar to what I did during a 3am heavy breathing phone call 'oh dear DH's ex - you must find something more constructive to do with your time'. Say something along the lines of 'when you report back this conversation to DP's ex, give her my best will you?'. Then stop engaging.

With the background I wouldn't believe the caller - but I would be wary in the future and keep a close eye on things. You're DP should be okay about that and understand how upsetting this is.

I think it is too much of a coincidence that your DP's ex has caused problems before (even if her style was different).

The only factual thing the caller has told you is that you were away in August.

Does his ex know you were away in August?

This now sounds even more vague and a lot more bullshitty.

Anyone on a hook-up site for more than about 90 seconds quickly realises that at least half the men there are married. There is no way anyone would meet someone on a hookup site and then get offended that they weren't free for a relationship. It would have been more believable and made more sense of her original story if she'd said POF or OKCupid.

And why wouldn't she have said it was AdultDate of FabSwingers or Tinder? Oh yeah, because then you could have checked the site for a profile. Right.

As to "I don't want to give dates and times as he knows where I live" - bloody ridiculous. What, she's happy to ring and say "Your H has been screwing me" and fear no "repercussions", but she's too worried to say what date it happened on?

Yeah, so worried she decided to call again when you didn't chuck him out after her first call.