Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Phone call from another woman

134 replies

Lucky0707 · 18/01/2016 22:22

Hello all, earlier today I received a call from a woman regarding my partner. to roughly quote she said. "You don't know me and I've only just found out about you. Sorry to be delivering bad news but your boyfriend has been sleeping with me. I don't want to get involved so I will leave it at that. I won't be seeing him again, i want nothing to do with a man like that. Take care"
I have known him for 5 years but We've only been together as a couple for 1 year since his divorce. I don't know if to take it seriously or think its malicious. His ex wife and mum to his kids hates me, but has only ever made direct verbal abuse. My split from my ex wasn't happy but i have heard nothing since our last day together. I just can't believe this has happened. When I asked him seemed shocked and strongly denied it but surely that would be the response either way. I was very happy but this has cast a shadow. just don't know what to do

OP posts:
MoominPie22 · 20/01/2016 13:12

You can´t be 100% either way anyway but I would find it hard to let this go. It´d plant a rather large seed of doubt in my mind about my partner, put it that way!

If it were me, I´d be inclined to start doing some detective work and try and find some actual evidence. What an awful situation you´re in though, you must be paranoid now...

Does he work away sometimes or work late? I wouldn´t go purely on his reaction to you mentioning the call tbh. He could easily just be a very adept liar. Maybe he´s had a lot of practice. His shocked reaction could just as easily be shock that his other woman made contact, then all his energies would go into denying it. It means nothing, the fact he didn´t ´fess up. Not everyone has guilt written all over them.

How is your relationship with him overall? Any problems or is he loving and considerate generally?

I wouldn´t automatically dismiss this call as a hoax, nor would I jump to the conclusion he has cheated, I´d look for some type of proof. Yes it is frustrating she presumably hung up before you could question her and she didn´t elaborate at all. It´s the not knowing either way which is the killer, I hope you find out sooner rather than later the truth.

pocketsaviour · 20/01/2016 14:01

It's a shame you told him about the call before you could start doing some investigating TBH.

I don't think anyone here can tell you one way or the other whether she was telling the truth.

My H once received a call from a woman claiming to know that I was having an affair with a man from work. She was adamant and phoned more than once, at one point saying "She's shagging him right now, in the car park" (at midday, in the snow apparently!)

Turned out to be one of my team members who I had recently put on a final written warning Hmm

Katenka · 20/01/2016 14:15

I had a hoax call.

I was at work (my work place was on FB, will never do that again). Call got transferred to my office to tell me dp (now dh) had spent the afternoon having sex with her.

Except he had taken some extra shifts in the kitchen at my work (hotel) to pay for our wedding.

Turned out it was his exs friend. If he hadn't have been close by, I don't know what I would have done or who to have believed.

But I would be hurt if it was the other way round and he automatically believed it.

We only found out who it was because she didn't hide the telephone number, assuming as it came through reception I wouldn't be able to trace the number. But the reception computers did record it.

I am also self employed now. So many people have my telephone number it's not hard to find my number.

I don't know what to suggest op. It could be malicious it could be true. But unless you call her back and ask for details you will never know.

JohnLuther · 20/01/2016 14:49

She can't call her back, the number was withheld.

thedancingbear · 20/01/2016 15:41

There's no way of knowing for definite, obviously. But when I was a teenager there were people I knew who would do exactly this just for shits and giggles. And I don't think you can reliably infer whether someone's nervous, malicious etc. from the sound of their voice on a phone call, particularly if you are not otherwise familiar with how they sound.

Jo4040 · 20/01/2016 15:59

Is be fuming uf this happened about me and if want to find out who did it asap

Jo4040 · 20/01/2016 16:00

If. I'd. *

ElsieMc · 20/01/2016 16:22

Years back I received horrible calls accusing me of sleeping with someone's DH. I hadn't been married long. They were accusatory or silent. We informed the police in the end. By then, I was suspecting even my work colleaguesl. I got to the stage where I didn't want to know who it was because I couldn't handle someone hating me so much. I could not even think of an enemy when the Police asked me.

It turned out the calls were not for me, but for my sil, who had the same name as me. And yes, she was seeing the man involved.

Original poster
Lucky0707 · 20/01/2016 22:00

Our relationship is good, but I can't say as that would stop some men seeking more 'fun'. I am struggling to think of anyone I've upset enough to of done this in my work or personal life. As I mentioned my ex has has no contact for at least a year. My BFs ex would be the main suspect but this is just far removed from her angry abuse. The comments so far seem to be a bit 50:50 which is how I feel. Unless she calls again I guess I may never get to the bottom of it.

OP posts:
Jo4040 · 20/01/2016 22:21

I'd call his bluff and say that she's phoned again.

Atenco · 21/01/2016 03:33

OP, you've known him for years and never heard anything to make you believe he is a cheater. Your relationship is good and nothing else he has done has made you suspicious. I think your best option is to assume it was malicious and give him the benefit of the doubt.

I personally would much rather my partner believed me than to be with someone who would automatically believe something nasty like that from an anonymous voice over the phone.

goddessofsmallthings · 21/01/2016 04:31

I agree with Atenco and I don't think I could stay with a partner who, despite my denial, chose to believe what was wrongfully and maliciously said about me by an anonymous caller

His ex wife and mum to his kids hates me, but has only ever made direct verbal abuse Maybe she's trying another tack and got a friend to make the call as, from what've you recalled of what was said, it sounds scripted as if it's been read from a prepared statement and there's something about the "Take care" at the end that doesn't sit right with me.

goddessofsmallthings · 21/01/2016 04:32

'what you've recalled'

Jan45 · 21/01/2016 13:37

I'd be believing the caller OP, what on earth did she have to gain by lying - best keep your ears and eyes wide open, you might be in for more discoveries.

amarmai · 21/01/2016 13:58

check if the # that called you is on his phone.

shihtzumamma · 21/01/2016 15:41

Of course hes going to deny it.
I would believe it a 100% but you know him better than us.

Jan45 · 21/01/2016 15:44

How has this woman got your number?

Original poster
Lucky0707 · 21/01/2016 17:44

Hi, yes i have been puzzling this mysef. I am fairly easy to find online. All you would need was a partial name and knowledge of my profession which is working in a public area. I also guess she could of looked at his phone. It is generally locked but if its charging will stay unlocked if its used and then not locked manually. Possibly even she knows of me from a chain of aquaintances. This is assuming she is genuine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky0707 · 21/01/2016 17:49

I kinda hope she calls me again for some clarification but nothing so far. She did seem fairly adamant that she was washing her hands of the event.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 21/01/2016 17:49

Weird.

What is your OH saying to it all now, what is your gut saying to you?

Jan45 · 21/01/2016 17:50

From what you have said she said, it sounds like she didn't know he was with someone then found out and took her anger out a bit on you but also perhaps wanting to let you know what he was up to.

Sorry but I just find the whole hoax things a load of bollocks.

Original poster
Lucky0707 · 21/01/2016 17:56

It does seem a bit of a far fetched thing and what sort of woman would stoop so low even if it was for a friend i would not do it for all the tea in china also I'm not in the age bracket to expect petty teenage pranks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky0707 · 21/01/2016 17:59

As I've said he is obviously not happy and angry but I'd expect that either way. I was really happy but I've been cheated on before in a happy relationship whilst I was out the country on work. So I am paranoid to say the least.

OP posts:
Jan45 · 21/01/2016 17:59

Well do you have anything else to go on, are there any other hints from him or his behaviours that would reinforce her being of truth?

pocketsaviour · 21/01/2016 17:59

what sort of woman would stoop so low even if it was for a friend

The sort of woman who's friends with someone who threatens to give their ex's partner a good slap, perhaps?

Has your DP said anything more about it?